Chapter 47

I’m pacing the length of Adrian’s study, occasionally sighing, and wringing my hands. Anxiety is making me crazy, and I keep jumping every time Adrian’s phone signals any kind of notification.

Adrian, in contrast, is infuriatingly calm. He sits at his desk, sorting through paperwork and answering emails as though we aren’t waiting for news that will either avoid catastrophe or not. He sends me a concerned glance every now and again, but I think that has more to do with my obvious panicking than the situation.

“Sit down, Lily. Pour yourself a drink if you need one.” He finally says.

“I can’t sit down, and alcohol will just make it worse.” I say agitated. “How can you be so calm?”

“I’ve learned long ago that worrying will not help matters. Once I put a plan in place, I’ve done all I can for now. I’ll get concerned in the event we get the call that Ida can’t find what I sent her for.” He answers absentmindedly as he peruses a form.

I sigh heavily, trying to slow my racing heart. Staying calm is a discipline I’ve never mastered.

Adrian’s phone rings out again and I jump, staring as he finishes signing his form before reaching to check it.

He leans back in his chair and rubs his chin. “Ida can’t find them. She’s searched everywhere.”

“Is she sure? Can she check again?” I ask hurriedly. My heart plumets and the little hope I had been harboring dies in my chest.

“She’s positive. She’s thorough. If she says they aren’t there, I believe her.” He says, looking disappointed. “Vanessa must have hid them outside of the house.”

My head races with this information. There is no stopping my panic attack now. I have no idea what to do.

“What are we going to do?” I ask forlornly. “Julian is going to find those photos sooner or later. Vanessa is a snake. She will look for a reason to give them to him.”

“I don’t know yet. Let me think on it.” Adrian says rubbing a hand over his face.

Except he and I both know the answer. It’s the ugly answer and one I hate. It’s messy and complicated and will likely result in exactly what we are fighting to avoid.

“I have to tell Julian the truth.” I utter the words quietly.

“No, you don’t. Not yet.” He says sternly, but I won’t be deterred. He knows this is the only option. It’s just not what we want.

“I have to, Adrian. This way, we take the blackmail out of Vanessa’s hands and Julian finds out on our terms. We have to tell him. I can’t live my entire life under the threat of angering Vanessa. She can control both of us with this.”

His eyes darken a little at that reminder. Vanessa can make demands of him too. It’s not just me that she’s threatening but the entire household.

“What would happen if the pack finds out?” I ask him. I hate that I’m only considering this now.

“They won’t like it. I’ll lose a little respect and the trust of some of the older members. That can be re-earned though. No one will directly challenge me. I don’t think Julian will either.” He says, and I hear what he doesn’t say.

That Julian won’t challenge him because he’ll just do what he has done before and disappear. This time, maybe forever. My heart breaks a little. Adrian wanted so badly to fix his relationship with Adrian. Now, because of me, that might be ruined forever.

“This is my fault.” I say, my voice cracking as tears flood my eyes and guilt surges with a vengeance.

“No.” Adrian says firmly. “If you hadn’t of shown up at that hotel room, this would have happened eventually. I wouldn’t have been able to stay away from you, Lily. Not forever.”

His words hit me like hammer. We’ve never voiced this attraction between us. At least, not to each other. His saying the words out loud makes it real somehow.

“I don’t think I could stay away from you either.” I say softly and I don’t miss the tender expression in his eyes at my admission.

“We have to tell him ourselves.” I say, bringing our focus back to the task at hand. “It has to be on our terms. He can’t find out because that awful woman gave him photos. It has to come from us.”

A look of sadness passes over his eyes, and I see that he realizes the truth too. “My relationship with Julian is already damaged beyond repair. He blames me for his mother’s death, and he will never let that go. I regret that this will just be the final blow that shatters it completely, but we were never going to have a good relationship. It’s your choice.”

He hands the decision to me, and I realize that he’s giving me the control Julian never had. Julian had tried to make the decisions for me, and I had resented him for that. Adrian might be protective, but he’s never tried to force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with.

“I’ll go tell him.” I say, and Adrian gets up with me. “I think it should be alone.”

“After his latest temper tantrums, I’m not leaving you alone with him. Not for something like this. You can tell him, but I’m going to be right outside the door.” Adrian says firmly.

I nod, grateful that he will be there. In truth, I am afraid of what Julian will do. The last few times we argued, he grabbed me. I don’t know what he will do now.

My stomach tightens and I turn my thoughts over and over in my mind, considering what I’m going to say. This will easily be the hardest conversation I’ve ever had to have. Julian will definitely hate me after this, and I have no doubts he will have some angry and insulting words to say.

I should have broken things off with him sooner. I shouldn’t have been so quick to rush to assumptions at the hotel. Regret after regret assaults me as I make my way down the hall. The solid and protective presence behind me is my only comfort. Except he can’t save me from what I have to do.

There’s no use in going over the past and regretting my past choices. The only thing I can do now is move forward. No matter how hard it will be.

A piece of me half hopes that Adrian’s phone will ring and Vanessa’s housekeeper will report that she was able to find the photos after all, but that kind of luck only happens in movies.

I make it to Adrian’s door sooner than I had hoped. I still don’t know what I will say to him, so I decide to just say it as gently as I can.

I knock softly and hear a little squeak and then a moan on the other side. It’s a woman. He isn’t alone in there. I press my ear to the door and hear the unmistakable sounds of panting and moaning on the other side.

Disbelief overwhelms me and without a second thought, I push the door open to find Julian, naked with a beautiful, equally naked blonde woman beneath him.

Vanessa.