Chapter 58

Aurora

“Aurora,” Jaxson says, somewhere nearby.

I cage my arms over my face, only hearing Xander as if he is in my head still, screaming at me and degrading me to no end. I try to not choke on the sand, curling into a small, nonthreatening ball, just hoping this nightmare passes.

“It’s just me.”

Jaxson pulls for me, despite my scream in fear, and pelts me into his chest, squeezing me so tight that I have no chance to escape further. I instead take to crying into shoulder, still damn from the ocean, and let my mind melt into a puddle of horrid memories I wish I could forget.

“Shh, please.”

I grab my arms, practically clawing into my skin, hoping the subtle pain pulls me out of my darkness and shoves me back into reality. I just had an amazing moment with Jaxson, experiencing the ocean for the first time ever and yet I had to ruin it, feeling Xander grab at my throat and pin me back against a wall until I black out.

“Jax—Jaxson,” I pant, pushing into his chest, needing more of his affection and brute scent. “You should have—have rejected me—be easier—”

“Stop it,” he growls, the noise vibrating through me. I’m lifted from the sand, from the beach, and I don’t open my eyes until I feel like I’m being set down in the tiny shower in the bedroom suite. “Here you go. Just relax, take your time, and breathe,” he says, begging.

The warm water is turned on like rain and I press into the corner of the shower, letting the sand swirl down the shower drain. I hear Jaxson leave at last, and I bury my face into my hands and in my lap, forcing my wolf to recall the moment Xander had forced me back to life.

I regret every minute of that encounter. My body was frail and my wolf was exhausted beyond measure. I was ready to let the pain go, but Xander had other plans. In the midst of being knocked out, I could still view Xander’s hatred for his brother. Seeing Jaxson made me relax. He was younger in the memories, he and his half-brother drifting apart as the years drew by.

Jaxson was compassionate for the commoners and royals alike, but things had shifted when he grew older. He never hurt a commoner but he had the same distaste for them as the others in his pack. He had the same disgust towards me at first too.

Damn commoner.

I still hear it in his hateful tone toward my father, meant to wound us all, and it still aches. But when I catch my balance and find a small set of silk pajamas outside the bathroom door, I slip them on and poke my head out of the bedroom.

I witness Jaxson lean back against the kitchen counter, staring out into the darkness of the stars and moon that hang over the picturesque ocean ahead. He seems so peaceful now, so content, and no longer strangling his mind to keep me safe from royals. He just needs to keep me safe from myself for now.

I hold onto my shorts to keep my fingers from numbing. Snowflake trails around my leg, brushing against my ankle. When I look up, Jaxson is facing me, his eyes creased in something that I can only assume is anger.

He inhales deeply, the sight making him seem even larger than normal. I feel so puny in comparison but I try not to shy away. He won’t hurt me.

“How could you say that?” he gusts, skipping right to the thick of things. “I will never accept your rejection, Aurora, unless I thought it was best for us. I will take care of you, love you, and I can have millions of nights like tonight with you but you cannot tell me it’s better to accept your rejection after I’ve tried to prove just how much you mean to me.”

I bow my head in utter indignity. “I know, Jaxson, I didn’t know what I was saying.”

“You know exactly what you said,” he says, nearing a yell of a volume. He refrains, though. I’m thankful for it. “That’s why you won’t lift the damn rejection off of me, Aurora. You want to push me away.”

I sniffle, trying not to let the tears fall but they fill my eyes anyways. “I’m sorry I just—”

I stop, wanting to be taken from this place, from this conversation, and be left alone for the rest of eternity. It’s never that easy. Jaxson pushes his way before me, his hands holding my arms and I when I look up to see him furious, I instead see him with worried, small eyes and a glimmer of sadness drizzled down his cheek.

“Finish that sentence,” he says, his volume and tone lighter than before.

I shut my eyes and feel like I’m still being tossed around the ocean, at mercy to the waves. “I just felt like I was with him again. Like he was touching me and calling me names and hurting me…”

“I’m not letting that happen ever again,” he says in an assuring voice. “Do you believe me?”

I nod, genuinely aware that he has already made steps to protect me, including leaving his father’s pack, so I know he won’t let Xander take me without one hell of a fight. It doesn’t stop the dreams at night of Xander’s claws, of his fury when I ran off, and hearing him threaten to take it out on Luke.

My body twitches and Jaxson wraps me up in his arms, squeezing me until I can’t feel the fear overwhelm me anymore.

“You can try to ruin this,” he says against my temple, his lisp grazing my skin. “You can convince yourself you don’t deserve my love but if you didn’t, I wouldn’t be here with you, Aurora. You are my mate and you will be mine forever. If that takes some time to get around to, I will gladly wait and continue to prove myself.’

I hold him tighter, hoping he won’t release me.

“Thank you, Jaxson.”

He doesn’t reply, only picks me off the ground for just a moment, both of us falling into bed nearby where Snowflake hopes up and struts down Jaxson’s shoulder. We laugh at the brave kitten, confidently prancing over him to get to me. She lays between us, stretching out her claws, and I watch the little kitten, now slightly larger than when I got her as a gift, fall into a nice slumber.

I look to Jaxson who is staring at the ceiling, distracted after this whirlwind of a night.

“Are you ready for tomorrow night?” I ask, wondering if he is confident enough in his plan to get Luke back and finally end this ordeal with Xander.

He stops his thoughts from rushing through his mind on repeat, in a cyclical nightmare, and I wait for him to finally settle his rapid pulse. I feel it in my fingertips that run a light touch up and down his forearm.

“It will be okay,” he hums. “I’ll get Luke back safe and sound.”

I swallow the many things I want to say, the thousands of questions I have where I want to ask him what he is thinking, how he will go about this invasion against his half brother who has a whole entire pack to face him now. Instead, I ask the one question I know he needs to hear.

“I didn’t ask about Luke,” I correct him. “I asked if you are ready, Jaxson? Are you okay?”

His hint of a smile, no matter his answer, makes me know that he needed to hear it. He wants me to care about him, his safety, and I have in the past. I just let it be overshadowed sometimes. I don’t want him to feel like that again. The rejection hurt enough, as did the mistake it was kissing Luke, and I will come to regret that for decades, rightfully so.

He begins to ramble about his plan, about Ann coming over to be with me while he is away, and then trailing into how he will sneak in and out of the packhouse. I close my eyes and let his voice serenade me into a blissful consciousness. He occasionally pauses to kiss my forehead, before continuing through his complex plan to overthrow his brother. I had never imagined his voice being so soothing but now right now I can’t picture falling asleep without it.