Chapter 149

I gasped and pushed Theo away from my body. “What happened?” I asked.

My whole body was shaking, adrenaline rushing through me, but nothing seemed wrong anymore. Above us, the shouts of construction workers reached my ears.

I looked up and saw loose straps on a crane dangling several stories up, and one of the windows in the tall building was out. They must have been trying to replace the pane when it dropped.

I waved up to them and then turned my attention back to Theo. “Are you okay?” I asked.

He sucked in a little bit of a breath. “I think so.”

Something about his voice said he wasn’t. I turned him around and found his shirt was shredded, and small cuts covered his back, blood oozing from them.

“Oh, Theo,” I groaned. “That looks miserable. I’m so sorry.”

Hot guilt bubbled in my stomach. I’d known that my bodyguard was there to protect me, but I never thought that he would get hurt for me. And if Theo hadn’t pushed me out of the way, I might not even be here.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” I said. “But your back is all cut up. We need to get you to the hospital—”

I didn’t get to finish the word because Theo grabbed me, kissing me deeply. Shock zipped through my system. I staggered back, staring at him with wide eyes.

“What? What was that for?” I stammered, touching my lips.

My mind drew a blank as to what had just happened and what it really meant.

He shrugged, a helpless look settling on his face. “I don’t know. I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s just somewhere during the time I’ve been taking care of you... I think I’m falling for you.”

I shook my head and stumbled in a couple of paces up the sidewalk. My brain frantically tried to grasp what to say next.

“That’s… that’s… Theo, I don’t know what to do with that information.”

He swiftly crossed the distance between us and gripped my hand, holding it to his chest. “Look, I know that you are still fresh off your breakup with Charles, and that was a serious relationship. I’m not asking to be your rebound, and I don’t even really know what I’m asking of you. It’s just you’re such a wonderful person, Elena. You always try to help people. And your outlook is always so bright even when things around you aren’t. How was I supposed to not fall for you?”

“But I’m older than you,” I said, grasping anything to try and make sense of his confession.

“Only by a couple of years,” he said. “What does that really matter? Unless you don’t think me man enough.”

“No. It’s not that. I-I…” I searched my feelings, falling silent and beckoning for him to follow me.

He fell into step just off the back of my shoulder where he usually walked when he was my bodyguard. Somehow, I’d gotten used to him walking fully beside me most of the time, and it seemed like an odd distance now.

When had I grown so accustomed to having him around? But no matter how much I thought about it on the walk between where the accident happened and the nearest clinic, I couldn’t get rid of the uncomfortable sense that my heart still belonged to Charles.

I focused on Theo long enough to get him checked in, and then we sat in the waiting room so that he could be called back and inspected. I was worried there was still glass in the cuts and that some of them might need stitches.

“Theo,” I murmured. “I know the moment is not ideal, but we need to talk about what happened on the sidewalk back there.”

“If I’ve offended you, I’m very sorry,” he said.

“You didn’t offend me. It’s just that I’ve been thinking all the way back here, and my heart still belongs to Charles. It doesn’t seem right to lead you on in any way. But I need you to accept the fact that I am not ready to move on.”

He nodded. “Will you consider me when and if you feel like you’re ready to move on?”

I reached over and patted this hand. “Theo, you’re a sweet guy, and if my thoughts on Charles should ever change, I will definitely give being with you some thought. I don’t know how long healing will take, and I really don’t want you to hold on to hope for an undisclosed amount of time. I don’t even know if you’ll still be working for me by the time I’m ready to move on. Or who knows if you’ll even still be interested in me? I don’t want to sound pessimistic, just realistic.”

“I haven’t ruined the friendship between us, have I?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Not as long as you respect my wishes and don’t act on your feelings any further.”

He nodded. “You have my word.”

We left the clinic with ten stitches in Theo’s back and guilt in my stomach over both his kiss and the fact that he’d gotten hurt to protect me. Along with the guilt rose a new resolution.

I was floundering on my own, and I learned something this afternoon with what happened between Theo and me. He and I could still be friends despite the fact that he had crushed that barrier and tried something more.

Charles and I had a far deeper connection. And we’d been far more intimate with one another. But I fully believed that we could move past that.

The reality was I needed his help. Things were amassing on the dark web that I couldn’t handle on my own, and I couldn’t trust Theo with that secret. I needed to find a way to patch things up between Charles and me the way Theo and I had so that he and I could be friends and go back to working on these problems together.

He had been my boss once, and now he could be my co-conspirator, for lack of better words. That was if he’d have me.

I took care of the cooking that night and got Theo tucked into his bed on his stomach with pillows so that he could shift around and change his position as much as possible without putting any weight on his back. I left him with his laptop and his phone so he could entertain himself and then headed back out to the living room.

I typed a text to Charles about seven times before I finally gave up. I couldn’t find the words. None of them looked right. Not to mention, before I went blabbering off about how we ought to be friends. Now that he’d moved on, I needed to see the look on his face so I could judge whether or not he’d forgiven me and was ready for that.

I definitely didn’t want to suggest being friends if it was just going to make him mad or make me look stupid.

So, the following day, when I finished work, I headed back to our old apartment. The smell of the old building hit me.

I recognized the scent of the paint, the carpet, and even some of the neighbors’ cooking smells from when I was living here with Charles.

Longing pained through my chest, but I pushed it aside. I would persevere and come out the other side with a friend—I hoped.

I would be strong. I wouldn’t jump all over him in desperation or anything like that.

Theo said nothing about our little detour to the apartment. I’d simply told him that in order to move on, I needed to reconcile with Charles. He seemed to understand that and didn’t question it further.

I went and knocked on the door but got nothing. Charles must not be home. The key burned in my pocket.

Part of me said I should just open up the door and let myself in. After all, it had been my apartment less than two months ago. But somehow, despite recognizing all of the smells in the hall, and the carpet, and the doors, as if I’d been here yesterday, I felt like a stranger outside my old door.