Forever Yours

Mom always says “Nothing lasts forever even memories” I never had a thought about that not until a year ago when I got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I didn’t even know something like that existed but when I fainted at work and got rushed to the hospital, it knew it was all real.

Mom and Dad were so worried about me, when the doctor informed us of what led to the sudden faint, mom broke into tears while I looked confused; I mean I had no idea what it was, and I couldn’t even bring myself to cry when I found out what it meant.

Alzheimer’s is a disease that destroys memory and mental factors, it destroys the brain, it’s a brain disorder that gets worse over time but has no cure, and it leads to aging, I’m

going to get old at a young age, that night I made sure to stay up all night to google more about the disease, according to google a person with Alzheimer’s only lives for 11-20 years, I’m going to die but the medicines are supposed to slow the process, make the symptoms come late.

I never thought my life would be like this, I had the perfect family, two parents that love me, and a sister that loves me. I had the best family, and the best boyfriend but when I got diagnosed it crushed all of us, Mom thought it was her fault because her great-grandmother had the disease, she had no idea it would be genetic, my boyfriend and I had to break up with him because well I didn’t want him to know about this, I don’t want anyone’s pity and Dad, on the other hand, couldn’t take seeing me like this and one night he killed himself, I wish he had stayed with me, I wish he gave me a chance. I still remember reading his suicide letter, he said he couldn’t live with the fact one day I won’t be here, it was like counting the days I had left on earth and he didn’t want to be there when it happens.

His death did a big number on all of us, It crushed mom the most and after a year, she died naturally, all I had was my sister, I hated the fact she always treats me like a fragile egg, I just want to be normal but I know I couldn’t, I understand everything she does, it’s hard on her to have to take care of me, to have to live with the fact one day I won’t be here and one day I might not even remember she is my sister, as fucked it as it must sound that day might not be far and I wish I won’t be alive to see it, I wish I knew how many month/years I had but I’m living with the fact one day I might not wake up.

“Get your butt out of the bed.” A handshaking me softly.

God, I’m going to kill her.

“Let me sleep.”

“Not going to happen.” I groaned.

“Wake the fuck up.”

I groaned and rolled my eyes.

“What do you want Chanel?.” I rubbed my eyes and sat by the edge of my bed, I glanced around to see the notepad I kept by the side of my bed.

“Have to go to the coffee house by 12” I had notepads all around the house to help me remember everything, I had Chanel’s pictures everywhere too because I don’t want to forget her, I never do.

“Are you awake?.” Chanel asked.

I huffed dramatically. “No Chanel, I’m sleeping while sitting down.”

“There is no need to be a sarcastic asshole.” She said.

I turned around and smiled at her.

“We have to go grocery shopping and maybe grab breakfast on the way.”

That is why she woke me up.

“I can hear your thoughts from here, fucking take your bath and I’m waiting in the kitchen.” She said while walking out.

I lived in a two-bedroom apartment, Chanel sometimes stays here but she has her house, when Dad died we got a lot of money from his life insurance, and Mom left us money too, it helped us a lot and it still does, turns out I have health insurance, never knew I did that way we don’t have to worry about my medicines.

I took a quick bath and wore my clothes, I wore a baby blue off-shoulder top with a matching short skirt, just because I’m dying doesn’t mean I won’t look good, I strolled to the kitchen, it was an open plan kitchen designed by Chanel, she is an architect it has always been something she wanted to do and I’m glad she got to do, while me on the other hand, I opened a coffee house, I always wanted to do that and I want it to be there so I would be remembered when I’m gone.

“I’m driving.”

Like she always does.

She drove us to mc Donald’s where we got food before we drove to the grocery shop.

“Isn’t it that way?” I asked Chanel.

“Nope, it has always been here.” She replied.

Well I guess now I can’t remember where the grocery store is located anymore, I always try to see the good side of my disease, I mean there is no good side but I have to live with it, I’m getting used to living with it, I’m getting used to the fact I can never be normal not like Chanel, I would never have normal life, friends, boyfriend, I stayed away from my friends when I got the disease, it’s bad enough my sister goes through the sorrow of having to lose me, I don’t want anyone to have to go through that, I don’t want to know how they will look when I forget them, I don’t want to know how to hurt they will be when I’m gone, so it’s for the best to be alone.

Sometimes I pretend I’m normal, I go out on dates but when the guys come over and ask about all the sticker notes and the notepad, I’m reminded of it all over and I end up telling them to leave, some of us are not meant to love, we are meant to be forgotten.

We picked out everything I needed, or should I say Chanel picked out everything she knows I need, I got to the register, and I took out my notepad where I had written my password and everything.

“Don’t worry I got this,” I said to her.

We paid for our groceries and left.

“There is this party tonight, we could go,” Chanel said.

“I’m not going, I don’t want to meet anyone.”

“I won’t set you up with anyone, I promise.”

“I don’t want to meet people.”

“Come on Amaya, please just this once.” I rolled my eyes, she had been begging me to join her for this party for the past two weeks and every time I say no.

“Please.”

“Fine, just this once.”

She smiled and hugged me.

“Drop me by the coffee house.” She smiled.

“I will come to pick you up later.” She yelled.

The place was busy as usual, I love it in here, the fresh aroma of food, the chatters, and the face of smiling kids, it’s my happy place, and I’m glad I got to open this.

“Good morning Amaya.”

“Morning.” I smiled, it was one of my staff, I didn’t want anyone to be calling me ma’am, just Amaya is fine.

Beep Beep Beep, I glanced at my watch. It was time for my medicine. I got into my office, and a sticker note by one of the drawers that said “your medicine is here.” I took out the medicine and took it.

I just wish one day, I could get out of the pain.