Chapter 36

Aurora

I talk through the link with Jaxson constantly, needing to hear his voice in hopes it will make up for the fact that I can’t feel his touch. Luke tries to get me to cheer up, to get me out of bed and join him outside, but I never feel ready for something like that.

I pretend to be dead, and I act dead, my heart dead as well.

I wait through the day to hear from Jaxson, hoping he has solved the problems by now, but as days turn into weeks, the pauses of silence elongate more and more. I go awhile without hearing from him. It worries me, but in the same breath, it is only affirming to my initial feelings that maybe we aren’t fated mates.

Luke tried for an hour to get me to leave bed this morning and I finally obliged, seeing that Mary hasn’t been coming around the cabin anymore. Ever since the night Luke and I held one another in an innocent embrace, I’ve noticed she has no interest in staying here anymore. In one hand, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but in another, I can’t deny what I have felt for years.

Luke was always supposed to be my mate.

He fettles around the kitchen, trying to cook, and I finally give up on letting him fail at this and inevitably making me fake satisfaction when I have to eat his food. I push him aside and take over the chopping of vegetables, a few strips of meat cut in long lengths from a deer her went out and killed, a task he undoubtably learned from our buddy Row.

Luke seems relieved, taking a seat on the counter over my shoulder, swinging his legs like a child too short to reach the ground in a chair.

“How is Mary?” I ask, breaking the silence.

I see him look away. “She’s okay, staying with my parents at the North Woods pack for now.”

I hate to bring up their arguing, but it’s all that has been ringing in my mind since I can’t hear Jaxson as often as I normally do. He shakes his head and plays with his fingers in his lap, his eyes grayed over in the memory.

“She doesn’t exactly believe me,” he hums.

“Believe what?”

“That my love for you is pure friendship,” he says.

I set down the knife, my hand trembling. “Does she know what you said at the palace?” I ask, not needing to elaborate that he did in fact confess his love to me then, before kissing me deeply.

“No,” he says, quick. “I made a mistake saying that and doing what I had. It’s been a confusing time for the both of us, Aurora. I just want to be on the same page. You love Jaxson, I love Mary.”

I hesitate, staring up at my oldest friend, wish I felt half the love for Jaxson that I feel for Luke right now. I can’t feel the mating pull, and I think that is a good enough excuse for my actions. I step forward, reaching to embrace my friend in his sorrow, but it doesn’t end there.

He buries his face into my neck, panting a little breath that makes my body cave into his hold for good. I feel weak, his hands growing strong, sliding down my back as they near my ass. He pauses, and I hold him to me closer, feeling my cheeks burn bright hot and my heart race faster than ever before.

He doesn’t stop now.

He jumps off the counter and turns me fast, placing me up on the edge of the table so he can push between my legs, arms grabbing for me to come closer, to be against his body, and I allow the moment his lips pressure to my throat, and my jaw, before finding my own.

This kiss is hot, burning hot, and I don’t let myself breath incase it will end too soon, the moment he finds out what it is we are doing. I push out the thoughts of guilt, the ache of feeling wanted, and let him kiss me deeper and deeper and I cling to his shirt in tight fists.

His hands rip off my top, the cold air surrounding me.

I can smell my arousal, and I can see his begging to break free from his pants.

That’s when I hear Jaxson for the first time in nine days.

Aurora, no!

I jolt back, feeling exposed, so much guilt already slapping me in the face that I don’t have time to catch my breath and tell Luke to stop. He notices my apprehension, snapping out of the moment just as fast, and we break away. I blush, watching him do the same, before he barges out of the cabin, shifts, and runs off.

My sex is pulsing, the heat rising up my body, and I’d be lying if I said I have dreamed of that moment so many times in my life but never seeing it happen like this. I grab the sides of my ripped shirt, holding it in front of me, trying to steady my thoughts but all I hear is Jaxson’s voice.

He is screaming nonsensically through the link, yelling at me, cursing Luke, and I can’t take it anymore. If he were here with me, this wouldn’t have happened, and if he wasn’t a prince, we wouldn’t be separated by adversity.

I beg that Luke returns, fearing I may make a tragic mistake in here by myself.

Aurora! Jaxson hollers. I flinch.

Jaxson, I say, calmer now, not willing to even apologize. Nothing happened, I say, sure of my words, no matter how close we were to letting something happen. Luke is unsure for his love of Mary, to balance his feelings for me, and I feel left behind by Jaxson, just needing to feel an ounce of affection. Nothing Happened.

He is still busy roaring in the mind link, and I finally push him to stop, blocking the sounds of his ferocity. At least I know he can’t find me, Luke telling me early on out here that he has found this cabin himself and that not even my fated mate knows where it lays.

I am thankful for that because my small slipup of confusion could have led to Luke being murdered in front of my own eyes.

I beg for relief, for an easy answer to this, but I’m torn. I want Luke to be happy, to feel loved, and I also don’t want to ever hurt Jaxson who has tried his best to mend the divide between our kinds. It’s too hard to decipher what is right and what is wrong at this point.

If I’m with Luke, and I hurting Jaxson? If I trust Jaxson and wait to feel the mating pull with him, am I missing the opportunity with Luke?

I bury my head into my hands, still picturing the desire I had for Luke, begging in my mind for that moment to finally come to fruition. I could have had what I’ve always wanted, but at what cost? He has Mary, and I have Jaxson.

I should have done so many things differently.

I should have rejected the feelings I have for that man.