Chapter 43

Is it possible for guilt to literally eat you alive? By the way my stomach is twisted, I imagine it is.

“What happened?” Adrian asks into the phone.

I can’t hear Julian’s response, but I see Adrian close his eyes and take a deep breath, as though fighting for patience. I can practically hear him counting to ten in his head.

“Okay, just stay there. I’ll be there in half an hour.” He hangs up the phone and gives me a look that holds a thousand regrets. I imagine I’m wearing one to match. “I have to go to the hospital. Julian has been in an accident.”

My heart stops.

“What?” I demand.

“He’s going to be alright. He got drunk and flipped his car. He’s more worried about the police finding it than he is about the hospital.” He sighs again.

“I’m coming.” I say, pulling my clothes back into place and pushing him back so I can get off of the desk.

“You don’t to.” He says, agitation filling his face. “Lily, I know you’ve been worried, but I can fill you in later. You don’t have to be there.”

“He got into an accident while I’ve been in here with you.” I sigh, frustrated and feeling angry with myself. “I just want to make sure he’s alright.”

“I’ll meet you downstairs.” He finally says, and I run to my room to get my shoes and a jacket.

Half an hour later, we’re pulling into the hospital parking lot. We didn’t say a word to each other the entire way here.

As soon as I figure out which room he is in, I make my way there while Adrian speaks to the doctor.

Julian’s face lights up a little when he sees me, and my stomach tightens a little more.

“Lily! You’re here.” He says.

“Are you alright?” I ask, keeping to the doorway. He looks alright, though there’s a good-sized gash on his brow.

“I will be.” He answers. “Concussion and a few bruised ribs.”

All treatable conditions. He’ll be okay, I assure myself.

“Car is probably totaled though.” He adds with a grimace.

“What happened?” I demand, though I already know the answer. I want to hear it from him.

“I was upset.” He sighs heavily. As though it hurts to tell the story. “You said we were over and I just kind of lost it. I met up with some friends from the pack and we had some shots and a few drinks. My apartment wasn’t that far away, so I decided to drive home. I hit the ditch a little too hard and the car flipped over.”

Now it’s my turn to sigh, though with far more exasperation. “Julian.” I groan. “You’re lucky you didn’t get yourself or anyone else killed.”

“But I didn’t.” He deflects and holds out a hand to me. “I’m okay, and you’re here now.” He grins a little, “You were worried about me. I knew you still loved me.”

For the second time tonight, my heart stops. He’s misreading this entire situation.

“Julian, I’m glad you’re ok, and yes, I was concerned when I heard what happened, but that’s it. I just came to make sure you were okay.” He looks confused and I realize that I need to be very clear with him right now. “Our relationship is still over. We’re not getting back together.”

Julian’s face twists with anger, his temper rising, and I’m glad he’s hooked up to various IV’s or I would worry he might leap out of bed to grab me again.

“Then why are you here?” He demands. “These are mixed signals. You’re leading me on!”

“I am not!” I insist angrily. “Just because I’m concerned about you after you’re in an accident, doesn’t mean I want to be your girlfriend. I haven’t changed my mind. I’m glad you’re okay, but that’s it.”

“How did you even find out about this?” He asks accusingly.

“Adrian told me. I was giving him an update about Grace when you called.” I explain, trying to sound as patient as possible, though my heart thunders with the omission. Will he be able to tell that I’m not telling him everything?

“Just get out!” Julian yells. “My night has been bad enough. I don’t need you here making it worse.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” I say quietly, before I heed to his demands and leave the room.

Adrian POV

Lily looks a little sad when I pass by her in the hallway.

“I’ll be in the waiting room.” She says.

“How is he?” I ask.

“Well enough to throw me out when I told him we aren’t getting back together.” She sighs audibly and runs a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face.

I long to reach up and help her, but I won’t touch her like that here. Not while Julian is in the room a few feet away.

“I’ll meet you there as soon as I’ve talked to him.” I say and she nods in response before heading down the hallway.

I walk into the room and see my son in a hospital bed. There’s a cut on his head and black marks under his eyes, but overall, he looks alright.

“Did they find my car?” He asks immediately upon seeing me. Not an apology. Not an explanation. Just a demand.

“I have my Beta taking care of it. They’re towing it now.” I answer him, my voice conveying my unappreciation for his tone. “The police haven’t found it. So, as long as no one reported you, it should be alright.”

He breathes a sigh of relief. Looking at my son, at this moment, through the relief that he’s alright and the concern about the concussion his doctor told me about, I feel a profound disappointment.

Julian had been given every privilege and opportunity growing up. I had expected so much more from him. Now I’m here, bailing him out of trouble yet again. I consider for a moment, calling my Beta and telling him to leave the car. Let Julian figure things out for himself.

“There’s an idea.” The wolf says. “Make the pup grow up the hard way.”

He’s not a pup anymore. He’s a grown man, and he needs to face the consequences of his actions.

Except he’s still my son. And even though letting him clean up his own mess for once might be the best thing for him, I can’t bring myself to make him suffer when I have the means to help him.

Not when leaving him to figure it out on his own would only result in angering him toward me further. And I’m tired of my son’s anger.

“The doctor said you will need monitoring for a few days.” I say. “Do you have anyone you can stay with for a while?”

Julian looks pensive for a moment and meets my eyes. “Can I come home for a while? All my friends work or have lives. My girlfriend doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I don’t really have anywhere else to go.”

I think about Lily. Sitting patiently down the hall, waiting for me. I think about the heated kisses and how close we came to having sex right there on my study desk.

A wave of regret washes over me. Not for her. Never for her. But for what I knew I was about to say.

“Of course.” I answer.