Chapter 17

The next day, I hug Grace goodbye for the day, leave her in the care of Susan and Thomas, and head for my old apartment.

For it being the day I got to go on my dream date, it felt like I had to pry myself out of bed and force myself out the door that morning. The only thing I want to do today is curl alone and sleep. Not because I’m tired, but because I don’t want to go out and see people today.

I feel on edge and agitated. I don’t have the energy this date deserves. But it’s my first one with Julian since getting this job and he already bought the tickets, so I don’t have much of a choice.

I walk to the apartment and let myself inside.

“Surprise!” Julian announces the moment I step through the door.

“What is this?” I ask with a grin. A cake sits on the counter with giant numbers 2 and 9 candles on top. Julian pulls out a lighter and lights them.

“Your birthday cake. I know it’s a little late, but we can celebrate today, right?” He says happily.

It’s sweet, it really is. So, I force the smile to stay on my face, even though it’s a lie and say, “I suppose we can.”

“Make a wish.” Julian says and I lean forward to blow out the candles. I don’t bother with the wish. I already made it on a different piece of cake over a week ago.

“Cake now or later?” Julian asks.

I don’t really feel like cake, so I say, “Maybe when we get back.”

Julian’s smile falters a bit, but he doesn’t push me as he says, “Alright, are you ready to go?”

I just nod and follow him out the door.

Once outside, he puts an arm around my shoulder and clears his throat. “I know I’ve said it already, but I really am sorry about the other day. I should have answered your call.”

“I know you are.” I say. “It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” He asks, “You seem like you might still be angry with me.”

Was I angry with him? Was that why I was in such a bad mood? I really didn’t know. Telling him that it was “okay” was a lie. It wasn’t okay. I was still hurt, and it felt like he still didn’t really understand why. Yet, saying that was the reason I was feeling this way today didn’t seem right.

Since I couldn’t find the words to explain that to Julian, I just said, “I’m ok. Just tired.”

“Well, I told you I would make it up to you. This trip is pretty great, isn’t it?” Julian gives me a proud smile.

The words telling him that material things and trips don’t make up for the hurt of him not being there when I needed him where on the tip of my tongue. Then I stopped myself.

A different fight was replaying itself in my head, just like it had all the previous day and all night. The anger in Adrian’s eyes when I accused him of doing exactly what my boyfriend was doing now, and the frustration I felt at his overbearing commands, were the memories that were tying my stomach into knots and making me want to curl into a ball on the sidewalk.

I said some hurtful things to him. Regret and shame curled around my chest and squeezed until that was all I could think about. The confusion and resentment I felt when he told me I couldn’t talk to Leon anymore didn’t go away all night.

It wasn’t my anger at Julian that had me feeling this way today. It was my fight with Adrian.

When I don’t answer, Julian must think my mood is still because of him, because the arm around my shoulders tightens and he tucks me in closer to his side. The comforting touch brings me back to the present and I stop going over that argument with Adrian in my head. I force the negative mood down and to the back of my mind.

“Yeah,” I finally answer, “This trip is pretty great.”

“And speaking of dates, you know that family ceremony I was telling you about?” Julian asks. I nod. “Well, I’ve decided to go, and I was hoping you would come with me.”

My heart stalls and panic starts creeping in. Not only do I not want to go, but there’s no telling who might be there that knows I’m Grace’s nanny. There’s a good chance someone might let the truth slip. Besides that, I don’t think I’m ready for a family gathering with Julian. That’s a big step and I just don’t think we’re there yet.

“I don’t know.” I say, pushing down my anxiety. “I don’t know if I’m ready for all of that. Besides, I don’t think I’ll fit it with all those wealthy women.”

I already know I won’t. I’ve met a few and one of them threatened to rip my throat out yesterday.

“Are you kidding me?” Julian says with grin as he gives me a squeeze. “You are just as beautiful as any of those rich women, and twice as amazing. You’ll be great!”

I really don’t have a good excuse, and there’s a chance no one there knows who I am. Maybe it would be fine.

“Can I think about it?” I ask.

“Of course.” Julian says sounding a little disappointed, but he presses a kiss to the side of my head anyway.

The Jeneau Castle was everything I had imagined it would be. Julian had VIP tickets, so we got to skip the line for the swing and wander the gardens without a guide. It doesn’t take long for Julian to get bored. Several times, I point out flowers or beautiful landscapes and look to see him on his phone. Frustrated, I stop trying to talk to him about it and just try to enjoy the walk through the gardens.

We get to a section, and I stop to admire the way the rosebushes stand out against some foliage with tiny white flowers, when Julian’s hand on my back has me turning.

“For you.” He says simply as he hands me a cut bushel of lilac he’s just bought from a man at a cart. I take the flower and force a smile. I love flowers, but lilacs are my least favorite. I hate how strong they smell, and they always make me sneeze. There used to be bush across the street from our apartment, and I commented on it all the time to Julian.

I sigh as he continues to wander, oblivious to my disappointment. I don’t want to ruin our day by pointing out his mistake, so I keep my mouth shut and follow him. It’s true what they say. It really is the little things that make all the difference.

Adrian

The ice clinks against the side of my glass as I swirl the amber liquid and stare out the window at the lawn below.

I was home earlier than I had planned to be, but with the words between me and Lily playing over and over in my head, there was no point in attending that last meeting. So, I canceled it and headed home. I owe her an apology, or at least an explanation. What I said was harsh and I didn’t mean to insinuate that she would cheat on Julian. I meant to protect her but all I did was offend her. We hadn’t spoken again. In fact, it seemed she was avoiding me as much as I was avoiding her for the rest of the day.

Guilt churns in my gut so persistent that not even the liquor tampers it.

She was off today, going with Julian somewhere she’s always wanted to go. Those gardens were some of the most beautiful in the world. I could only imagine her face lighting up and her smile when she saw them.

A stab of jealousy I had no right to burns along with my guilt at the thought that Julian would get to see that reaction. That he would get to share this memory with her.

I push back my irritation and pour another ounce over some fresh ice when I hear the door open and steps down the hall toward the Lavendar room.

She’s back.

I wait several minutes, finishing my last drink, before I head downstairs to the parlor where I find her changed into a nightgown and curled up with Grace on the couch with a book. A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth.

“Daddy, come listen!” Grace waves me over.

I walk over and sit in the chair across from them, lounging back and crossing an ankle over my knee.

Lily doesn’t look at me. She just adjusts her seat and absentmindedly tugs at the hem of her nightgown, pulling it down further over her sleek thighs.

She continues reading the story about an orphan princess in a fairytale. She gets to the part about the princess not being allowed to go to the ball and meet the prince when Grace interrupts.

“Is that because she’s an orphan? Is that why she isn’t allowed to marry the prince?”

“Yes.” She says, her face taking on a guarded look, “That’s right.”

I swallow against the tension against my gut.

“But the queen is wrong.” I chime in, looking at Grace. “No one is unworthy of something just because of where they came from and they should never feel like they are.”

Lily avoids my gaze and keeps her eyes on the page of the book. “That’s easier said than done. Not everyone feels that way.”

“I do.” I say instinctively.

Grace, ever the perceptive one, looks from me, to Lily, and back again, before blurting out, “Are you talking about the princess or Lily?”

Words leave me.