Beyond The Ice

Ava Knight's POV

Crazy bîtch! Would you watch where you’re going? If you wanna die, then go alone!"

The drifting voice of the driver in the dark echoed, accompanied by the harsh blare of his honk. I watched from the side mirror of the driver’s seat as his vehicle skidded off the gravel road narrowly escaping ramming into tree ahead of him.

I almost caused the accident of a stranger, and I felt….nothing. Instead it revved me even harder my decision cemented more within me.

‘Haha! Too bad for you, I already signed a death wish asshole!’ I mused maniacally. My veins pumped with more adrenaline than I thought possible. And my bedazzled skating dress hugged tightly against my back fast drenching with sweats.

My hands gripped the wheels with enough force to rip it apart, and my legs pressed even harder on the throttle.

‘This was it! Alas! I was so close i could feel it on my tongue!’ My heart pounded with so much energy I feared it would burst out.

I couldn’t care less about the mess my mascara and tears mixed with snorts made on my face. But it was bad enough my sights were begining to become so blurry it became difficult to see clearly. Good thing it wouldnt care in a moment.

The moonlight caught the glitters stuck to my hands and the memory of the last hour rushed back at me again.

Blinding lights, deafening cheer noise and packed rows filled with people, whose faces i couldn’t make out from where I stood, jist outside the rink boards along with Mike. Our expressions both tensed with what was yet to come.

And it didn’t help that our competitors were students who rivaled against ours in any given competition. While that wasnt necessarily a big deal, the fact they had never for once lost to us in the past five years jabbed hard at me.

This was my chance to show Dad and Mum how much this all meant to me. Especially…Mum. She had been my biggest inspiration right from the get-go as a kid. Several photographs highlighted her wins from almost all the national competitions she had partake in.

‘An endowed legend.’ Those were the words used to describe her. I had proudly read it in almost every news outlet that covered the skating world at such young age. And i couldnt have been more grateful being her child.

And as expected, everyone had raved on enthusiastically how much greater her offsprings were going to be and break she had set. Only they were met with disappointment wrapped in a human form.

Me.

No matter how much I practiced, missed core classes just to push past my limits at trainings or even followed mum’s advice on cutting down my diets to a ridiculous point–that even Coach actually became worried about my health, I Still remained stuck at the same fûcking position for the past six years.

I’d had so much anxiety when the news of the preliminary competitions were announced, but Mum had stepped up seemingly giving me the push to go for it. Telling me how much she knew I was going to crush it and all.

While that had seem so encouraging in the begining, it soon became apparent she was only doing it herself. And I guess….her image.

And it was all proven right when Mike and I came up third for the pair figure skaters at the end of the competition. My heart were hammering so hard in my ears because I knew what meant for me.

I had subconsciously met her gaze in fear, only to feel my heart shatter at my feet. The subtle look of disappointment and disgrace couldnt be hidden even if she wore her signature motherly smile at the others.

But what had hurt the most were the words that flew out of her mouth when we met at the parking lot.

“You tried your best honey….we are so proud of you.” She rubbed my arms almost mechanically like it was a way to diffuse the undercurrent tension.

“Yes dear. We couldn’t be any happier. You looked amazing out there.” Dad’s curt words accompanied mum’s. I almost believed their words until–

“Yeah. But wouldnt she have looked the best if she was the one wearing the Gold medal?”

A daunting silence followed her words and my heart couldnt have splintered even more than it had since the winners were announced.

“It’s such a shame you know…i mean after going through the histories of the young girls who had participated in the competitions and then discover, they all had to grapple their way to the top with little to no support, it’s only disappointing to come out as third when you’ve been in a much more advantageous position than them.”

The first trail of tears streaked down quietly from my face. I couldn’t find the courage to face their disapproving eyes and it’s worse when Dad made no attempt to stop the hateful words.

“I am believing this would only serve as some sort of motivation for you Ava. You’ve never been denied anything you ever wanted right from your birth till this very moment. So it’s only fair the least you could do to pay us back, is at least come out in second place if you are going to be mediocre about it. The third place is as well nonexistent in the eyes of any successful figure skater. Do better next time.”

And with that she placed a quick kiss on my cheeks like she couldn’t bear even a second around me before turning back and heading towards their car.

My hands clenched harder by my side as Dad gently sighed, then patting me by my arms.

“Goodnight Ava. Drive safely amd call us when you get back to your dorm. Okay?”  Without waiting for a response, he stalked after mum leaving me on my own among the sea of cars.

The noise in my head overwhelmed my sense of reasoning. And the place where the beating organ once lodged comfortably suddenly felt empty and…lonely. People chattered away seemingly happy about the results of the competition.

Only if they knew the results would change the trajectory of what they had come to believe. The tears i had tried so hard to hold back, found its way out. And it wouldn’t stop pouring the more my eyes remained fixed at the spot they once occupied.

‘You could be better you know…..’

‘We’ve given you everything and yet this is all we get?’

‘If you stop being lazy and push yourself, then everything else would be a walk through…’

‘Ava darling, your mum inly wants the best for you. So why don’t you stop being obstinate and just listen?’

Each and every single word of theirs over the years played in my head without a pause. I was always the problem, no matter how much I gave up no one ever saw past the results at the end of the day.

Well, not anymore!

The tires screeched an halt just a few feet away from the edge of the cliff. My breaths came out ragged and hot in my seat. My hands shaking slightly now at what was about to happen.

This was it. No going back. My fingers fumbled with the seat belt before flinging the car door open. And I didn’t realize how chilled the air had become until the first hit of the wind across my face.

My body shook gently as Hives broke free on my skin. I looked around, the place deserted of any human being scaring me more than I had expected. And for a second, a fleeting thought came to me.

‘It’s not too late to go back….’

But I immediately squashed the thought. I was already here now and there was no use going back.

My first step towards the edge of the clip spiked up the adrenaline flowing in harsh course through my vein. The water crashed hard with the jagged, pointed surface of the rocks beneath it, promising ine instant death, with no chance of survival. But at least, you were assured of eternal peace. Just what I wanted.

The noise would all drown finally and I wouldn’t have to live to the disappointing expectations of everyone else.

Faces of my friends flashed fast before me. The smiles we had all shared, the ridiculous pranks we had participated in and our struggles through our first years in college together. With that, the dam broke free again as my lips quivered with tears.

This was more painful than I had expected. But those memories weren’t enough to deter me from my decision. One final look back at my car packed away, I took the last step between life and death.

’Goodbye mum and dad, I love you both but not enough to stay….’

I shut my eyes closed at last and let myself free fall into the wind. The air rushed faster into my lungs and i could feel the moment everything fell off my shoulders. And in less than thirty seconds, I felt my body connecting the hard surface.

MMPH!

At last….its all over now…. Or so I thought.