Chapter 2 NOT IN HEAT

YVAINE

I was working late again which was exactly a surprise to me at this point. But this time it was something I really didn’t mind doing—laundry. It was the least stressful thing on my list of chores, and I enjoyed it because it gave me time to just sit and relax.

The rest of today had been like any other day, perhaps a lot more painful, but I wasn’t going to get into that. Remembering what I went through in the hands of those two betas will only bring up bad memories. I folded the clothes in their separate baskets, leaving Roan’s clothes for last. He gets extremely cranky when I don’t fold his clothes a certain way, and I don’t have the energy to deal with him first thing tomorrow morning.

“Why are you still out here?”

I didn’t hear him come in until it was too late, and my entire body went rigid at the sound of his voice.

“I’m working,” I replied without turning around to face him. Why was he even asking? It wasn’t as if he cared. He stood by this morning when his beta friends… No. I am not going to think about that.

“Is that the only reason? Or were you out here hoping I’d come to you?” he asked, stalking closer.

He and I both knew that was a lie. He knew no part of me would willingly seek him out, but he loves taunting me like this. He loves convincing himself that he’s doing what I want, that I am the filthy one who keeps pushing nasty thoughts through our mate bond even though it’s a lie.

“No.” I knew that was the wrong thing to say, but the word had already left my mouth before I could take it back. “I mean… I am… I am just trying to get this done,” I rephrased, fingers trembling around the worn cotton shirt I was holding as I felt his presence behind me.

Please, please, please, it’s too late for me to be worrying about getting beaten up by Mate.

“Is that so?” he asked, fingers lightly grazing the back of my neck, and I nodded. “Then why do you smell like you’re in heat?” I could feel his already growing erection as he pressed close to me.

Goddess, please, not this again. My body is nothing to him but a hole to use, and I am tired of it. I'm so tired.

“I’m not. I’m not in heat.”

I swallowed as he spun me around. “You are… and you know what that does to me.” His gaze travelled down my throat and then dropped to my cleavage. His eyes gleamed with lust, and the scent of his arousal filled the laundry. He knows I have never experienced my heat, he knows I am receptive, yet he claims I am in heat every time he needs an excuse to justify his lust for me. As if that changes the fact that even he can’t deny how much he wants me.

I didn’t want this. I don’t. “You… you shouldn’t be in here,” I managed to say. He knows he shouldn’t. He’s always hated the idea of fucking me while he isn’t in a rut. He told me I am not worthy of such intimacy and that’s something he’s only ever going to share with his omega, the one he eventually claims. Not me.

“You’re my mate,” he declared as if I didn’t already know that ugly truth. Still, I couldn’t help the way my heart stuttered. The other times he’s said those words, it was always accompanied with spite, but not this time. This he… he was looking at me like he actually believed it.

“You’ve never—” My voice cracked. “You’ve never acknowledged that,” I mumbled, not really sure why I had to point that out, but there was a tiny part of me that was hopeful, and I could feel my wolf stir, despite her being silent.

“So? Doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. Doesn’t mean I don’t want you.” His eyes met mine as he placed his finger beneath my chin, tilting my head back. His thumb brushed my bottom lip, and my pulse jumped so violently I swayed away from him.

“I… what are you doing?” He’s never been this way with me. Never this intimate. He has never kissed me, never touched me like I mean something to him. The times he’s fucked me, it has always been impassive, detached, and done to degrade and humiliate me, nothing else. So what was this?

“What? Am I not allowed to touch my mate?” He asked, pressing closer, and I backed away from him, shaking my head.

“Not like that. We are not—we don’t have that type of thing between us. You don’t get to touch me like that.” I stuttered as I put more distance between us. I don’t need him reviving the lost hope in my heart and making me feel like I could suddenly mean something to him. I don’t need that from him; the fact that he uses my body like a rag doll is more than enough pain and shame for me to handle.