Chapter 101

“You did?” Iris asks, her voice soft with wonder while her eyes narrow with disbelief.

Miles can understand her doubt. Nowadays, he gives off the impression that he fully follows the straight and narrow. Even back then, he pretended to be a good kid to everyone outside of his home. To his parents though, he was a hellion and a nightmare.

At least until the worst thing that could ever happen to him happened, and he had re-evaluated everything.

He doesn’t want Iris to experience that though. Nor does he particularly want to share the more gruesome of his experiences.

He’ll help her however he can without tarnishing her with his trauma.

“I did,” Miles says. “And it turned into the greatest regret of my life.”

He checks to make sure she’s listening and sees her hanging on his every word.

“My parents fought because they were angry with each other, but I learned that the anger was never directed at me. For a while, they separated. I thought that might be the end, but honestly, it’s the happiest I’ve ever seen them, in hindsight.”

Sighing, Miles lowers his head and shares one of his deepest regrets. “I ran away, something terrible happened, and they came back together. When I returned I thought that I finally had what I wanted, my family together again. Soon the fighting started all over again.”

“They should have stayed apart?” Iris asks.

“I think we all would have been happier in the end,” Miles says. “Me, especially. Instead of watching them wither away with their hatred, I could have had two Christmases.”

Iris considers the words. “Two Christmases?”

“Double the presents,” Miles says. “Double birthday parties. Double holidays. And if either parent gets remarried, you have even more presents. Extra grandparents, can you imagine?” Miles whistles. “I could have had so many more people in my life to love me, if I just let my parents figure themselves out.”

Iris falls silent again. “Double Christmas,” she whispers. Then she looks up at me. “What if they hate each other so much that Mom moves away forever and won’t even come see me again? Or Dad does?”

“That won’t happen,” Miles says.

“How can you know?”

“That won’t happen,” another voice says. Miles looks up to see Garnar and Esther step through the brush.

“Mom. Dad,” Iris says, excitement in her voice.

“That won’t happen,” Garnar says.

“We love you so much, Iris,” Esther says. “Neither of us are leaving your life.”

Listening to Iris and Miles talk, I could barely contain my sadness. Garnar and I have only just arrived, so we didn’t hear much, but what we did hear is enough to make me want to apologize to Iris every day for the rest of my life.

How could I ever allow her to think that I would leave her behind? Just because I fight with her dad does not mean I will abandon her!

Garnar seems equally apologetic, and for a long while we both hold Iris and apologize, over and over again – until our hearts are full and our tears are spent.

As we walk back toward the fairgrounds, Iris holds Garnar’s hand. They walk a bit ahead of Miles and I, who follow along behind them.

Miles and I are close together, walking side by side on the narrow trail through the forest. Every now and then, our hands brush together. These touches don’t linger, but each one sends a small shock through my system, bringing me to life again.

This is not an appropriate time to want to kiss him, even as grateful as I am to him for everything he’s done here. Talking to Iris. Leading her back to us, and us to her. Even if we had found her without his help, she would still be angry at us. We wouldn’t never really know why.

It’s only because of Miles that the truth has been set free for all of us to work through and mend.

“Thank you,” I tell him.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he says, brushing off my words.

“I do.” Because I’m still worried he won’t take me seriously, I stop and look right at him. “I do, Miles. Truly. Thank you for this.”

He stops walking too, to meet my gaze. His attention lifts to the top of my head. Suddenly, he reaches out and gently plucks something out of my hair. As he withdraws, he’s holding a small leaf. I expect him to drop it onto the forest floor. Instead, he tucks it into his pocket.

“Miles…”

He shakes his head, stopping me from saying anything more. “I’m happy to help a lost kid. I was like her once. It’s easy to get caught up in the negative feelings and forget how much the people you love actually care for you in return. Especially as a child, when emotions are so strong and new.”

“You had to go through something like this?” I ask. “I didn’t know.” From what I’ve researched, Miles had the perfect childhood. His parents have been married for 30 years and are always smiling in photos. Miles has always been very complimentary to them and his upbringing in all of his interviews.

“Things aren’t always they fairy tale we want them to be,” Miles says.

“You could tell the truth,” I say. “No one would judge you.” Well, some people would, but those kinds of people are not worth mentioning. They would judge him for being too perfect too. Miles would never be able to win with some critics.

“The past is the past,” Miles says, but he seems a little distant now, with a faraway look in his eyes. I don’t like that look. I want Miles to be here in the present with me.

I glance at Garnar and Iris, who are still trekking forward on the path. Then, knowing they aren’t looking, I reach out and take Miles’s hand in my own. Lacing our fingers together, I squeeze.

He immediately lifts my hand and places a kiss on the back of it.

“You are so sweet to worry about me,” he says. “But I swear to you, I am fine.”

I blush and turn my attention forward again. This time, I catch Iris glancing back at us with surprise and curiosity.

Panicking, I drop Miles hand and start forward again. Miles wordlessly follows behind me.

Miles knows Iris caught him holding her mother’s hand. She’s a smart kid. Observant. He supposes it’s only a matter of time before they need to have a talk of some kind.

So it’s really no surprise that when we reach the tree line, Iris asks to walk beside Miles the rest of the way.

Esther and Garnar seem confused by that. Garnar, in addition, looks really pissed off. But they acquiesce, and start walking together, glancing back at us now and again.

Iris and I follow behind, a bit slower, likely creating distance so that we will not be overheard.

“I saw you just now,” Iris says. “With my mom.”

Miles isn’t going to gaslight this child, even if she gets angry with him because of the truth. “Yes.”

“You kissed her hand.”

“I did,” Miles admits.

“You like my mother,” Iris says. It’s an accusation, but it’s not harsh. More, pointed. As if stating an objective fact.

“Yes,” Miles says.

“No,” Iris says, half turning to him as they walk. Her eyes are serious. “You like like my mom.”

The distinction between like and like like is not lost on Miles. One like means as a friend. Two means romantic.

Miles knows the difference. It makes him smile to have it all laid out so simply.

“Would that upset you?” he asks.

“Does she like like you in return?” Iris asks.

Miles frowns then. Watching Esther walk alongside her ex-husband like he isn’t a scumbag doesn’t help his opinion.

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “What do you think?”

“How should I know?” Iris asks. Then, hastily, she adds, “Just don’t make her cry, okay?”

With that, Iris takes off to catch up with her parents.