Chapter 24

(Julia’s POV)

As the days passed, Ronan and I only grew closer. From sharing meals together each day, to watching movies on the couch in the evenings, to walking slowly around his home’s backyard, getting in the minor exercise the doctor had recommended, we were practically inseparable.

That closeness extended even when we left the house. The first time I prepared to leave for a doctor’s appointment following my collapse and visit to the hospital, Ronan hovered nearby. He was quiet, but I could tell he wanted to say something.

Finally, I turned and looked at him. “What?” His eyes widened slightly. “What do you mean?” I snorted as I put my jacket on. “You clearly have something on your mind, so go ahead and say it before I have to go.”

“I want to — I mean, could I—” He stopped and shut his mouth firmly, then appeared to gather his courage and opened it again. “I’m coming. To your appointment, I mean. I’m coming to the doctor with you.”

“Oh,” I said, a little taken aback. “A-alright, then. Well, should we get on, then?” And that was all that was said about it. From then on, Ronan always accompanied me to the doctor’s, and I quickly became amused by the questions he fired off to everyone we encountered.

“And is that normal?” He would ask tersely, frowning at a poor nurse who was only trying to gather my blood pressure and other vital information before the doctor came to do the check-up. “That just seems high. Could you run it again, just so we can be sure?”

Or he’d say, “Julia’s been experiencing a lot of restlessness at night, and I was wondering if there was anything we could do about it,” and the doctor and attending nurse would exchange knowing looks and secret smiles.

“Can I just say,” a nurse had murmured to me on a recent trip, smiling kindly. “We all think you two make the cutest couple. “Oh,” I said, trying to mask my surprise at the assumption. “Well…thank you. That’s very nice of you to say.”

On another visit, my doctor paused after an examination, taking advantage of one of the rare moments Ronan was banished from the room to tell me, “He’s really very sweet with you. We all think so.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. The doctor shrugged, then smiled. “Oh, you know. I mean, the way he was acting after your collapse was really touching.” I tilted my head, silently urging him to go on.

“He was just so concerned,” he continued. “Ronan rushed in here, holding you in his arms and yelling for a doctor to get over there and help you. Once we got you on a bed and assured him you were fine, he calmed down, but he was still so upset that you might’ve been hurt.”

The doctor smiled. “It’s clear that Ronan really loves you. You two make a wonderful couple. You match each other well, do you know what I mean?” I nodded, trying to take in his words. “And another thing,” he continued. “Ronan will make an excellent father. You can tell he’s really excited about all of it, in his own way.”

Those kind words should have made my heart soar, but instead, my guilt threatened to overwhelm me. I was thrilled to think about Ronan being a father to my baby, a good father. And the fact that people working here not only thought we were a couple, but a wonderful couple…well, that was thrilling, too.

But at the end of the day, I was lying to him at every turn and still intended to leave as soon as my pup was born. It was pointless to daydream about Ronan being a father, about him and I being together. I needed to be practical and keep to my plan.

Despite my resolution to rid myself of any fantasies about being a family, I couldn’t seem to shake them off — or the guilt I felt for lying to Ronan that seemed to grow larger by the day. Now, that guilt was split in two: guilt towards Ronan for lying and tricking him, and guilt towards my unborn child for not giving it the perfect family it deserved.

I thought I had done a good job of hiding my true feelings, but one night at dinner, Ronan put his fork down and said, “Julia, are you alright?” I looked up, surprised at the note of concern in his voice.

“I’m fine,” I said, looking down at my plate. “Just a little tired, I guess.” He narrowed his eyes. “Julia. Tell me the truth.” I sighed and, almost without thinking, quietly said, “I just don’t want you to think I’m weak.”

Ronan sucked in a breath, his eyes wide and somewhat stormy. Finally, he said softly, “I would never think something like that, Julia. How could I, when you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known?”

I stared at him in silent wonder, tears filling my eyes and threatening to spill over on to my cheeks. Ronan’s words were everything I had always longed to hear — from my parents, from Sandy, from Kevin. Now, here was my Alpha, saying them like he really believed it was true.

I took a shaky breath, then gasped out a sob. I hurriedly tried to wipe the tears from my eyes, as if I could pretend it wasn’t happening, but Ronan was at my side in an instant. His strong arms wrapped around me pulling me close, giving me that same sense of security and comfort I always felt around him.

“I’m sorry,” I said around sobs. “I didn’t mean to — to break down like this! I just — the pregnancy is making me emotional, and…” I trailed off as I looked up at Ronan, who was gazing at me almost tenderly.

My eyes flicked to his lips. They were close enough for me to touch. All I had to do was tilt forward just a little bit, and our mouths would meet. I trembled, holding myself back, then suddenly pushed Ronan away.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I just got a little overly emotional because of the pregnancy, and what you said was so nice, so…” I shrugged and smiled as I wiped away any stray tears. “I really am sorry. Hopefully, it won’t happen again.

Ronan nodded, a small smile on those lips that I had just been dreaming about kissing. “I understand. There’s no need to apologize, Julia.” As he got up and went back to his seat, my body silently cried out for him.

I fought off those thoughts, trying to get a handle on the wave of heat and arousal coursing through me. I always felt comfortable and safe with Ronan, but I had forgotten how attracted I was to him.

But that was pointless to think about, especially right now. I tried to shake those thoughts away and remind myself to keep my focus on the baby. Getting close to Ronan was a bad idea, but getting physically close was downright stupid — no matter how badly my body might want him.