Chapter 53

Aurora

Jaxson tries to get me to sit back down, my words so jumbled and mixed up that I’m blabbering nonsensically. I want to stand, to shift, but it’s impossible to while I’m in this state. My whole body is sore from rejecting Xander, let alone dealing with the wounds he laid onto me from the last time I saw him.

I pushed myself too far then, and I’ll do it again now if it means helping Luke.

Jaxson doesn’t agree, trying to lead me toward the house but I stumble, murmuring about what Xander had said in my head, about what he is going to do to Luke, and what he has been doing to me. My head spins as I hit the wood floor of the little home on the beach.

“Please, stop,” Jaxson hums, trying to help me stand but I flinch away so fiercely that he eventually pulls back, creating space between us. “Aurora, calm down then tell me what you’re trying to say. I can’t understand you when you’re panicked. Please, sweetheart.”

“Xander is going to hurt Luke because of me,” I cough, shivering in the nightmare of a memory of Xander beating me and only imagining he has already done the same to Luke. My best friend saved me and how is he repaid? I run off and leave him in Xander’s grasp.

“Tell me what happened from the beginning and we can figure this out, sweetheart.”

I stay on the floor, too frazzled to move, while Jaxson sits on the couch nearby. I launch into the details of the cabin fight where Xander knocked out Luke. I had to protect him and I tried my best, but I failed early on.

Trying to steer clear of the times Xander used me, abused me, and humiliated me, I talk about the moment I regret the most. Xander marked me to make me live, and after inspection of his mind, I knew he did it to hurt Jaxson and use me against his half-brother in the future.

I hesitate to ask him to reconsider rejecting his pack, but I try to stay on topic. It’s the one thing Xander has wanted all along and if he steps aside, he will kill Luke for being useless.

I try to explain how he has a pack he formed out of royals that defected the pack and rogues that he found along the way. Easily, he commands over three-hundred wolves, maybe more. It makes me dizzy to think about trying to get my best friend back with so much stacked against the prospect of saving him.

I bury my face into my hands, unable to cry after being starved and dehydrated for so long.

Jaxson hasn’t spoken a word since I started my story, leading all the way to this moment, and his silence makes me afraid in some ways. I let my head fall, absolutely and completely depleted. There’s nothing I can do now. I won’t be able to save Luke alone and I feel stupid for mentioning it to Jaxson at all.

I kissed him and I hurt Jaxson in doing so. No matter what has happened between us, Jaxson has done his best to not kill my best friend like I know he has wanted to. He probably still hates him, too, and hates me while he is at it, after everything I’ve done to push him away for his own better interest. It means nothing now. All I have done is hurt him. It’s the last thing I’ve wanted.

“I’m sorry,” I breathe, feeling like the world spins on without me. “I know you hate me and Luke. I never wanted to hurt you, Jaxson, I just wanted to make things easier for you and I thought I was helping in rejecting you but—” I shake my head, feeling blushed pink all over. “I know I hurt you. Punish me, not Luke.”

“I’m not going to punish you,” he hums, his voice lighter than I have ever heard it before. “After everything you’ve been through by being my mate, I don’t blame you for your actions. Xander holding you hostage, the blue moon gala, and my own guard at the palace…”

I hesitate to look up but eventually I do, meeting his gentle, porcelain eyes.

“This is my fault,” he says. “I wanted to protect you and instead, you’re more hurt than ever before. I don’t blame you, and I don’t blame Luke. I will help him get away from my brother. It’s my fault you both wound up in that spot. I will make it right.”

He struggles to speak the words but seeing him force them out anyways makes my heart happy.

“Thank you,” I say, practically shivering in glee.

“Under one condition,” he adds, staring so intensely at me I feel like I’m a bug under his microscopic view. I wait for him to say I have to take back my rejection, or that I have to be his mate again, but instead he adds in a somber tone, “I need you to get off the floor and let me hold you.”

I look up, my hands shaking before me, but legs so weary in their wobbly state but I give in. I stumble to a temporary stand and fall into the small couch beside Jaxson, inhaling his familiar scent. I nuzzle into his side and steal his warmth, his heavy arm scrunched around my back and keeping me pinned in his comforting grip.

For the first time, he seems so nonchalant, so stuck in the middle of chaos and yet calm beyond normal measure as he leans back and holds me with his every short, subtle breath. My eyelids are heavy, my mind weighted down as well, and I finally mimic his calm oblivion.

“I’m sorry,” I breath into his side, feeling his arm tighten ever so slightly around my back. “I never wanted to hurt you, Jaxson.”

He hesitates, contemplating his thoughts. “You are my mate. You are also a commoner. I tried to ignore that and pretend I could merge my life before with the new mate in my life, and I ruined it. I should have been better at protecting you, at loving you, Aurora. I am sorry, too.”

We sit in a static silence and it makes my ears ring for a long time.

Technically, I’m a rogue now, stolen from the North Woods pack, excluded from the Royal pack, and eventually exploited by the Apogee pack.

There’s a calm silence being a rogue and for some reason, I miss having Jaxson’s mind merge with my own. I could always hear him, feel safe when I could feel him within, and now it’s only a silent wall. I reach for someone, anyone, my wolf curled tight in the darkness of my head.

I’m alone now. Rogue and unmated.

Ex-commoner. Ex-royal mate. Ex-hostage.

It’s surreal and yet, I soak in it, filtered through the many thoughts that once worried me, now only focused on saving Luke, and letting him live his life with Mary. They will have a good future together, and Xander can do as he pleases without using me, while Jaxson tries to find his place in his pack; even if that means rejecting them all.