Chapter 42

I can’t sleep again. My mind is turning over and over itself. I haven’t been trying for very long, but I know any further attempts will be futile.

I keep thinking about Julian. Trying to reason with myself that his wellbeing is no longer my responsibility. Yet, I can’t seem to rid myself of this habit to worry about him.

I don’t love him. Not in the way I used to. In truth, those emotions have been dying slowly for months. To the point where, by the time I ended things, I didn’t mourn the relationship we had. I mourned the one we used to be.

I kick off the blankets and decide to go for a walk. Dressing in yoga pants and a t-shirt, I start to head outside to the garden when I see a light on in Adrian’s study.

He’s probably busy. Then again, I haven’t given him the weekly report about Grace. So, I might as well ask if now is as good a time as any.

I knock softly on the door.

“Yes?” He calls out and I open the door to see him lounging back in his desk chair with a glass of scotch in his hand.

“Lily, come on in. It’s late, I’m surprised you’re still up.” He motions to the decanter on the table in the corner. “Care to join me?”

“Why not?” I shrug. Maybe the liquor will help me sleep. He pours me a glass and hands it to me while I sit in the guest chair on the other side of his desk. Instead of going back to his seat, he leans back against the desk in front of me.

The way he looks at me, his eyes intense and a soft smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, like there’s genuine affection there, makes my heart warm. As well as a few other places, but maybe that’s just the scotch.

“I just wanted to see if you wanted me to give you an update on Grace.” I say, taking a sip of my drink.

His mouth stretches to a soft smile. “Of course.”

“She’s doing really well.” I say, “Her tutor says she’s keeping up well, and all of her instructors say the same thing. Though, I hate to break it to you, she still hates the piano.”

He barks a laugh that I can’t help but give a return smile to.

“I guess I can give up hoping she might change her mind. She’s good, so it’s a bit of a shame. But I suppose if she really hates it, I can’t force her.” He says and pours another ounce over the ice in his glass.

“She loves art. Maybe put her energy into that instead.” I advise him.

He seems to think a moment. “Painting lessons, perhaps.”

“I gave you a few of her pictures you might enjoy.” I say and gesture to the folder on his desk with the weeks’ notes.

He opens it and appears to study the picture for a moment, then looking perplexed, he asks, “What is it?”

I feign outrage, “You can’t see the forest?”

“No.” He answers, completely shameless. “I cannot.”

I get up, walk over to the desk, and stand next to him, looking down at the swirls of greens and browns.

“It’s abstract.” I offer and he lets out another laugh.

“I’ll have to take your word for it.”

I smile and turn my head to look at him. I hadn’t realized how close I was standing. I can practically feel the heat from his body only a few inches away from me. And the way he’s looking at me, with an intense heat in his eyes, makes my entire body flush.

In this moment, where I am so at ease with him, and there is nothing standing between us, I want nothing more than for him to lower his mouth and let me taste him. That instinctual pull tells me that kissing him is the most natural thing in the world. I have to remind myself that it’s not.

Except, he’s not saying anything either. And before I can register what is happening, or think better of it, his lips are pressing against mine in hungry kiss.

Adrian POV

Lily tastes just how I remember her. Kissing her was like satisfying a craving I’ve had for months. For a moment, I can’t figure out why I haven’t been kissing her from the day she came here.

She leans into my touch, and I lose every bit of control. I don’t think about all the reasons I should be staying away from her and dismiss every objection that might try to voice its concerns to my rational side.

Instead, I give the wolf exactly what it wants. I claim my mate.

A soft moan leaves her lips, and I guide her around so I can lift her onto my desk. I don’t care that it’s cluttered with work. I have more important things to contend with.

Her legs wrap around my waist, and I leave her mouth to press kisses to the column of her neck. From this angle, I can see out the window to the full moon, large and red, beyond the trees. It explains my lack of control.

I consider pulling back, a large full moon usually has a strong pull to the wolf instinct that’s hard to reign in. The wolf snarls at the thought and I quickly dismiss it. I’ve waited for this for far too long and given up far too much hope to stop now.

Lily is intoxicating and the thought of ending this now, when her hands are clutching me to her and she’s making those contented little sounds, is enough to make me crazy.

I pull her shirt up and take her breast in my hand. I can feel her heart beating and scent how much she wants this.

Holding her to me, I lower my hand to glide under the band of her pants. Her breath quickens when I reach my destination. That gasp turns to a moan when I push a finger inside, then another.

I’m rewarded with another scorching kiss, her tongue tasting and prodding against mine. Her hands slip under my shirt to explore my body. There is nothing in the world that feels more natural, more right than this.

“My mate. Mine.” The wolf chants in my head.

Her hands reach for my belt, tugging on the buckles. This isn’t how I wanted her for the first time, sitting on my desk with her legs around my waist, but I’m worried that if I stop now and take her to the bedroom, we’ll both come to our senses and it will be over.

That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.

I slide her leggings down, relishing in it like an act of worship. I pull her tighter against me, letting her feel just how badly I want her.

Suddenly, a sharp, loud tone dings through the room. My phone.

No. The world could be ending right now, and it wouldn’t matter as much as this.

Lily breaks away, looking for the source of the ringing.

“Ignore it.” I growl, grasping her chin and bringing her mouth back to mine. The phone goes to voicemail.

And immediately starts ringing again.

I grab the cursed thing, fully intending to answer and tell the unfortunate soul on the other end exactly where they can take their call, when I look at the name on the caller ID.

Julian.

I look back at the gorgeous face in front her me. Her hair tousled and her lips swollen, more than ready for me to have my way with her right here on this desk.

We’ve been here before, and I had to make a choice. I have to make a choice now. I know what I want to choose. What the wolf wants. Except I haven’t heard from my son in a few days and I’m worried. So is she.

I take a deep sobering breath, press the button to answer, and bring the phone to my ear.

“Julian, what is it?” I ask, not able to mask the aggravation in my voice.

Lily’s eyes go wide with surprise and worry.

“Dad,” Julian says, “There’s been an accident.”