Chapter 22

The next morning, I get up long before Julian. I didn’t sleep at all, and I feel exhausted not only physically but emotionally.

I get ready and leave to get Grace up and dressed. She greets me with a smile and a chipper “Good morning!” that lifts my spirits despite my tiredness. I get her ready for the day and we walk downstairs to breakfast as she continues to chatter away happily about her riding lesson later that day.

We walk into the kitchen, and I stop short at the sight of Julian at the counter. I didn’t think he would be up by now. I do my best to ignore him and walk Grace to the breakfast bar where the chef has her eggs waiting.

Leaving Grace to her food, I make my way to the coffee pot and pour myself a mug. Julian comes up behind me and places a kiss on my cheek before whispering in my ear, “I’m sorry I yelled.”

Guilt stabs at me again and I feel nauseous. I can’t help but feel like a coward for not staying to talk to him last night.

Unable to answer, I just nod and take a bite of the toast the chef hands me.

“Lily, can I go outside until it’s time to leave?” Grace asks hopefully, presenting her empty plate for inspection.

I nod and she dashes up and out the door as though I could change my mind at any moment.

“I’ll come back tonight.” Julian promises. “Can’t leave you and Adrian alone too long. Heaven only knows what you two will do.”

I startle and choke on my coffee, my heart pounds in my chest and panic rises, until I look up to see Julian smiling at me. He chuckles a little and I realize, he thinks I’ve choked on a laugh. I force a smile to cover my anxiety.

It’s a joke. An innocent joke, really. He probably didn’t even mean for it to sound as insinuating as it did. Yet, my mind can’t help but entertain the thought that he might know what happened in the kitchen last night. Was that why he got so angry so suddenly?

“We do tend to conspire well together.” Adrian says as he walks through the door. He’s dressed for work in his suit and tie. He grabs a travel cup of coffee and he’s about to rush out the door when he stops and says, “How about dinner tonight? The three of us.”

My mind scrambles for an excuse and comes up empty. I would rather walk barefoot across shards of glass than endure an entire dinner with the two of them at the same time. But they are family, and time together is to be expected.

I force myself to smile and nod. “That sounds lovely.”

Julian doesn’t look happy about it, but he nods as well. “Sure. I’ll be here by six.”

“Excellent. I’ll see you both then.” Adrian says as he turns to grab his briefcase and walk out the door.

The day goes by too quickly. Before I know it, it’s time to join for dinner. Grace is collected by Susan, and I clean up. I haven’t heard from Julian all day, and when I get to the dining room by six, he is nowhere to be seen.

“Have you heard from Julian?” Adrian asks.

“No, I’ll call him.” I offer, and pull out my phone. The call rings and then goes to voicemail. I send him a text asking where he is. After a few minutes, I call again. No answer.

Adrian and I sit at the table across from each other and wait. Thirty minutes go by and still no sign of Julian.

Adrian sighs. “Well, we might as well begin. Perhaps he’ll join us later.”

I can’t help but feel embarrassed. I know I’m not responsible for Julian, but Adrian is disappointed, and I feel guilty on his behalf.

“I’m sorry.” I say, apologizing for my boyfriend.

Adrian raises his brows a little. “You have no reason to apologize. Tell me, how did you meet my son?”

My mouth tugs at the corners a bit and I tell him the story. It’s hard to miss the gleam of a father’s pride in his eyes when I tell him how Julian not only defended me, but ensured I made it home safely as well.

I tell him about how we’ve always gotten along well, and even though things get tough, we’ve always managed to figure it out together.

As dinner carries on, Adrian continues to ask me questions, and I find myself telling him everything from my childhood to my habits. He offers little of his own life, but he seems more concerned with learning about me than with sharing about himself.

It’s easy to talk to Adrian, and when I do, I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt so seen by someone. Like they genuinely cared about what I said and were actually paying attention.

I pick up my glass of wine and that’s when I realize it. What we’ve unintentionally done. The lighting, the food, the wine, the conversation.

This could be a date. And considering how we met, and everything that entailed, not to mention how my body still flushes whenever he is near, this is entirely inappropriate.

Suddenly, my stomach is flipping over. I haven’t eaten much, but I don’t think I can take another bite.

Adrian doesn’t seem to notice my sudden discomfort. Yet, I know that if Julian walked in on this, he would have something to say about it.

“Excuse me.” I say, pushing my plate back and standing. Adrian, ever the gentleman, rises with me. “I forgot, I promised Grace I would read to her tonight. Thank you for dinner.”

I hadn’t promised Grace anything, but it was all I could think of to get away from the table.

“Of course.” Adrian says. “Thank you for taking such good care of her.”

I can only nod before I turn to leave. I fight to keep my pace as natural as possible all the way out the door.

It’s almost ten before Julian finally appears. I’m lying in bed, trying to read, when he waltzes in with a nonchalant, “Hey, baby.”

“Where have you been?” I demand.

He stops short, looking lost. “What do you mean?”

“Did you forget? We told your father we would have dinner with him tonight and you never showed up.” I put my book down and get up off the bed, hands on my hips.

“I was with the band. We were working. It was just dinner. It’s not that big of a deal.” Julian scoffs at me.

“It is a big deal.” I insist. “You stood me up again!”

“I didn’t stand you up.” He rolls his eyes at me. Anger surges and I feel my jaw clench in frustration. I am so sick of him downplaying things whenever he does something wrong.

“Yes, you did! I’m tired of having this conversation with you, Julian. Why are you always doing things like this?” My voice rises and I’m on the verge of yelling, but I can’t help it.

“I didn’t do anything wrong. You have no reason to feel this way!” He shouts back at me. “Why do you have to make everything such a big deal? Lighten up!”

The groan I let out is no substitute for the scream I want to make. I feel angry and a little hopeless. I can’t keep having these conversations with him. He just won’t listen.

“The big deal is that you said you would be here, and then you weren’t!” I push back. “I’m tired of my boyfriend not seeming to care. This relationship isn’t going to last if you aren’t willing to grow up!”

Julian snaps.

In three strides, he’s across the room, and before I can react, his hands are gripped around my arms and he’s shaking me.

“I’m the one who doesn’t care?! You’re the one who doesn’t care! You don’t see me threatening to walk away!” He shouts. He’s leaning in, his face red and his eyes angry.

I’ve never been afraid of Julian before, but at this moment, I honestly think he might hurt me.

A small, startled scream escapes my throat, and he seems to realize what he’s doing. He releases my arms like they burned him and takes two giant steps away from me.

I’m shaking and my breath is staggered. Tears burn my eyes and threaten to spill down my cheeks. I don’t know what to say. I’m just staring at him in shock and disbelief.

“I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry. I’m going to go back to the apartment.” He finally says. My shock doubles. He’s sorry for yelling? That’s it?

He picks up his overnight bag and walks out of the room. Not realizing what I’m doing, I follow him out the door.

“Lily? Julian?” A voice says and I start as I turn to face Adrian who has come down the hall, a look of concern over his face. “What’s with the shouting? Is everything alright?”

He looks at me and studies my face, and I swear a flash of anger, so fast I might have imagined it, glances through his eyes.