Chapter 39
Jaxson
It comes over me suddenly, out of nowhere, and I double over onto the floor, climbing the stairs of the palace tower. My body is aching, like someone has clawed at my chest and ripped my heart right out of my torso. My vision blurs, heat spreading through my every limb, my every fiber, and I sink to my knees on the stairs to keep from falling down them.
My mouth fills with heat, running down my cheeks, close to making me want to throw up. Closing my eyes, I try to steady my vision, but it’s not working. I gasp for every breath, crawling up the stairs, pathetically edging closer and closer until I reach the door and throw it open.
Snowflake prances toward the door, hopeful to see her, but we are both pained with reality. I fall over in the room, laying on the floor, every single muscle in my body contracting at the same time. My wolf whimpers, whining, and I can feel myself cry as the pain becomes damn near unbearable. I have never felt something so excruciating in my life.
Yet, I know exactly what has caused it.
No, Aurora, please—
I slam my fist into the floor, seeing the tile crack under my knuckles, already bloodied and crooked from the hit. It doesn’t nearly feel as awful as being rejected by my mate. No pain will ever mirror this one.
I’ve been reaching out to find Luke, to find Aurora and make sure she will be safe from Xander, but this only complicates thing. My wolf is wounded beyond measure, but I know this can be fixed. She made a detrimental mistake kissing Luke, and I can kill him for that later, but I can’t let this carry on.
“I don’t accept your rejection,” I say allowed; to myself. “I won’t accept it, either. I will find you and I will fix this, Aurora.”
I collapse on my side, still surprised that her floral scent swarms the air in this room. Snowflake circles me cautiously, grown larger in the time since I had to let Aurora leave the palace. I know she misses her, and that’s why I am here, letting the white cat crawl into my arms while I lay on the floor, nothing more than a rejected failure of a mate.
The pain subsides by my heart still throbs in a different kind of pain. Aurora is my life, my love, and I have failed her far too many times. I shouldn’t have let her leave. I should have left with her. All this time I have been working to make the palace safe for her, that I’ve ended up pushing her away and I can see how she would feel rejected herself.
I just wish she hadn’t done this to me now.
I cling to Snowflake, holding her close, trying to live in the moment when I first gave her the kitten, trying to win her over at the beginning. I made mistakes then, too. She wanted company, she didn’t want to be locked up away from everyone and I did the opposite, and then set her away to be alone in the woods somewhere, alone and feeling abandoned.
It’s now been forty-nine days since I let her go.
I have to find her soon. From what the rogue told me before killing over, Xander knows where she is and is planning something. It won’t matter that she has rejected me; he knows me better than to think I would accept it. Either way I expect for him to use her against me a second time. Even if I had accepted her rejection, not like I would, she would still mean a lot to me.
I can’t allow harm to come over her, especially not from my sadistic half-brother.
Aurora
I don’t have to feel the mating pull the know I have hurt myself physically trying to reject Jaxson. It’s not healthy, my chest still throbbing days later, and I feel guilty already. Luke hasn’t come back since he ran off and I can’t blame him. He feels the mating pull, he knows he has to succumb to his instincts as a wolf, and I completely ruined that for him. He was already confused. It wasn’t right throwing him back into this emotional apocalypse.
I try to keep busy, needing to form a plan on what to do with my life now. I can’t go to my parents, Luke mention how Xander could still come after me even I rejected Jaxson. At least now he can rest easy, find a mate that is a better fit for him, but it’s not enough to have this overwhelming sense of persistent nagging from my wolf, telling me it doesn’t feel right.
It doesn’t feel like he accepted the rejection. I don’t hear him in the link, and I couldn’t even reach anyone of the Royal pack if I wanted, but still, it doesn’t feel like I’ve changed anything significant. I still yearn for Jaxson at night, missing his warmth, and sometimes I swear I can small his scent luminating through the air.
It haunts me.
That’s why I have to leave. I have to be alone, and I can’t stay here waiting for Luke, Jaxson or even Xander to come along. It won’t work well in my favor. I regret not getting more training from Jaxson. He opted for me to run laps instead, mentioning endurance, and I can’t believe I bought that line. He was killing time. He didn’t want me to train. He never wanted me to fight.
I don’t have time to dwell, shoving a few outfits and some simple snacks into my backpack, ready to figure out life on my own, but I hear the porch creak under heavy footsteps. I suppose my cunning escape won’t be so cunning after all.
Luke pokes his head into the bedroom, a set of four walls too close to one another. There’s not even a window, just a sink and half a bathroom. I’ve missed the large bathtub of the palace. I shouldn’t have grown so attached to Jaxson’s perfect lifestyle. It was short lived.
Luke trades a look between me and my backpack, his cold eyes growing darker as the realization crosses his features. He furrows his brow, his freckles almost lost as his complexion turns pale in shock, then red in anger.
“Where are you going?” His voice is dark, darker than his blushing cheeks, and something resembling fury builds in his once kind, gentle eyes.
“I told you,” I say, simple, throwing the backpack over my shoulder. “I am too much trouble. I can’t stay here anymore. I rejected Jaxson and you have Mary. I can’t stay here and waste anyone’s time anymore.”
“You are not wasting my time,” he says, practically growling. “And you are not leaving, either.”
“Yes, I am,” I insist.
The moment I try to move past Luke, he grabs for my backpack, ripping it away from me. I stumble, shocked, and catch my balance before lunging for the bag again. He moves it, switching hands faster than I can keep up, making me fall. I force myself up quick, heat of embarrassment covering my face in seconds.
“Seriously?”
“You’re not leaving, Aurora,” he says with a lazy shrug. “You aren’t safe out there.”
I roll my eyes. “I can’t just stay here, Luke. I have no reason to be here anymore. You don’t have to hide me from anyone. I’m not Jaxson’s mate. I’m safe.”
He shakes his head, too damn stubborn. “Stay for me.”
“Why?”
“Because I asked you to. Please.”
“You’re going to go get Jaxson, aren’t you?”
“No,” he replies, a lie. I can see it in his eyes that squint, a childhood tell that proves he isn’t being honest. “It’s getting dark out here, Aurora. Give it until morning.”
“You’ll let me leave then?”
“Yeah,” he says, pulling the backpack over his shoulder. “I’ll be back in the morning with this, and you can leave then.”
I don’t know what method he is using to delay time so he can pull some plan together overnight to make me stay but I don’t care. It’s not like I can fight him for my backpack back anyways, so I have to agree to his terms. No matter how puerile they are.
