Chapter 63

Aria’s POV

Cathy’s words stayed with me, even after I calmed down enough to think more clearly.

As I was no longer bond to Lucian, I truly could go wherever I wanted, but where did I want to go?

Needing a minute alone, I excused myself from the worried glances of Cathy and Piper, and retreated into my room.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t see anything unusual in my appearance, other than my reddened eyes and nose from crying. Despite how very different I felt inside without the mating bond tying me to Lucian, I was still the same Aria on the outside.

It almost didn’t seem fair. Shouldn’t my outward appearance match the hollowness within?

On my dresser in front of my mirror were the two ID cards that Lucian had given me for Dr. A and Dr. A’s baby. The ensured that Dr. A and her child would always be members of the Nightfall pack no matter where they decided to go.

Looking at them, I knew I could go anywhere and still be welcomed home if I wanted, but once I left would I even be tempted to return? Or would the outside appeal to me so much that I wouldn’t want to come back. Maybe I could find a new place to belong – somewhere where things didn’t hurt so much anymore.

A light knock sounded on my door. I knew without asking that it had to be Cathy, worried about me.

“You can come in, Cathy,” I told her.

She opened the door and stepped inside. She glanced me over briefly, as if making sure I was still physically well, then she approached.

Seeing what I held, she told me, “You could stay in Nightfall pack as Dr. A. Give up your Aria identity for a while. You’d have a good life. Everyone loves you now, and your child would treated like royalty.”

The thought of my child being loved and pampered did hold some appeal, but, at the same time, as my child grew, if they looked at all like Lucian, wouldn’t Lucian start to become suspicious? Maybe he would start to question Dr. A’s identity again.

Yet, even if he didn’t…

“There’s too many bad memories here,” I said.

“Surely they can’t all be bad memories,” Cathy said.

They weren’t, but that was part of the problem. “Even the good memories hurt right now. I need to leave. That feels like the only way I’ll ever find peace again.”

Cathy looked like she wanted to argue, so I barreled forward with my second point.

“Besides, my dream has always been to provide medical care to the world’s poor, not just those in Nightfall. I need to expand my horizons.”

Cathy had no counter for that. “I know you want to help people…”

Yes. Helping people had always been my dream, and I’d been reminded of that when I helped Caleb. If I focused on this dream, then I could forget about the things that hurt me, like Lucian and the empty bond.

My life’s purpose could be dedicated to being the best Healer I could be, to the people who needed my help the most. Already, I started to feel a bit better – more determined.

“I only need to stay long enough to find a way to cure Sheila’s infertility,” I said. “Then I’m leaving.”

Saying it aloud helped it feel more real. This was a goal that I could work towards.

Lucian’s POV

I should half felt relieved, now that I no longer had to worry about Aria or the divorce. Yes, I still needed to find a way to untangle everything, but I was certain I could make that happen over time. Public opinion changed all the time, and Mom and Dad would understand, especially if Aria wanted to move on with someone else.

I should have felt relieved, but I didn’t. If anything, I now seemed to carry around a large amount of dread and unhappiness, right there in my chest. I couldn’t explain it, I certainly didn’t understand it.

But I kept feeling like I lost something very important, and not just someone who took care of me and my home. This was deeper, down on a core level inside of me. Something was fundamentally just… gone.

How could this be? My heart was acting like I had deep feelings for my wife.

Shaking my head, I tried to clear it. What I needed to do now, to help handle my guilt, was marry Sheila. Maybe then she would forgive me for her infertility, and I could start to forgive myself.

The driver had been taking me the long way back to the office, but I told him now, “Take me home.”

“Yes, sir,” the driver said and signaled for a turn.

I tried to clear my thoughts during the drive, not wanting to think about my feelings of guilt over Sheila or my more confusing feelings for Aria.

Finally, the car pulled in front of the house.

“Thank you,” I told the driver and gave him a heft tip. Then, stepping out of the car, I turned toward my house and my future.

Yet, after a few steps, I stopped, noticing the gardens Aria often enjoyed tending. In her absence, they were starting to be overgrown. I’d told the gardener not to tend to this section, believing that Aria would soon return to take of it herself.

She wasn’t particular, but it felt important to me that Aria have her own garden untouched, just the way she liked it.

Now that she wasn’t going to ever return…

A stab of pain struck at my heart. Ignoring it, I turned away from the gardens and forced myself forward.

At the front door, I searched in my pocket for my key. Slipping my key into the lock, I was immediately overcome with a memory so strong, it was as if I was there again.

In the past, before Aria had left home, when I returned home after a long day’s work, she would be there, waiting for me in the foyer with a smile. It wasn’t just the hard days, I remembered now, but every day.

Anytime I opened this door, she would be just beyond it, a smile ready.

“Welcome home,” she’d say, and I could finally relax, shrugging off the worries of the day. When I saw her face and heard that voice welcoming me home, I knew I didn’t have to worry about anything else for the rest of the evening.

Aria had seen to the servants, making certain dinner was ready. I suspect my evening tea was also part of her handiwork.

But more than the service she provided, that smile and those words had helped ground me. I’d become accustomed to them. Like I’d been trained, as soon as I heard them, I relaxed.

Never again would I feel that way.

Turning the key, I pushed the door open. My foolish heart half-hoped to find Aria there.

I changed my mind, she might say.

But Aria wasn’t there.

Instead, Sheila was waiting for me this time. She wore no smile, but a glare, her arms crossed.

Never had I felt so unwelcomed in my own home.

Sheila’s voice was sharp. “Where have you been?”