Chapter 114

Mira

I had never been in Lucian’s rooms before.

It felt strange, seeing other parts of the house as if they were in a separate building. The Alpha mansion had been modified so many times over generations that there were entire wings and additions that I had never seen.

Lucian had been given a choice of bedroom when his mother married into the Alpha family, and since he was an angsty teenager he has chosen a space far away from the rest of the inner family. There was a small studio on the second floor on the back corner that he claimed for his own.

There was a bathroom attached, but otherwise it was just one large space with a small kitchenette. On one side was a comfortable sitting area with a couch and table. On the other side, two massive bookcases created a makeshift wall separating off the sleeping area.

“I’ve never really decorated,” Lucian said as we walked in. The walls were sparse, with a map on a wall above a desk and a few black and white landscape photographs near the bed. The phrase ‘bachelor pad’ came to my mind. “When I went off to school, I got rid of all my childhood toys and never brought my personality back after that. Always felt like a guest in this house.”

That made me frown, but I tried not to show it. There was still so much I didn’t know about the family that occupied this house.

“You have a lot of books, though,” I said, admiring the spines of some familiar copies. “Have you read them all?”

“Some more than once,” he said shyly, brushing a hand through the hair on the back of his head. “Books have always been my escape.”

I nodded, looking back at him. “Mine too,” I confided, “though I was more into non-fiction and medical textbooks.”

He laughed, making me realize just how dark this night had been. I was glad to forget for at least a few minutes all that had happened in the woods.

“Well,” Lucian said, walking over, “you’ve certainly put that to good use, Doctor.”

He stood next to me, inches away but not trying to touch me, and we looked at the books together in silence. Maybe I was just overtired, but there was something new about the vibrations passing between us.

“You’re welcome to borrow anything, if you’d like,” Lucian said, leaning his head towards me but not looking at me. “My door is open, anytime.”

Then I was looking at him, wondering if he was talking about something more than just books. I gulped down that idea and looked back at the shelves.

“Thank you,” I managed to say.

A wave of guilt and anguish and confusion washed over me. Here I was, sharing a light moment over literature in a room with a man who was not my husband, after leaving the man who is my husband bleeding in the woods.

“Are you alright?”

Lucian saw me swooning as I stepped away from the bookcase, and put a hand on my shoulder.

“Yes, I think I just need to…” my eyes closed on their own, I breathed deeply, “sit down.”

“Come over here,” Lucian’s arm wrapped around my shoulders as he guided me towards the couch. “Can I bring you anything? Water, tea?”

“Tea would be nice, thanks.”

Lucian busied himself with an electric kettle, and dug through a cabinet to find a jar of tea leaves. I was impressed to see he didn’t use store-bought bags, but chose to strain something more natural.

“Dandelion,” he said when he saw me looking. “It’s my favorite, and I’ve started collecting and roasting it myself.”

“Quite resourceful of you,” I said.

“Maybe,” he said with a shrug, his cheeks slightly pink, “but that’s about the only resourceful thing about me. I’m not too proud to admit that I am a terrible cook.”

Dominic was an amazing cook, and I missed him so suddenly it physically hurt. But that Dominic felt like a past version. After tonight’s episode, I didn’t know what kind of Dominic would be left.

“Luckily,” Lucian went on, seeing the distress on my face, “the beauty of this room is proximity to the kitchen.”

He gestured vaguely out into the hallway.

“There’s a hidden stairwell, looks like a closet, that gets you right down there,” he told me, offering me his secret. “Good manners will go a long way in getting late night snacks from the kitchen staff.”

He looked suddenly embarrassed.

“Are you hungry? I didn’t even ask, I can go get something—“

“No,” I said, stopping him, “thank you. I don’t think I could eat anything right now.”

He sealed his lips and nodded, then went back to the tea. I let myself zone out staring towards the books on their shelves, wondering if it was possible to trade lives with a fictional character. But even the heroes in the fairytales have to go through hardship, complete a quest, in order to achieve their destiny.

Lucian walked carefully carrying two hot mugs, and the warmth in my hands was a welcome sensation in my aching hands. Looking at my fingers, I saw for the first time the blood underneath my nails.

It was Dominic’s blood.

The tears were back, luckily without the primal moaning of before.

“Hey, Mira…” Lucian spoke softly as he took the mug from my hands, putting it with his on the table. He moved closer to me on the couch. “Can you talk about it? Would it help? I just want to know how I can help you.”

I sniffed in through my nose, holding my breath and closing my eyes. I tried to drum up the important facts without having the mental images of the events.

“We fought, disagreed, about… it’s been a rocky few days,” I said, deciding to keep the contents of my womb to myself. “And he’s right, I have been distant, but knowing that he was, that he…”

Lucian waited, and after a breath I focused once again.

“I found out something about Dominic,” I confessed, losing the ability to hold it in. “He is the reason I lost my wolf. When we were young.”

I think I heard the sound of Lucian’s jaw bone dropping away from his skull.

“It wasn’t his fault, I don’t think, but he was still involved and even though I have my wolf back and I love him so much I can’t help but feel like he betrayed me somehow or that he isn’t the man I thought I knew. And then—“

I choked on the word, then composed myself. I didn’t notice when Lucian had started rubbing my upper back in comforting circles, but I didn’t stop him from continuing.

“And then he accuses me of not being honest about myself,” my words were coming fast again, “and then he starts to lose it, really lose it, and when he goes for a calming tincture that usually works on him instead he just…snapped. Dominic was gone, and the black wolf took his place.”

“Did he hurt you?” Lucian was suddenly furious, looking like he would rise from his seat and go fight Dominic in that very instant.

“No, I mean, we fought, but I’m okay,” I said, placing a hand on his leg to keep him in place. “I’m just so angry at him, and so sad that it turned out the way it did, and so afraid that we can’t come back from this.”

Lucian said nothing, but the tightness in his jaw told me he had a lot of opinions on the matter.

“I can’t tell anyone about losing my wolf to him— I haven’t even told him— I trust that you won’t either?”

He sighed. “Of course,” he said, placing his hand on top of mine. “You can trust me.”

I smiled, feeling genuinely seen for the first time in days. I never would’ve guessed that Lucian would be my safe haven in this current storm, but I was grateful he was. His eyes were so blue, and he listened so well, and he was kinda cute when he thought he wasn’t acting cool enough.

“Mira, I…”

He looked at our hands and my eyes followed. At some point one of us had begun gently stroking the others fingers, though I couldn’t tell you who was responsible. It felt nice, safe, and uncomplicated. When I looked up and saw his blue eyes, I smiled weakly.

And when he leaned forward to kiss me, I kissed him back.