Chapter 31

Tears well in my eyes. I’m so tired of crying lately. I let out a frustrated groan and wipe at my face, which of course, only serves to make the tears pool faster.

“I’m so sorry.” I say to Adrian. “I’ve been so much trouble from the moment we met. You probably regret ever hiring me.”

Adrian looks at me with genuine compassion. “Lily, none of this is your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. I have never regretted hiring you. You have been wonderful with Grace, and I couldn’t have asked for a better nanny.”

Tears of guilt quickly turned to tears of anger. “You’re right.” I tell him. “This wasn’t my fault, it was Julian’s. He brought me to the ceremony, he humiliated me. I didn’t even want to be there.”

Adrian hesitates and then places his hands on my shoulders. There is nothing necessarily intimate or inappropriate about the touch. Nothing that an older male relative wouldn’t do. But his sturdy hands are grounding, and I feel my body heat as he looks at me anyway.

“My son made mistakes. I’m not diminishing what he did. I think he just wanted so badly to show you off and he forgot what this world is like. He’s been away for a long time. Then when it didn’t go well, he tried to defend you and went about it wrong.” Adrian explains patiently.

My heart aches with the explanation. I could understand it when he put it that way. It still didn’t excuse anything, but at least I could understand it. I sigh heavily.

“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.” Adrian continues, and I couldn’t hide my confusion if I tried.

“You did protect me.” I protest.

“No, I didn’t.” He argues. “I shouldn’t have allowed you to come, and when you did, I should have made sure Julian understood how to look out for you. I should have kept you with me where you would have been safe. I’m sorry.”

The tears start their dramatics again. They well in my eyes and stream down my face in hot rivers.

I couldn’t understand why he felt that way. I had been nothing but trouble for him lately. If anything, he had every reason in the world to break us up.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” I manage to say through my sobs. “I humiliated you. You should be sending me packing right now.”

His hands leave my shoulders, but only long enough for him to wrap his arms around me and pull me into his chest for the tightest, warmest hug I think I have ever received. With my face buried in his chest, his strong embrace brings me more comfort than I remember feeling in a long time.

I feel safe in his arms. Like the world could completely fall apart, but I would be secure and protected so long as I was right here. I’ve been lonely for so much of my life, but when I’m with Adrian, that loneliness doesn’t exist anymore.

He releases me and places his hands back on my shoulders so he can peer into my face again.

“You could never humiliate me.” He assures me. “You are intelligent, strong, and you have the kindest heart. Don’t ever believe that who you are could embarrass me.”

I nod, feeling comforted by his words. He says them with such conviction, I know he isn’t just saying them to make me feel better. He believes them.

My phone rings, I look to see that it’s Erica calling.

“Thank you.” I say to Adrian. “For everything. I should take this.”

He gestures for me to go ahead and excuses himself from the room. I answer the call to hear my hysterical friend say, “Please tell me your phone has a terrible glitch, and you haven’t been able to access the internet all day.”

“Unfortunately, no.” I say. “I take it you saw that I’m starring in several awful memes and videos?”

“Oh, honey I can’t believe this is happening. Whose ass do I need to kick?” Erica’s tone turns menacing, and I know she’s actually not kidding.

“No need to incur jail time over it.” I answer. “Adrian had it taken care of. The photos and videos are all gone now.”

“I did notice that I can’t find them anymore.” Erica admits. “Wow, so Julian got over his father issues and asked for a favor for you? That’s big of him.”

Erica sounds impressed, and I cringe a little at having to correct her with the truth.

“Well, no. Adrian did it. I haven’t heard from Julian all day.”

“Of course you haven’t.” She says, not sounding at all surprised. “You know, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You’re dating the wrong Whitmore.”

I scoff at her and roll my eyes. “Hey, I need to go. Grace is waiting for me.”

I hang up the phone and turn to see Adrian at the doorway. I know he hasn’t been there the whole time, but as he comes toward me and offers me the glass of water in his hand, I have a moment of panic that he heard Erica’s suggestion on the other side of the phone. I doubt it, but my friend talks loudly.

“I thought that would help after the tears. Feel better?” He asks and I nod. He’s so nonchalant and casual, my mind sets itself at ease. He didn’t hear anything.

I hope.

Later that night, I still haven’t heard from Julian. Then again, the last time we spoke, I told him to leave me in peace. Deciding that perhaps he was just giving me space and hadn’t seen the social media posts, as unlikely as that was considering how often my boyfriend was on his phone, I call him.

“Hey, baby.” He greets me, sounding genuinely happy to hear from me.

“Hi, I’ve had the worst day.” I say, dreading having to go through it all again. But I do, telling him about the posts and the confrontation at the mall.

“That’s awful, baby. I’m so sorry. Try to stay off your phone, okay? People will move on to something else soon. I wish there was something I could do about it, but I can’t.” He sounds sincerely sympathetic, but my frustration ignites anyway.

That’s all he has to say? I was attacked at the mall, with Grace there, and all he has to say to me is that I should stay off of my phone?

“It’s ok, Adrian took care of it.” I say, trying to sound casual and not at all annoyed with him. “There’s nothing online anymore. So, I think it’s over.”

There’s silence on the other end of the phone for several seconds. Then, finally, “You went to Adrian? Why would you go to my father with this instead of me?”

Is he actually angry about this?

“I didn’t go to your father.” I correct him. “I didn’t ask him to do anything. He just did it.”

“Of course he did.” He scoffs. “He can’t resist sticking his nose in my business where it doesn’t belong.”

He is actually mad about this. This is unbelievable.

“Why are you angry? I’m Adrian’s employee and his son’s girlfriend. It is his business. And I’m grateful he did something about it. You certainly didn’t, and don’t tell me you didn’t see them. You are constantly on your phone, so I know you did.” I think I’m going to cry again. I try to maintain my composure, but my emotions have a mind of their own lately.

It sounds like Julian is taking a deep breath, reigning in his temper.

“I’m not mad.” He finally says. “Just next time, call me. I’ll handle it. If you see any more posts just ignore them. People will move on eventually.”

So much for handling it. I don’t tell him that though. I just say “Okay” and tell him good-night before hanging up the phone.

I feel defeated and exhausted. But not the kind of exhaustion where I can sleep. The kind where I feel like just giving up.

Earlier that day, I had felt safer and more secure with Adrian telling me that everything was okay than I have ever felt with Julian.

It shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t feel like this more with my boyfriend’s father than I do with my boyfriend. Not for the first time, I wonder what my life would be like if I had met Adrian first. Would I have chosen him over Julian?

The truth I had to face was that yes, I would have.

Knowing that no sleep was going to happen like this, I go for a walk. Leaving the house, I walk out to the gardens and through the other side toward the trees at the edge of the property.

I look up at the moon and breathe in the warm night air. I’ve always loved the moon. When I was a child growing up in foster care, I would stare up at it every night. It always brought me comfort. No matter where I went, or which family I was with, the moon was in the sky every night, and when it wasn’t, it would always come back. It was a reminder that some things were constant and reliable.

Movement near the trees catches my attention and I look to see a figure in the shadows. It’s Adrian. Even in the dark, I know it’s him. He doesn’t see me. I wonder what he’s doing out here. He’s shirtless and I watch, transfixed as he lowers his pants.

I want to call out. Tell him that I’m there, but before I can, he throws his head back and a loud yell cuts through the silent air like a knife. His body starts convulsing, and his joints crack. Hair appears where there used to be just flesh, and before I truly comprehend what I’m seeing, a wolf, large and grey, with piercing yellow eyes, stands before me.

I scream.