Chapter 140

Andrew insisted that I come over to the mansion the next day. He wanted to teach me some techniques for helping me control my wolf when under duress. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but yoga was not it.

“Make sure that the point of your front knee aligns with your toes,” he said as he ran his hands over me, adjusting my form. “And turn your back foot like this…yes, that’s better. Align your hips like this…there you go.”

He removed his hands from my hips. I ached for his touch to return, but I did not move from where he had situated me.

“Now, hold that position for thirty seconds,” he continued.

I obeyed, but my attention wavered. As much as I loved how intimately Andrew was working with me on each position, I was starting to wonder what this had to do with controlling Susan.

“Andrew,” I broached the subject as I held the position, “while I’m sure that yoga makes for a great workout, I don’t see how this will help me with the problems I’ve been having with Susan when I’m stressed.”

“It’s all about your mental state. You need to learn to master your mental obstacles before you can successfully summon Susan at appropriate times. Release.”

I moved from the yoga position to stand normally.

“Yoga and meditation both should help. Now that I’ve shown you some yoga positions, it’s time that we try some meditation. Go ahead and sit down on the mat in the lotus position.”

I took my place on the yoga mat and crossed my legs, each of my feet placed on the opposite thigh. Andrew sat facing me and assumed the same position.

“Now, I want you to close your eyes and take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

Following Andrew’s instructions, I inhaled deeply through my nostrils and then let it out slowly through my mouth.

“That’s it. Focus on your breathing. Shut out all other thoughts.”

I tried to not let my mind wander, but it was increasingly difficult. Thoughts of how this could possibly help me and all of the more productive things that I could be doing kept rising. Even just being this close to the heat radiating off of Andrew’s body was distracting.

“I can tell that you aren’t focusing,” he nagged me. “Keep your attention on your breathing. Let it carry you away.”

I took in a deep breath and released it. Then I did it again, and again. My breathing fell into a rhythm, and that rhythm soon drifted me off into a trance.

“There you go. Now, I want you to imagine a forest. It is massive and wild, with no human influence for as far as the eye can see.”

In my mind’s eye, I saw enormous redwoods and lush greenery. Light trickled in as beams through gaps in the foliage above me. The forest was almost primeval in its untouched serenity.

“Do you see it?” Andrew asked.

“Yes.”

“How does it make you feel?”

“Calm. At peace.”

“Good. Now, I want you to imagine a path. At the end of this path will be a clearing, in which will stand your wolf.”

A dirt path appeared before me. I followed it for what felt like miles before the trees finally parted, revealing a well-lit clearing with a creek running through it. In the center of the clearing, I saw a large, beautiful white wolf with striking blue eyes.

Susan.

“I see her,” I told Andrew.

“Very good. Walk up to her, touch her.”

My hand outstretched, I approached the white wolf. Her unblinking eyes stared at me expectantly. I placed my hand on her head, and she nuzzled my palm.

Tears streaked down my cheeks.

“Have you connected?” Andrew asked.

I nodded.

“Yes, I think we have.”

“Excellent. Now, hold on to that connection, no matter what happens next.”

“What happens next?”

I suddenly felt arms wrap around me. They pulled me backwards, and I felt the cold metal of a knife press against my throat.

The peaceful forest transformed into vampiric territory. Darkness fell, and vampires circled around me. The arms around me turned into Frederick’s, and I froze in my spot.

As Susan snarled and thrashed towards the arms, she slipped from my grasp and faded. I cried out to her, trying to get her to return, but she would not. My heart raced, and my breathing faltered as I tried to find some way, any way, out of this position.

“Crystal, it’s all right,” I heard Andrew say. “You’re all right.”

As quickly as they had come, the arms pulled away from me. The knife left my throat.

The vampiric forest and its monstrous inhabitants disappeared from my view. All that remained was the darkness of my own eyelids.

“Open your eyes, Crystal.”

At first, I stubbornly refused. Then I felt Andrew’s hands grasping my own, and I knew that it was safe to open myself up again.

As I opened my eyes, I saw Andrew kneeling in front of me. Concern was etched into his face. Behind him stood one of his guards, a silver knife in his hand.

I blinked in confusion.

“What…what happened?” I asked.

“I tried to get you to access Susan while stressed, and it didn’t work,” he replied.

My eyebrows furrowed.

“What do you mean, you tried to get me to access Susan while stressed? How?”

Andrew’s eyes drifted to the ground for a moment, then met mine again.

“I had one of my guards simulate an attack on you.”

I ripped my hands away from Andrew, my eyes darting between him and the guard.

“That was you?” I asked. “I didn’t just imagine that. You actually had someone attack me?”

“Simulate an attack on you,” he corrected. “You were never in any real danger—”

“It felt like I was!”

“That was the point. You were supposed to feel as though you were in danger and access Susan to protect you.”

“Well, it didn’t work!”

“Not this time, but if we keep practicing, we’ll know how best to approach your issue.”

I stood up and started pacing, running my hand through my hair.

“No. You don’t understand what that did to me. I thought that I was with the vampires again!”

I stopped pacing and faced Andrew. His eyes were wide with concern, but this did not lessen my fury at all.

“My mind…it thought that the vampire Frederick had gotten me again,” I continued.

“But I killed him—”

“I know that, but it doesn’t make a difference to my subconscious. When this happens to me, I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Don’t you get it?”

Angry, hurt tears flooded my eyes. Andrew approached me, but I backed away.

“Crystal, I was only trying to help you. You won’t be able to overcome this obstacle until we face it head-on.”

I shook my head and stood out of his reach. He decided to give me my space and remained where he was.

“I can’t do this right now,” I said, rubbing the tears out of my eyes with my palm. “I can’t.”

Before Andrew could respond, I turned and ran out of the mansion.