Chapter 227

Violet’s POV

Enjoy life together.

Olivia’s words in Darkmoon had struck me in the moment. They had stayed with me for two days afterward, deepening the despair I’d been facing since my last hallucination.

Since I had brought harm to Riley. Since I had almost killed my own mate.

Enjoy life together.

How could I enjoy life with my mate while preparing for war? It was not a question of whether our opponents would come for us, it was not a question of if they would do so violently. The only question was when they would strike.

How could I enjoy life when my life, my baby’s life, and apparently even my mate’s life were constantly at risk from the impacts of my unstable magic? Despite the research committee Sophia had assembled, we were still no closer to finding a solution. The only thing we were closer to was at best, my demise, at worst, the deaths of those I held closest along with me.

How could I enjoy my life when I had a whole country to run, to repair, to reunify?

Enjoy life together.

The words were a taunt, an unattainable dream, a slap in the face.

But if I couldn’t enjoy life myself, I was glad my people could. They had seemed to enjoy it, that first Town Square Community Event. Even Olivia ended up smiling and laughing in a carefree way I’d never seen from her before.

Enjoy life together.

I cracked my neck in the backseat of the royal limousine. “This is why you didn’t want the crown,” I muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

Theo eyed Colby and Sinclair sitting across from us before turning his attention to me. “What?”

I took a deep breath that did nothing to soothe me, slowly turning to meet my mate’s concerned gaze. “I’ll never get to enjoy the simple things in life again, will I? At least not without getting interrupted by something more important than my joy.”

I broke our eye contact to stare out the window behind Theo. “Because that’s what the crown is. Prioritizing everyone before yourself – forever.”

I didn’t look away from the passing lands as Theo picked up my hand and kissed my fingers. “We’ll figure it out together,” he murmured.

I didn’t say out loud the thought that floated through my mind: that depending on how quickly my unstable magic killed me, together might not last as long as we had hoped it would.

I retracted my hand from Theo’s, pulling out my phone to scroll through the news. I snorted in resignation at the headlines.

“Glowing Forehead Crowns: Blessing or Illusion?”

“Bye Bye Bands: Has the Goddess Abandoned Our New Royals?”

“It Really Is Who You Know”

The first two headlines, we had expected. Unsure where that last one was going, I clicked into the article. I skimmed through it, dismayed but not surprised at the parallels and accusations being slung within.

“Olivia Bronson,” I read out loud, “appeared to betray then Alpha Donovan by befriending Eva, the Luna who replaced Donovan in Alpha Nightshade’s bed,” I rolled my eyes, knowing full well Eva never made it into his bed, “only to be rewarded by being handed the Darkmoon Territory when Alpha Donovan became High Queen. Similarly, Riley Meckles admitted publicly to spying on Alpha Nightshade on King Owen’s behalf, but sources say he now lives in the royal palace and has just been appointed Royal Steward, a new position that seems to have been created just for him.”

I snorted, wondering how the hell the press found out about that. “Moral of the story? Defying our new High Queen and King may eventually be to your advantage.”

Theo shook his head. “How convenient of them not to mention that the two people who came after us the most are dead or imprisoned.”

Theo side-eyed me as I locked my phone screen. “Are you still happy that we made Riley a Royal Steward?” he asked carefully, clearly trying to figure out what exactly had me in such a mood.

As if our entire lives right now weren’t enough for anyone to be in a mood.

“Of course,” I answered. “He physically protects us, he helps with speeches, Sophia just passed off the research committee to him… he does everything for us. It’s about time we pay him for it.”

Theo nodded. “Agreed.”

An awkward silence fell upon us.

“Are you nervous about our trip to Henosis?” he asked, still trying to figure out what was going on.

This trip to Henosis was accomplishing several things at once. First, it gave us an excuse to push Kincaid and Dahlia to stay on their honeymoon longer than one week.

“Don’t come home yet,” Theo had said when we had them on speaker phone yesterday. “We won’t even be here.”

Also during that conversation, we’d had a serious discussion about how much to reveal to Colby and Sinclair. Kincaid and Dahlia had both vouched for their seconds, expressing not only complete confidence in them, but also relief that I would have more support with my hallucinations.

Because of that, we had talked to Colby and Sinclair this morning, explaining what had happened the night they’d heard me screaming and found us bloody. Removing that last secretive barrier between us had made the dynamic much more comfortable, especially knowing that we wouldn’t have to hide a major point of discussion from them while we were all in Henosis together.

Riley and Sophia had been left at the palace, the Royal Steward and Royal Assistant, to hold down the fort.

Mostly though, this trip to Henosis was to reconnect with allies: to make the political allegiance public and to verify the private military allegiance as well.

I watched through the windshield as we approached the line in front of us, where the barren earth receded into a lush jungle. The green landscape grew up ahead, and a kernel of hope sparked in my chest for the first time since I’d awoken from my last hallucination.

Enjoy life together.

How could I enjoy life when I wasn’t safe, even in sleep? Maybe we would find answers in Henosis. Maybe my family would remind me how to feel happy.

“No,” I finally answered my husband. “I’m not nervous about going to Henosis. Actually, it’s one of the few things I’m looking forward to.”

Colby and Sinclair grasped their seats, startled as we crossed over the border.

“It’s okay,” I assured them. “That’s the feeling of crossing over into a magical land that we tried to describe to you.”

Colby blinked, nodding as he settled back into this seat. Sinclair did the same, though his eyes held a wildness he seemed to have trouble taming.

Theo held my hand again, drawing my gaze. His concern for me was unavoidable.

“I’m fine,” I told him, even though it was a lie, and he knew it was a lie. I only hoped that he understood enough to let me work through this on my own for a little while.

War was coming.

Those were the words my mother had said to me. I couldn’t know how much of that hallucination was real, how much of it was a true warning. But whether or not it was some sort of omen, we already knew what was on the horizon.

How could I enjoy life when war was nearly here?