Chapter 77

Olivia

Nathan's suggestion of a fake wedding had pierced through my heart, igniting a storm of emotions. I had to get out; I had to be alone for a while so I could think.

“Olivia?” he asked curiously as I abruptly stood. I was frozen there for a moment, unable to move with my fists clenched at my sides as my brain scrambled to come up with the right words to say, but no words would come.

Silently, I brushed past Nathan in a hurry and ran up the stairs.

I retreated to the sanctuary of my room, seeking solace from the tumultuous thoughts that swirled within me. As I closed the door behind me, I leaned against it, feeling the weight of my doubts pressing upon me.

Did Nathan only go in public with me for appearances? Were the feelings I had developed merely a facade, designed to create an image, carefully cultivated by him in order to keep me appeased?

The questions tormented me, shredding the fragile threads of hope that I had carefully woven in my heart.

All along, I had thought that our feelings for each other were beginning to burgeon; but now, I just felt used, like a marionette dancing along to a twisted tune, held afloat by invisible strings.

I tried to remind myself that this arrangement was part of our original deal, that it had always been a charade to maintain his status and that my friend wouldn’t do anything to deceive me.

But no matter how hard I rationalized, the ache in my chest persisted. It hurt to think that my feelings might be one-sided, that I was merely a pawn in a game of appearances.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice the passage of time. It was only when a knock echoed through the silence that I realized Nathan had come to check on me.

Reluctantly, I opened the door, bracing myself for a conversation that I wasn't sure I wanted to have.

Nathan's face registered a mix of concern and guilt as his eyes met mine. “Olivia, can we talk?”

I crossed my arms defensively, my voice laced with bitterness. “What is there left to say, Nathan?” I muttered angrily. “A fake wedding? That's too far, even for us.”

His face paled, and he stammered, clearly caught off guard by my reaction. “I... I thought it might help, that it would show everyone how committed we are. But if you feel it's too much, then…”

“Maybe... maybe you should find another girl to fake a relationship with for your status,” I spat out, the words laced with venom. “Someone who won't hesitate to play the role and won't question your every move.”

Nathan's features contorted with anguish, his voice desperate. “Olivia, no. There isn't another girl I want to do this with. You're the only one who I would ever be willing to do this with.”

“Why, though?” I urged, feeling my eyes beginning to well up with tears. “Why am I the only one who you’re okay with manipulating like this?”

“Olivia…” Nathan took a step forward, his eyes wide. “I’m not manipulating you. I chose you because you’re my friend, and because I trust you… And I was caught in a weak moment, when there was no one else who I knew would be there for me.”

Nathan’s words struck a chord with me. I unfolded my arms, my anger giving way to frustration and hurt.

“Then why suggest a fake wedding?” I asked. “Surely you remember how much I pined for a fairy tale wedding when we were kids. I want my wedding to come from a place of true love, not as part of some elaborate charade.”

His eyes softened, and he took another step closer, his voice laced with sincerity. “I understand, Olivia. I do. I'll think about things. We don't have to go that route. We can focus on more public events, show everyone our connection that way.”

I nodded, my heart easing slightly at his understanding. “That's a start, Nathan. But I need you to know that I won't compromise my values. I won't settle for a fake wedding, no matter what.”

He sighed, his gaze fixed on the floor. “I hear you, Olivia. I won't push it. We'll find another way.”

With those words, Nathan turned and left, leaving me alone in my room once again. The weight of the situation still lingered, but a glimmer of hope began to shine through the darkness.

Sighing, I sank back down onto my bed and stared listlessly up at the ceiling.

Maybe I had betrayed myself once again by getting into this too deep. Kissing him in the kitchen, watching him during a private moment in his room, suggesting that he put his arm around me, and asking him to stay with me…

All of it was too much. At least half of this was my fault, and now I was left to pick up the pieces.

Maybe it was time to put an end to the confusion. I could live with putting on a good show in public, but it wasn’t healthy for either of us to continue the charade in private.

As I laid there, letting sleep slowly sink its teeth into me, I came to a conclusion: tomorrow, I would officially put an end to all of this nonsense with Nathan. There would be no more stolen kisses, no more romantic embraces.

From now on, we were going to be roommates and nothing more. My heart simply couldn’t take this turmoil any longer.

…

That night, as the moon cast its gentle glow upon the world, I found myself suddenly jolted awake by a sudden, sharp pain that wracked my gut. Abdominal cramps twisted my insides, and worry instantly consumed me.

Groaning, I stood and stumbled to the bathroom while clutching my abdomen. In my half-awake state of mind, I rationalized the pain as indigestion, and decided that I would try to go to the bathroom to ease the discomfort.

However, as I pulled my underwear down, I felt my stomach drop at what I saw.

This was no mere indigestion; my underwear were soaked red with thick blood.

I nearly screamed, but managed to clamp my clammy hand over my mouth just in time.

“No, no, no,” I whispered, picking up the bloody underwear in my hand and flicking the light on, as though I would suddenly find that it was just my eyes playing tricks on me in the dark.

But it wasn’t. I was bleeding.

I cursed under my breath, temporarily forgetting the gut-wrenching pain in my stomach as I rushed around the room to grab a clean pair of underwear and pants. I hastily threw them on, then raced down the hallway.

Instinctively, I paused in front of Nathan’s door, my hand poised to knock.

But suddenly, my decision that I made earlier crossed my mind, and with it came the solemn resolve that letting him take me to the hospital, letting him hold my hand and comfort me, would only make our situation worse.

Maybe I was not thinking clearly in the late hours of the night, but at that moment, it made sense to me. I made a decision right then and there that I would go to the hospital alone.

And so, taking care so as not to wake Nathan, I gripped my abdomen with determination and crept down the stairs to drive myself to the hospital.