Chapter 3 Good for a fuck. Nothing more.

AIDEN

Six months later

(Velora, Stormhold)

Half a year after our restaurant fuck caused a scandal, I came to the monumentally stupid conclusion that I was in love.

This time with someone who might actually love me back, flaws and all.

Keira Dormer was the one.

Not the right one for Caspira. Definitely not the right one for my family.

But the right one for me.

Too bad I was the only one who felt that way.

What did the assassin say to the man with a ring burning a hole in his pocket?

"This was a mistake. Leaving Imperium. Tonight. The last six months. Us. Everything. This isn't my life. It never will be," she said, looking down at her hands folded in her lap.

We were at the same candlelit restaurant where this had all started, back in Velora. The room was dead quiet. Flowers everywhere. An orchestra coming soon. I'd meant to propose tonight.

Then her fucked up family drama crashed our party.

I tried to understand. Tried not to let her words touch my heart. She wasn't thinking clearly. Her mother had just died.

Fuck her for trying to push me away, yet again.

She'd ripped my fucking heart out, but I wasn't ready to give her up.

"Kei—" I tried feebly.

I had no idea what to say.

How did I make her stay this time?

She finally had the perfect excuse to leave. To end us.

"This will be the last time you see me. I will disappear from your life. Permanently," she said, pulling further and further away from me.

Still not looking at me. No tears. No tremor or stuttering.

I knew better than anyone what that meant.

Always the soldier first.

Right, Kei?

We were always on borrowed time.

"Don't run from me, Kei. We will never be able to exist separately ever again. Not when—" I begged shamelessly, ready to offer her anything she needed to fix her fractured world.

But it wasn't going to work this time, was it?

She made sure of it. Dealt the death blow herself.

"Don't you see? You'll forever be just some guy I was sleeping with while my mom was dying. I should have been there to stop her killer. Instead, I was out here messing around with you. It's not love, Aiden. I've been in love before, and this isn't it," she said, still eerily calm, hitting where it hurt like the fucking pro she was.

How could she love me? Why should she?

I wasn't her dead ex, the mythical perfect Ethan. I wasn't everyone's white knight, like she was. I was just me.

Bastard prince. Good for a fuck. Nothing more.

The fight just left me.

Not saying more was the single greatest regret of my life, but the words just wouldn't come.

I told myself I would have time. I just needed to get it together. Try again later.

I thought her coming home with me meant she was staying with me after all.

But in the dead of night, she slipped out of our bed when I was asleep.

When I woke to cold, empty sheets hours later, I tore the city apart looking for a woman whose job was to disappear.

Desperate. Pathetic. Couldn't help it.

She was my hope and peace.

Without her, I had none.

Never would again.

2021, February 14th

(Maine, Caspira)

AIDEN

It was Valentine's day again. A whole year had passed since the night I started seeing the wrong woman.

Post break up (if you could even call it that), I forced myself to return to my home country, Caspira.

Three failed relationships later, I sat across from Elena, having a not a date (totally a date) dinner in her mansion, while echoes of Keira still lingered in my brain.

"More wine?" Elena asked, throwing me a dazzling smile. "I know you don't get drunk like the rest of us, but it may at least slow that super brain of yours. You know, stop it from exploding."

A sheepish grin graced my face as I dragged myself back into the present.

"I'm that obvious, huh? It's just been—"

She reached over and laid her hand over mine reassuringly.

"A really long time coming," she said impulsively, making me gulp.

I couldn't help but scowl. Now a different set of bitter memories was filling my brain. All my time spent with Elena, my childhood sweetheart, ended the same way.

John. John. John. Always my brother, John. He was who she wanted. Never me.

Now I was just supposed to believe she had had it wrong, all that time, because he was married with a baby?

My head was spinning. I was spiraling. The noose around my neck was tightening.

"Sorry," she said, withdrawing her hand from mine timidly, eyes cast down to her plate.

"Don't be. You never used to shy away from touching me. Don't start now, not when we're finally about to give it a go," I forced myself to say, taking her hand in mine.

"We are?" she asked softly, hopefully.

That vulnerability, the way her eyes sparkled when she looked at me. I went right back to being sixteen.

I got up, dragged her to her feet and pulled her into my arms just like I used to.

She looked up at me through stormy greys and wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"I don't know what else to say to make you believe me," she sobbed. "I really do love you. I always did. Seeing you with all those other women, it was just… so difficult to tell you the truth."

I stroked her hair comfortingly, then pulled back gently to take her in. My gaze dropped to her lips. All I wanted to do was kiss her.

Right. Because that was what normal people did when one woman was throwing herself at you and the other became a ghost in your head, haunting you day and night.

You kissed the one in front of you.

The dream.

The non assassin.

The appropriate noble.

Everything I had always wanted (Elena, freedom, joy) was finally within reach.

And yet I was still wrestling with the ghost of someone who, by her own admission, never loved me.

"I want this to work, Aid. Don't go digging in dangerous places if you don't—" she started ranting.

You always could see right through me, El.

"Tell yourself that," I said, cutting her off, determined to get out of my own way.

I slid my fingers through her strawberry blonde strands and laid my lips on hers.

One more fuck up, for old time's sake.

So what if I wasn't quite ready yet? Her kisses could fix it.

Help me bury the pain one more time, El.

My lips melted into hers passionately, while I desperately tried to convince myself I had earned this.

That I could settle down and be happy, like everyone else.

Alas, it was not to be.

Cool metal pressed up against my skull. I pulled away from Elena slowly and raised my hands up above my head.

Gingerly turning around, I faced my assailant. My eyes widened when I saw who was holding me at gun point.

What was this feeling? Happiness? Anger? Pain? All of the above? Whatever it was, it wasn't fear. How could six long months suddenly seem like nothing?

So much for forgetting her in the arms of another

woman.

"Hello, Prince of Assassins," the assassin/soldier's voice sounded in the room.

Why fucking now?

"Keira?" I rasped out, my throat tightening as I said her name.