Chapter 152

Aria’s POV

How was it, even after all this time, after all this distance, after all the hurt that sat piled up between us – I still so easily fell back into Lucian’s web.

I wanted to be stronger, to be harder, and keep up the walls with him, yet every time we’d been around each other, he seemed to slowly chip down my defenses. This time, the walls crumpled entirely.

I wished he would kiss me again. I wanted to feel that same passion we had shared only once before. If it weren’t for the kids watching a movie in the living room, I would have already dragged him inside and to the bedroom where our love could have sparked and seared the bed.

But I was not the homemaker I had once been. I had more responsibilities now than to serve and please him. I had the children, and my clinic back in Moonglow. There were people there who depended on me.

Yet, even knowing that, in this moment, I was tempted.

To stay with Lucian... To maybe do things right this time.

I’d wanted to be with him long before we actually got together, ever since he saved me. Even while I’d worked hard for my dreams, in my heart I yearned to be at his side. I’d placed him first in my life, putting everything else to the side.

Because of that, because I had isolated myself, when he pulled away from me during our marriage, I felt utterly lost, like I had nothing left. I had made him my entire identity, so when he didn’t became distant, I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

I couldn’t let this happen again. As much as I loved him, and as passionately as I felt for him, if I gave it all up again…

Who was to say that history wouldn’t repeat itself?

Lucian acted like he cared for me now, and he seemed like he wanted to give me and the kids the world. But could I trust that? As much as he had changed, what was keeping him from going back to old habits if we were together again?

At the same time, however, my own desires kept me from refusing him outright. This was a life-altering decision. I needed time to consider things, think things through.

Then and only then could I have an answer that would hopefully satisfy us both, one way or the other.

“I need to think about it,” I said. “Please… give me some time.”

Carefully, I unwound myself from his arms and took a step backwards, allowing for some breathing room between us. My heat started to cool in the night air.

“I’ll wait for your answer,” Lucian said. “I’d wait forever for you.”

The next day at the hospital, as Piper and I stood beside Cathy’s bedside, the kids drawing pictures with crayons on the floor, I told them all what happened – censoring some points because of the presence of the kids.

When I ended with the question, they both gasped.

“So what are you going to do?” Cathy asked.

“I don’t know yet,” I said. “That’s the thing.”

“We want to stay,” Luke said from the ground, having clearly eavesdropped as I suspected.

I gave me a look, but he held it. With I sigh, I turned back to my friends. “The kids don’t mind staying.”

“You know I miss you,” Cathy said. “It would be nice to see your face more often.”

Piper smiled a little. “I would miss you if you stayed here, but I’m not against it. I’d just have one more person to visit when I come back. And with the war over, there’s no reason I can’t come back as much as possible.”

True. The war had made travel to and from Moonglow more difficult for years. Now that it was resolved, a day-long trip to avoid the warring packs only took a few hours.

“That said,” Cathy added. “You could also visit more often. Or Lucian could go and visit you. You aren’t flying off the map anymore. You are only a few hours away.”

“He wants to give us another try,” I clarified. “I think he means for me to be a housewife again.”

Outrage sparks on both my friends’ faces.

“He wouldn’t!” Piper said, aghast.

“If that’s what he thinks, he can screw himself,” Cathy said bluntly.

“Cathy,” I shush, gesturing to the kids.

“What’s that mean, Mommy?” Jean asked.

“I’ll tell you later, honey,” I said to Jean, while giving Cathy a withering look. “Just don’t repeat it okay? It’s an adult word.”

“Sorry,” Cathy said, and at least had the decency to look somewhat sheepish about it. She rallied quickly though, “But my point remains. If that’s his expectation for you, he can kindly take a short walk off a long pier.”

“But are you sure that’s what he means?” Piper asked. “It’s been a long time, and you yourself have said he’s changed. Maybe that’s not what he expects this time…”

“I’m admittedly not sure,” I conceded. “But it doesn’t matter anyway.” To Piper, I said, “After all the good we’ve done in Moonglow, how could I just walk away and leave it all behind?”

Piper considered my words, frowning slightly. “Why not call and ask Silas? He’s been there. He sees how things are working without us. And he might be able to give you some insight on things.”

Silas had long been my mentor. He knew me better than almost anyone, and had always believed in my abilities and my career choices.

If anyone could help me see the path to take now, it was him.

So later, while the kids stay with Cathy and Piper, I went to my office and made a call. Long distance, to my clinic.

The receptionist was excited to hear from me and paged Silas right away.

When he came to the phone, his voice was filled with warmth. “Aria. I was hoping to hear from you.”

Worry peaked for a moment. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine,” he said quickly, soothing me at once. “I just wanted to congratulate you. We heard, even all the way here, about the cure we developed. How is the patient?”

“Better every minute,” I said. “Soon, I’ll be able to return…”

Silas hummed, and then a pause fell between us. “Is that what you want?”

“Shouldn’t I? The clinic needs me…” I let my voice trail, saying those words. Honestly, I didn’t know if that was true.

“You are a valuable partner here,” Silas said. “And the work you’ve already done, you should feel proud of. I’m certainly proud of you. But things aren’t how they once were, Aria. You’ve done enough good that the pack can start to take care of itself. And with the trade routes open again, we can start to import the supplies we need once more.”

“So I’m not needed…”

“With your abilities and your character, Aria, you are an asset wherever you are,” Silas said. “But no, I suppose, you aren’t needed exactly. The pack can sustain itself now.”

“Oh…”

“You can still return and be welcomed, of course,” Silas said. “You could have a good life here. But it’s no longer a necessity. If you move back here, it should only be because you want to.”

Because I wanted to?

But what did I really want?