Chapter 21

My breath hitches and my cheeks flame as Adrian brings the box of crackers down to sit on the counter. He’s so close I can feel the warmth of his body and smell his cologne. I don’t seem to know what to say or do, so I just stand there, feeling the pull to lift my head and raise my mouth to his. I want so badly to taste him again, to feel the strength of those hands on my skin.

My blood rushes faster as the memories of that mouth and what it did to my body floods my mind like a hurricane. I wrestle to shove them back down where they belong, but they refuse to budge.

And yet, what is most infuriating to me at the moment, is how completely unbothered Adrian seems to be. He’s not even touching me, and my body is raging like a teenager at nothing more than his proximity, and he’s just casually standing there with all dignified grace.

“Was that all you wanted?” He asks easily, still not moving away. It takes me a second before I remember that he’s asking about the food in the cabinet. I’m not even hungry anymore. At least not for the crackers…

“Yes.” I manage to answer, though my voice sounds breathy in my ears. The inescapable pull to raise my chin and brush my lips across his almost has me at a complete surrender when I jolt back to reality at the sound of my name being barked down the stairs.

“Lily, where are you?!” Julian calls impatiently.

With a sudden burst of panic, I turn toward the sound, push past Adrian, and rush back up the stairs. Reaching my room, I take a moment outside of the door to steady my breath before stepping inside.

Julian looks angry again. He seemed fine a minute ago, but he’s clearly lost his patience now.

“Where have you been?” He snaps. “We haven’t seen each other in weeks. Now we finally get a night together, and you’re turning me down, disappearing, and acting like you don’t even want me here.”

“That’s not true!” I insist, but I can taste the lie. I should want him here. Julian knowing the truth about my working for his father should make things better, but a part of me would be relieved if he left.

“Yes, it is!” Julian yells. “You know it’s true. That’s why your face is flushed. You’re nervous because I’m right.”

“My face is flushed because you called for me, and I ran up a flight of stairs and down the hall. Now you’re yelling at me and I don’t know why!” I argue, though a stab of guilt pains me. That wasn’t the only reason I was nervous. I turned down Julian tonight, but a moment ago, Adrian had my skin on fire.

I did wish Julian wasn’t here, because then I wouldn’t have to face him now. Panic races through me urging me to run away. I need to get away from him. I can’t breath and I need some air.

“I need to tuck Grace into bed.” I say finally and turn to go from the room.

“Lily, wait.” Julian tries to stop me, but I ignore him. I rush out the door and down the hall, feeling instant relief with more space between us.

Poking my head into Grace’s room shows me she is fast asleep. I’m not ready to go back to my room. The idea of going back and talking to Julian right now makes me feel sick to my stomach. So, instead, I go for a walk.

I let myself outside and follow the little path through the garden until I reach the place I didn’t realize I was even going.

The swing surrounded by flowers.

I sit down and sway back and forth, stewing in my thoughts. Being in the house with both Adrian and Julian, it was impossible not to realize the truth. I used to be happy with Julian, but with that happiness came so much else. I was constantly struggling with feeling like I couldn’t rely on him. I always felt like I had to take care of both of us.

I’ve never felt so secure as I did after I met Adrian. He had the steadiness of a rock, and I never questioned whether I was safe with him or whether he would look out for me. If I had been in this position before I was with Julian, it would be no contest between the two. I would have chosen Adrian.

Except he’s Julian’s father. It’s too late now. I’ll just have to hope Julian can grow up and I can learn to rely on him too. Hopelessness threatens to swallow me whole, and tears prick at my eyes. I focus my attention on swinging back and forth and taking in the beauty of the garden as I wrestle to get my emotions under control.

Feeling a little more calm, I head back inside and climb the stairs to my room. Keeping as quiet as possible, I slide into bed next to a sleeping Julian.

I don’t fall asleep all night.

Adrian POV:

The hot water hitting my skin does little to clear my head. The events of the day keep replaying over and over like a song.

Lily trying on dress after dress, her teasing me and defending me to Julian. Seeing her looking so uncomfortable on the couch with him later had made the wolf in me scream. It had been a practice in self-control not to throw my own son out of my house at the sight. Then in the kitchen, so near to her, feeling her heart race and her skin flush as I fought not to reach out and touch her.

It’s that image that has me reaching to grip myself. I couldn’t deny that I wanted her. My body wouldn’t let me forget it either. I pump once, hard, thinking about the memory of that skin against mine. Again, at the thought of the taste of those lips. Again, at the way her breath speeds up whenever I’m near.

Memory after memory has me pumping my cock harder and faster until I’m spent and shaking under the heat of the water.

Stepping out of the shower. I throw a towel around my waist and go to my bedroom where I’ve stashed a bottle of scotch. Pouring myself an ounce, I go to look out the window.

Below, I see her. Lily is wrapped in her robe and walking down the little pathway through the garden. I wonder what’s wrong and why she’s taking a walk alone tonight.

“At least she’s not with him.” The wolf growls. “How could you give your mate to him?”

I shake my head and tell the wolf to silence itself. Lily is Julian’s mate. She will never be mine.

“Are you sure about that?” The wolf asks. “She wants you. Consider the way her heart beats faster, her face flushes, and the way she smiles when we are around. She doesn’t exactly seem to be happy with Julian here.”

It was true. Even when I walked in on them, before she realized I was there, she seemed like she was on the verge of pushing him away. If that was true, what would I have done? If she is attracted to me, if she rejects Julian, what would I do then? Would I claim her for myself or let her walk away forever?

A little hope surges before I can shove it away and lock it down. My mind wars with itself tormenting me with the possibilities. But the reality is that Lily is my son’s mate. There is no hope for us.

Yet that little spark refuses to extinguish.