Chapter 108

Olivia

“Fine,” Nathan said, his voice low and full of anger. “Do you want the truth?”

A silence hung between us. Nathan stared out the window as though Alvin would appear at any moment; or it was more likely that he just didn’t want to look at me. I could only stare at the back of his head in disbelief.

“The truth?” I finally croaked, stifling a wry laugh. “What is there possibly that I couldn’t already know? You abandoned our friend because you’re scared of him. Because you think that the military ruined him somehow…”

Nathan whipped around, his face darkening like a gathering storm. His eyes bore into me, hard and unyielding, and caused my voice to falter.

“I don't just abandon my friends, Olivia,” he asked. His voice was low. In the depths of his throat, a growl echoed. “It honestly hurts that you think that.”

“But you've let Alvin be alone all this time, haven't you?” I shot back, the words bitter on my tongue. “You've seen him in pain, you've seen him struggle, and you’ve done nothing.”

Nathan's growl deepened, an animalistic sound that sent a shiver down my spine.

“You don't know the half of it,” he spat. “Alvin is dangerous. What don’t you understand about that, Olivia?”

I felt my heart beginning to pound even harder, and I stormed toward Nathan, my hands balled up into fists at my sides. “What don’t I understand?” I asked. “What don’t you understand? He’s still our friend. He’s still—”

Nathan’s hand suddenly went to his side, pulling up his shirt to reveal a jagged, ugly scar marring the skin on his waist. It ran in a curvature around his hip bone, punctuated by two distinct round holes on either side.

“You think I haven't tried to help him?” he whispered. “Look at this.”

I stared at the scar, my heart pounding in my chest.

I remembered seeing it when we hooked up, a fleeting glimpse when he was showering with me. But he'd never mentioned it, never made a big deal about it.

I had thought it was just another hunting mishap.

“Alvin did this to me,” Nathan said, his voice raw. “We got into a fight when he first came home from the military. I tried to help him, tried to reach him, but he bit me when I got too close. He’s gone, Olivia. He’s not our sweet little friend anymore.”

I felt my eyes widen as the truth of his words sank in. The scar, Alvin's aggression, Nathan's reticence... It all made sense.

“I-I’m sorry,” I stammered, shaking my head. “I thought—

“Yeah,” Nathan sneered at me, his eyes glinting in the dim light as he tugged his shirt back down to cover the scar. “You thought. But you never asked. And you accuse me of letting my friends suffer alone,” he said. “Who's the guilty one now?”

I felt my blood boil.

“It's not the same, Nathan!” I shouted, my shrill voice rising into the quiet air of the night. “You're not suffering like Alvin is. Look at you! You're okay, you're...you're intact! Alvin is...he's lost his hand! His mind's slipping away!”

For a moment, Nathan was silent. His gaze held mine, his anger palpable.

“That's always been your problem, hasn't it?” he said finally, his voice dangerously quiet, shaking beneath it all. “You've always cared more about Alvin than about me.”

“That's not true!” I protested, but Nathan was not finished.

“Go on,” he snapped, the venom in his voice making me flinch. “Go deal with Alvin yourself. See how you fare. Maybe you can use your womanly charm to bring him back to reality, and then the two of you can ride off into the sunset together and leave me here alone.”

“What?” I exclaimed. “I care about both of you equally. I’ve never favored one over the other!"

But Nathan only scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Don't lie to yourself, Olivia,” he said, his tone acidic. “To you, I've always been irrelevant. Just the annoying friend you bicker with. Ever since you came back, all you've done is pine for Alvin. Even when we were having sex last night, I’ll bet you only saw him when you closed your eyes.”

His words hit me like a slap in the face. My chest tightened, my eyes burning with unshed tears. “Nathan, that’s not true.”

It wasn’t true. I only saw Nathan when we made love together. Even now, every time I blinked, I only ever saw his blue-green eyes gazing down at me from between my bedsheets. I only wanted him since I returned.

“Nathan, it’s not like that and you know it’s not,” I said, taking a step back. “I’ve never wanted Alvin like that… Of course I didn’t think of him when you and I were together.

Nathan let out a wry laugh and shook his head. “But it was still a mistake, though, right?” he murmured.

My eyes widened. “Nathan, I thought we agreed—”

“We did, Olivia.” He cut me off, his voice threaded with bitter disdain. “I’m sorry. This conversation isn’t about last night… Just leave me be. I want to be alone.”

I stared at him, my throat aching with the effort of holding back my sobs.

“Nathan… I… I…” Only those three words managed to choke themselves out. No more words would come, no matter how many times I opened and closed my mouth and tried to force them out.

But Nathan only shook his head. His face was a mask of cold anger, and without a word, he turned away, his arms folded tightly across his chest.

And so, without another word said between us, I turned and fled to the sanctuary of my room.

The echo of Nathan’s harsh words continued to ring in my ears as I leaped up the stairs and ran down the hallway. The door slammed shut behind me, mirroring the pain that was pounding relentlessly like a war drum in my heart.

Alone, I let my tears fall freely, each one a small testament to the harsh words that Nathan had uttered. I sobbed into my pillow for what felt like hours, only stopping when my face ached and my eyes had dried up of their own accord.

Alvin needed our help, and I was determined to give it to him, regardless of Nathan’s feelings. But Nathan’s words continued to echo in my head, the sting of his accusations mixing with the sharp pain of regret.

Maybe I had inadvertently put one friend before the other. Maybe, in doing so, I had failed them both.

But as I sat alone in the darkness of my room, I made a promise to myself: I had to find a way to help Alvin, to save him from the torment he was enduring. And, at the same time, I had to prove to Nathan that he was not irrelevant, that I cared about him just as much as I did for Alvin.

But first, I had to stop my own tears. I had to pull myself together, because right now, both Nathan and Alvin, both of my dearest friends, needed me to be strong. I wiped away the sticky tears on my cheeks, the weight of the task before me settling on my shoulders.

I couldn’t just let Alvin wither away in his dark, lonely little house; nor could I leave Nathan behind once I got through to Alvin.