Chapter 18

“Both.” Adrian answers Grace’s question and I let out my breath slowly. I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding it. A warmth floods my chest, and I suppress the smile that threatens my lips.

The feeling of his eyes on me has me tugging at the hem of my nightgown again. It was a particularly warm and humid night, and I had thought Adrian wasn’t home when I put it on. Now I just felt a little silly for wearing it.

I feel him looking at me, so I finally meet his gaze. He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t speak, so I just look back at the book and continue with Grace’s story.

When I finish the story, Susan appears at the door and ushers Grace to bed. Technically, it’s still my day off, so she insists. I think the housekeeper is starting to warm up to me a little.

Once Grace is out of the room, Adrian rises and clasps his hands in front of him. “I have a surprise for you, if you’ll walk with me.”

“What kind of surprise?” I ask, feeling a little wary.

“In the garden.” He says, tilting his head in the direction of the door to the back lawn.

I just nod and follow him as he leads me outside and down a path into the garden. When we round a bend, I stop and a gasp escapes my lips.

There in the center of one of the beds, surrounded by flowers, is a single wooden swing. It’s a smaller replica of the infamous one I just saw today, but here, alone under the moonlight, there’s something more beautiful about this one.

“I just had it installed today. I was hoping you would help me try it out.” Adrian says quietly.

My stomach flutters and tears threaten my eyes. I had suspected Adrian might have heard me talking about the castle and had a hand in planning today with Julian. Now I’m re-visiting those thoughts because the sight before me was just like a dream.

I take Adrian’s offered arm as he escorts me to the swing and I sit down, careful to keep the skirt of my nightgown as low as I can.

He grasps the ropes of the swing, pulls me back gently, and lets go, letting me sway back and forth. I feel his hands as he pushes gently on my back to keep me going, not letting me get too high.

“I owe you an apology.” He says, quietly. “I was harsh yesterday. I shouldn’t have insinuated the things I did. I was trying to watch out for you, but I went about it the wrong way.”

Tears sting at my eyes. “I’m sorry too.” I say. “I spoke out of anger and said things I didn’t mean. It was out of line.”

The tears sting a little harder, threatening to fall. My apology feels insufficient and flat. I’m sitting on my childhood dream in a gorgeous garden after he sent me and my boyfriend on what should have been my perfect date, and yet all I can do about the hurtful words I said to him is say “I’m sorry.”

I feel horrible and the misery I’ve been suppressing all day bubbles to the surface as Adrian says without a hint of resentment, “All is forgiven.”

I’m silent for a few moments, holding back the sob that’s working its way up my throat. I don’t know why I ask it, or what I expect him to say, but I can’t stop the question as it bursts from my mouth. “What kind of person do you think I am?”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, as though he’s considering his answer. I start to feel afraid of what he might say, my heart pounds and every second is an eternity. Adrian and I’s relationship has been a little complicated since the day we met. I’m not sure why I need to know this answer, but I do.

“I see the way you are with Grace and the face you show the world, and I see someone with a compassionate heart who sees people and what they need. You’re strong and resilient in the face of difficulties, but those hardships haven’t jaded you. You’re still hopeful and you show love and kindness to the people around you. That’s the kind of person you are.” His voice is kind, yet confident as he speaks. As though there is a conviction behind every word.

It is the kindest and most considerate thing anyone has ever said to me. It penetrates my heart, and warmth floods my chest. It’s like I’ve finally heard the words I’ve needed to hear all day, and they bring the fulfillment of a cold glass of water under a hot summer sun. Just like that, the dam breaks, and the tears I’ve been holding refuse to be restrained any longer as they trail down my cheeks.

Adrian stops the swing. “Please don’t cry. That wasn’t supposed to make you sad.”

I wave my hand and wipe at my face. “I’m not sad. These are good tears.”

I can’t see his face from where he stands behind me, but I feel the gentle pull of the ropes as he pushes me back and forth on the swing. He doesn’t say anything as he pushes me higher and I start to laugh as the swing climbs higher and higher. Suddenly, the ropes jolt with the height, my heart lurches, and I give a small yelp.

“Stop!” I gasp, but I’m still giggling as Adrian catches me and brings the swing to a stop. With his arms around me, my heart steadies itself and I feel safe and secure in a way I never feel with anyone else.

Just for a fleeting moment, I let myself consider what my life would have been like had I met Adrian first. How much happier might I have been if he weren’t my boyfriend’s father? Would every day be filled with moments like these?

Those thoughts make me want to cry again. So I shove them down and lock them away. It doesn’t help to think about those things because I can’t go back and change time. Adrian is Julian’s father. There’s nothing that can change that.

I clear my throat and hoping to distract from the fresh wave of tears that I’m sure are glistening my eyes, I ask, “What’s your favorite movie?”

I think I surprise him with the question, because he lets me go and starts pushing the swing again, keeping it low this time.

I don’t know how long we stay there, swinging in the garden and chatting about everything from movies, to books, to music, to our favorite colors. Every time the conversation starts to look like it’s closing, I think of another question, prolonging this moment as long as I can. Because this moment is all it will ever be, and eventually it will end.

When it does, I find myself reluctantly heading back to my room for bed. It’s late and I have to rise early for Grace’s piano lesson in the morning.

Before I crawl into bed, I check my phone and see a message from Julian. It’s a screenshot of the invitation to the ceremony with a message about how he told his friends I’m coming and they’re looking forward to meeting me.

I surge of frustration dampens my good mood. I told him I would think about it, and now he’s just made the decision for me. Now that I’m expected, I’ll have to attend or there will be questions about why I didn’t come. I could strangle Julian.

I read the details on the invitation. Then I read them again. I’m not sure what “Black Tie Optional” means, but I’m pretty sure I don’t own an appropriate dress for it.

I call Julian. Hoping he can shed some light on what I’m supposed to wear and maybe to voice my ire with him for committing me to an event I hadn’t agreed to attend yet.

The call goes to voicemail. I groan and call again.

The strange voice that answers isn’t my boyfriend.

“Is Julian there? It’s Lily.” I say, to the mystery man.

“Oh, Lily! This is Tyler, a friend of Julian’s.” The male voice is loud and there’s a lot of commotion in the background. Is he at a party?

“Is Julian there?” I ask, holding back my irritation. “I need to talk to him.”

The voice hesitates and then answers. “Yeah, he’s here, but he’s pretty drunk, so I don’t think now is a great time for him to talk.”

Of course he is. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose.

“But, hey!” The loud man continues, slurring a little himself, “We’re looking forward to meeting you at the ceremony! Julian showed us a picture of you and we can’t wait to see your glow up!”

Glow up? How much of a beauty transformation was I expected to go through, here?

I hang up on the strange man and head to my closet to stare at the sparse choices. I have a few dresses, but nothing that seem to fit the description of “black tie”.

My head swims and suddenly, I’m overwhelmed and confused. This ceremony seems like a high-class and important event. If I wear the wrong thing, I could embarrass Adrian. Then my gut twists and sours again. Tears collect in my eyes and threaten to spill and this time, they aren’t the good kind as I realize it.

Not for the first time, I find myself concerned about what Adrian thinks, and forgetting all about Julian.