Chapter 250

I lay on the bed I shared with Noah, curled up on my side. My hair hung, tangled and unbrushed, in my face. My pajamas clung to me like a second skin.

I had not left our apartment—or even changed out of my pajamas—for several days. I barely even left our bedroom. All I did was lie on our bed, eat just enough to stave off starvation, and use the facilities.

I wished that I hadn’t run into those women in the laundry room. Maybe then I wouldn’t have learned that Andrew and Princess Aurora had taken their engagement public. Maybe I wouldn’t want the patchwork quilt beneath me to turn into a blackhole and suck me out of existence.

I had known that Andrew was engaged before—how couldn’t I with that huge engagement ring on his hand?—but it hadn’t really hit me until those women in the laundry room showed me the video of the press conference in which they announced it to the world.

They looked so happy together—Andrew and Princess Aurora—and Princess Aurora seemed so confident by Andrew’s side. I had not been that confident since the trauma had taken over. Even Princess Aurora’s engagement ring seemed to shine more brightly than mine.

I looked down at my engagement ring. For the past several days, it felt like a punch to the gut for me to even see that stupid rose gold diamond ring. Nothing about this decision felt right anymore.

I took the ring off and set it on the ground beside our bed. Then I curled further into myself. What was I going to do without Andrew?

Someone knocked on the doorframe, and I flinched. Noah stuck his head in, but I did not acknowledge him.

“Hey, Crystal,” he said. “Can I come in?”

I glanced up at him, then went back to staring into space.

For a moment, he didn’t move. He stared at me, waiting for some indication that he could move further in. When he realized that he wasn’t going to get any more of an answer than that, he walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed near my legs.

“How are you doing today?” he asked.

I shrugged.

“Feeling any better?”

I glared at him.

“Do I look like I’m feeling any better?” I snapped.

Noah cringed. For a moment, I felt even worse for having snipped at him, but the feeling soon melted away into the cauldron of negative emotions simmering inside of me.

“I got a pint of your favorite strawberry ice cream,” he continued hesitantly. “It’s in the freezer. Would you like me to get you some?”

I rolled my eyes. Which magazine did he pull that maneuver from? At least he remembered my favorite flavor of ice cream.

“We could stream a movie if you’d like,” he tried instead. “What’s that one about the angel and the mortal that you like?’

I huffed. Of course, he forgot the title.

“Fallen From Grace,” I muttered, my voice flat and emotionless. “You wouldn’t like that movie. There’s too much nudity.”

I glanced out of the side of my eye to see Noah’s cheeks turn crimson.

“I like nudity as much as the next guy,” he retorted. He cleared his throat and pulled at the collar of his shirt. “I’ll watch it if you want to.”

I sighed and nuzzled the patchwork quilt beneath me.

“No,” I said.

“Maybe…I could massage your back…”

Dear Goddess, I thought, is he trying to make me feel better or himself?

“Or I could—”

“Noah, what is the point of all this?” I asked.

Noah blinked, taken aback.

“What do you mean?”

I propped up on my elbow to try and face him. I brushed my golden locks out of my face, shooting him my most searing look.

“I mean, why are you doing this? Asking me to do these stupid little things? Buying me my favorite ice cream and offering to watch a movie that you might not even like just because I like it?”

“I’m just trying to cheer you up,” Noah said, sounding dejected. “I’m just trying to be a good fiancé. I can’t stand to see you like this.”

“Then just don’t look.”

Noah sighed and stood up. He started to pace, running his hand through his hair so forcefully that I thought that he might rip a handful of it out.

“I only want to help you,” he said. “What do you want from me? How can I fix this?”

“Don’t you get it?” I pounded my fist on the mattress. “You can’t fix this!”

“If you just told me what was wrong, maybe I could.”

I bit my trembling lower lip and turned my head away.

“You know what’s wrong,” I murmured.

Silence enveloped us. All I could hear was our steady breathing and the thumping of my pulse inside my ears.

Noah knew what my problem was as well as I did; I had shown him the video the day that the women in the laundry room had shown it to me. He just didn’t want to address it. In all honesty, neither did I, not with him.

Several minutes passed before either of us spoke again.

“Do you even want to be here?” Noah asked, his voice quiet and sad.

My stomach clenched. For a moment, I contemplated telling the truth. Then I realized that right then wasn’t the time.

“Yes, of course, I do,” I said.

“Are you sure? You’ve barely spent any time out of apartment since you got here—”

“I told you—” I took a deep breath to calm myself— “I told you, you already know what my problem is.”

“You just don’t seem happy here.” He whispered the next sentence, “With me.”

My heart ached, adding guilt to my cauldron of my negative emotions.

“It’s not you.” I shook my head. “Trust me, Noah, it’s not you.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s me! It’s just…me.”

I could not look at Noah for a moment. When I finally did, his expression was a mixture of pity and desperation that I never wanted to see.

“Are you sure that you don’t want some ice cream?” Noah asked, sounding unsure.

Seeing the look on Noah’s face, I couldn’t turn him down.

“All right,” I said. “I’ll have some.”

Noah smiled slightly, but it was a closed-lipped smile that did not quite reach his eyes.

“I’ll get that for you right away.”

He walked up to me and kissed me gently on the forehead. He spotted my engagement ring on the floor and frowned slightly.

“Crystal?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

I hesitated.

“I love you, too.”

As Noah walked out of the room, I laid myself back on the bed and curled up tightly. I grasped part of the patchwork quilt in my fists and held it close to my chest. With a shuddering sigh, I allowed a torrent of tears to run down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Noah,” I whispered into the mattress. “You just can’t fix this.”

I had never had such a bitter taste in mouth…or such a hollow feeling in my heart.