Chapter 116

Olivia

“Olivia? Are you telling the truth? You kissed Alvin?”

The pain on my childhood friend’s face was evident. I didn’t want to tell him about this memory because I knew how deeply it would cut into his heart, but I was left with no choice. Nathan practically had me cornered in search of an answer that I think he already knew.

I nodded slowly. “Yes,” I admitted. “Beneath that oak tree. We were only eight, though. It meant nothing.”

Nathan’s icy voice sliced through the air, laced with a bitterness I’d never sensed from him before. “I knew it,” he said, his voice so low it was almost a growl. “I always felt you had lingering feelings for Alvin, and I was right.”

“Lingering feelings?” I felt a flash of anger. “That’s not fair, Nathan. We weren’t even ten years old yet! It was just a peck on the lips, something innocent that was only born out of curiosity. You’re making it out to be something that it just… isn’t.”

His eyes, usually soft when they looked at me, were hard and cold. “So now, you’ll tell me it meant nothing?”

“I am saying exactly that. We were kids! Haven't you ever been curious about something and acted on it, even if it was silly or meaningless?”

His voice was low and dangerous.

“Maybe. But not with Alvin. Not with someone who's clearly always wanted more than friendship from you. Why else would he have buried his hand beneath that tree if it wasn’t meaningful to him? And clearly it was important to you, too, because you remembered it right away.”

“Nathan!” I exclaimed, trying to keep my voice steady. “That’s just not fair, and you know it! There could have been a million other reasons behind why he chose to bury his hand there.”

Nathan, however, wasn’t hearing it.

He crossed over to the doorway, then froze there, clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly. “I’ve seen the look on your face all night, Olivia. Don’t play me for a fool. You haven’t stopped blushing since you thought of this so-called ‘meaningless’ memory.”

“You have to stop this,” I growled. “It’s not—”

Suddenly, Nathan whipped around to face me. My voice faltered. His sneer was deep.

“Why don’t you just go to Alvin?” he growled. “Return his hand, and then you two can be together. I'll just stay here. Alone. Just like how he's sitting all alone in his pigsty of a house.”

His words stung like a physical blow. Hurt and disbelief threatened to choke me. “You are being ridiculous! You once told me about your first time, about the girl, about every intimate detail. Did I flinch? Did I get jealous?”

There was a pause. Nathan’s face looked conflicted, but his voice was still edged with anger.

“That was before things changed, Olivia. I wasn't pining for her when I told you, nor was I risking my life to keep her safe.”

I felt a surge of sadness. “So, what are you saying, Nathan? Are you telling me that you regret everything we've been through together? That you’re going to let our friend suffer now because of a kiss from when we were little kids?”

“No!” He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. “I just... I didn't expect to hear about you and Alvin. Not like this.”

“We were eight,” I repeated, very slowly this time as I tried to control my temper. “Eight, Nathan. Children. I slept with you the other night. Not Alvin. Do you think that I was thinking of him the whole time?”

Nathan shook his head, leaning back against the doorway. He almost seemed to shrink. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter,” he replied quietly. “The fact of the matter is this: you’ve done nothing but yearn for him since you came home.”

I tried to interject, but Nathan held up his hand and stopped me.

“And now, after what you’ve told me about your past with him… And I know that there was something in that journal, too, Olivia. I chose not to pry about that, at least, because it’s his private journal. But I can tell that you’re hiding something from me in regards to that as well.”

When Nathan was finished, the room fell utterly silent.

Nathan was right; there was a journal entry about me. Probably even more. But, yes, it was private, and I wasn’t going to share it. I never should have read it to begin with, but at the very least in doing so we were able to find his hand.

“Nathan, you're blowing this out of proportion,” I said. “I've been open with you, even when it hurts. You know everything about my past. Everything about us. Why can’t you trust, just once, that what I say is true? Not everyone is out to get you all of the time.”

He looked down, the weight of the situation pressing on him. “Because... because my feelings for you have deepened. They’re not the same anymore, Olivia. Every little thing hurts more now. Every secret feels heavier. It’s only been made heavier by the way that you shoved me away like that after we…”

Nathan’s voice faltered. He didn’t need to say anything more; we both knew what he was talking about.

“I’ll admit I pushed you away,” I whispered. “But not for the reasons that you think. I did it because—”

Suddenly, Nathan held his hand up again and shook his head. “Don’t say anything else,” he said. “I don’t want to hear it. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.”

There was a long silence, punctuated only by the sound of the wind howling around the eaves of the house. That silence was finally broken by Nathan’s quiet, exasperated voice.

He looked up, pain evident in his eyes. “It's hard, okay? Imagining you with him, after everything, after our history... It just doesn’t sit right with me.”

My heart raced. “Then talk to me. Don't push me away with unfounded accusations. Don’t let your jealousy build walls between us.”

Nathan said nothing. His eyes said it all. As he looked at me, there was something in his gaze… Something possessive. It made a chill run down my spine. “You let him be alone all this time just to keep me all to yourself, didn’t you?” I murmured. “To keep me away from him? Because you knew that he felt a certain way about me.”

Nathan's voice trembled, betraying his emotions. “It's not that simple, Olivia. You have to understand.”

“No,” I said, voice firm. “What I understand is that you’re letting jealousy cloud your judgment. And I can’t stay here if you don't trust me. You’re cold, Nathan. Colder than I imagined you could ever be.”

With that, I grabbed the box, my hand shaking slightly from the weight of our conversation. Tears clouded my vision, and I quickly whipped around before Nathan could get the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

“I’m going to the witch’s house tonight,” I growled.

“Olivia, don’t be ridiculous,” Nathan said, following me out of the kitchen and into the hallway. “You can’t go tonight. It’s late, and my dad might be out there still.”

I shook my head and shrugged my coat back on. “Why should you care?” I hissed. “If your dad catches me, then you’ll get what you want anyway. Alvin will never have his hand restored, and then you can have me all to yourself, assuming that I’m not euthanized along with him.”

“Olivia—”

Suddenly, I whipped back around and grimaced at Nathan, no longer caring that he could see the tears that were now streaming down my cheeks.

“Go ahead and sit here all alone,” I growled. “Just know that, unlike Alvin, it was your own actions that drove everyone who you cared about away.”

Without another glance, I stormed out of the house, leaving behind a stunned and weary Nathan.

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To be continued