Chapter 11

The accusation startles me.

Jealous? There’s no way I could be jealous. Miles and I shared a night of passion, sure, but I have no claim over him. I never did. Even when he were together, I knew it was only for one night.

I have no right to be possessive, and therefore physically cannot be jealous.

Except… when I think about Miles dropping me to go dance with someone else, I kind of want to pull that hypothetical woman’s hair out.

I’m not about to admit that though, especially not to Miles.

So I lie. “It’s nothing so dramatic. You are a young, successful man. I simply thought you would be happier dancing with someone more close to your age. There are many girls here who are already vying for your attention.”

“You think I care about any of them?” Miles frowns at me.

“You should,” I say. “More than you do for me, at least. I don’t need to remind you that I’m married.”

“I’m not a fool, Esther. Maybe others can be willfully ignorant to your unhappiness, but I see it clear as day. That night –”

I hush him.

He ignores me, continuing without missing a step. “You were heartbroken and you needed… not just comfort, but to feel sexy again. Do you know what that tells me? That your husband has left you wanting for a long time.”

“Please, keep your voice down,” I say, glancing around.

Fortunately no one seems to be paying attention to us, aside from the single women standing along the dance floor edge, glaring at me. But they are too far to hear. The other dancers might not be able to hear either, with how loud the brass instruments are playing in the orchestra.

“And then today,” Miles continues, though he does abide by my request this time and drops his voice to a whisper delivered straight into my ear. “Your husband introduced some other woman as his date. If you ask me, Esther, your marriage is far from a happy one.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about,” I say, even as hurt I’ve been running from creeps up on me once again.

There was a time when Garnar seemed a devoted husband. He whispered words of love, took me on romantic dates, and bought me gifts. When I said our ‘I do’s’, I never would have believed he would someday take on a mistress, or ask me for an open marriage.

I don’t know what changed. If he was always a liar, or if his feelings for me shifted slowly over time. But something has irrevocably shifted in the past ten years, and now everything is so broken, I don’t think we could fix it even if we wanted to.

But. Garnar is still my husband and the father of my children. Even without love between us, the bonds are difficult to break.

“Your marriage is in serious trouble, Esther,” Miles says.

Like I don’t know that.

“What do you propose I do?” I ask, looking back at him. We’re still so close I can see the concern flicker in his eyes. “Why should I even trust you? You don’t know what I’ve been through. And you are still so young.”

“I can help you.” Miles’s expression dampens now. He’s as serious as a heart attack.

Why would he even want to get involved with someone like me, when he is so young and successful, he could have anyone he wants?

And why should I want to be with him either? The way things are, entering a new romance would only bring me more trouble. I can’t just disappear from my life. I need to consider my children.

I fell for Garnar’s whispered words of promise too, all those years ago. Garnar is only two years younger than me, compared to Miles’s nine, but I refuse to be made a fool of a second time.

To Miles, I’m likely just a game to entertain him while his bored. When my drama becomes too tiresome or plays itself out, he’ll likely just leave me behind for the next lonely woman in line.

I gave everything to help Garnar build a career and a life, and all I received in return was a broken marriage. My children are the only saving grace.

I’m a useless housewife now, too long out of the workforce to really make a name for myself beyond these few parties. I’m also too old to think I can find love again, especially when the first time ended so terribly.

“Esther,” Miles says, squeezing me tightly. I look up at his eyes and see his determination bearing into me. In a commanding tone, he demands, “Leave your husband.”

For one wild, brief moment, I consider his words. I could leave Garnar and run off into the sunset with Miles. Lord knows the sex is good.

But then the morning will come and reality will crash in on us. Miles will realize he nearly threw everything away for a washed up older woman and leave me behind.

Because I will publically leave Garnar, I imagine he would win the children in the divorce.

I would lose everything.

I’m too old to believe in fairy tales, and what Miles wants is just that.

“I’m sorry, Miles. I appreciate your concern, but that one night aside, my personal life is not any of your business.”

Miles stills and we stop in our dance. The other couples continue to move around us. A few glance over, curious.

“I have two daughters,” I tell him. I don’t want him to be angry or upset. He needs to know that I appreciate his suggestion, but it’s just impossible, for lots of reasons. If he hears me out, maybe he will understand and drop this whole thing. “If I didn’t have them, I would be tempted, surely…”

Miles’s brow furrows ever-so-slightly.

“I don’t need love to be satisfied in my life. Maybe I did when I was younger, but not anymore.” I give him a small smile to reinforce my point. “All I need is for my children to be cared for and happy. I would never leave them.”

“I’m not asking you to. You could –”

“Miles.”

My heart warms for him at what he is trying to do. He wants to save me, like my own knight in shining armor. That’s something young men do, when they idealistic, before the world has beaten them down so much they realize they can’t save anyone, not even themselves.

“My girls need their father. Whatever my relationship is with Garnar, or what it becomes, I would never take their father from them. He is my husband now in name only, but he will always be the father to my children.”

“He’s not worthy of that title,” Miles says, his voice low, simmering with anger.

Gently I shake my head. For both our sakes, I need to end this now.

“Forget the night we were together,” I say.

“I won’t,” Miles says.

“Why not? There are so many women that want you. You could have any countless number at any time you want. They would all be willing to crawl into your bed and please you.”

Miles huffs out a frustrated breath. “You think I would want those others.”

I’m confused. “…Yes?”

Narrowing his eyes, he looks at me as if for the first time. I hate the hurt in his voice as he asks me, “Do you truly not remember me?”