Chapter 130

After that, things are a blur. Miles’s hands are on my body and mine are on his.

Only when he touches the bottom of my skirt as if to lift it up over my ass, to I remember myself, returning into my mind with a hard shock.

I break the kiss at once, leaning back. “We can’t do this,” I say.

He stills. “Why?”

“You know why,” I tell him. “Let go of me, please.”

I don’t struggle, trusting Miles to let me go. He does, lowering his hands from my body, though he doesn’t back away at all. I’m the one who has to take a step back, allowing for some breathing room between us.

Looking at him, at the heave of his broad shoulder as he recovers his breath, and at those kiss-red lips, swollen from my own mouth, I have to step back even further. I move into the next row of chairs, placing one squarely between us.

That should keep me from jumping into him again too eagerly. And I am eager, my body alight by his nearness. My panties are already damp, my nipples hard in my bra.

Pushing back all sexy thoughts, I try to focus. This man is engaged. He is engaged. Again and again, I repeat those words until I’ve cooled enough to look at him.

“Is this about Selena?” he asks. I can’t stand the confusion on his face, like he has no idea he’s here with me, ready to cheat on his fiancé!

“Of course it’s about Selena,” I tell him. “You didn’t forget you are getting married?”

Miles takes a steadying breath. Then he holds up his hands palms forward, defensively. “I know what this must look like, but I swear it’s not as bad as you are thinking. That’s what I really wanted to talk to you about.”

“You aren’t engaged?” I ask, hope rising in my heart.

“No, I am,” he says, and that hope immediately drops to the floor, squandered and diminished. “But it’s only a strategic move. It’s not something based on actual feeling…”

“Does Selena know that?” I ask.

Miles scoffs. “Of course she does.”

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“What do you take me for, Esther? I’m not Garnar.”

He says that, but it’s difficult not to see the comparisons in this case.

“Selena as my fiancé provides a political advantage,” Miles continues. “Surely you’ve heard about her charity work. And she also works as a perfect cover for –”

“I don’t want to hear this,” I say in a rush, cutting him off. “I don’t want to hear any of this. You could have told me all this over the phone. Or in a text. You didn’t need to sneak me out here in the middle of nowhere just so you can tell me all the reasons you want to marry Selena.”

“You aren’t listening to me,” Miles says. Gripping the chair that stands in between us, he lifts it and stacks it onto its neighbor, clearing a path between us.

“I don’t need to listen. I never should have agreed to come here. I should have done what I knew was right in the first place,” I say, the words pouring out of me, quick and shaky with hurt.

“What are you talking about?”

“We can’t do this while you are engaged. Every time we see each other, we fall right back into each other’s arms. It’s like there’s a magnet inside us, I don’t know,” I say, knowing I’m being illogical now, but I just can’t stop myself. “The only thing we can do is stop seeing each other.”

Miles freezes. His eyes widen. “What do you mean? Like… forever?”

“Yes,” I say, forcing the words out even as my heart breaks all over again. “I think it’s best if we never see each other again.”

“No,” Miles says immediately, and then again, more forcefully, “No. Esther. You can’t possibly want that?”

“This isn’t about what I want,” I tell him. “This is about what’s right.”

“It’s not right,” Miles argues. “Following your heart, that’s what’s right.”

“Not if it hurts someone else.”

“It’s not hurting anyone.” Suddenly, Miles comes back to life. He surges forward, crossing the narrow distance between us and scoops me up against him. “If you don’t want me, then you don’t want me. But don’t you dare lie to me. I know you feel this spark between us. I know you want me as much as I want you.”

“Miles…” My heart aches so much I feel like it might burst. I don’t want to push him away. He’s amazing and he’s so good to me. But this never had a chance of lasting on our best days, and now that he’s engaged…

He doesn’t want to hear my arguments anymore. I’m sure of it, when his mouth closes over mine and his tongue swallows my words.

I should fight harder, but I am weak to his mouth and his arms and to the hands that are clawing at me so desperately. Soon, I find that my hands are just as desperate to slide him out of his clothes as he is to remove me from mine.

My brain shuts off and my desperate feelings take over.

An hour later, Miles and I rest on our backs on the floor of the room. The fluorescent light still buzzes, beaming overhead. Beside me, Miles lightly dozes, entirely dead to the world with his slumber.

For a while, I think of waking him and trying to talk to him again. But, if this evening has proven anything, it’s that trying to amicably split always devolves into desperate sex. We are simply too hot for each other.

I can’t let this happen a second time. Once was bad enough. Poor Selena probably has no idea that her fiancé met up secretly with another woman. That I’m the other woman makes me want to be sick.

That disgust in myself gives me the courage I need to slowly slide away from Miles’s embrace and quietly dress. I watch Miles the entire time, freezing at any change of breath. He continues to rest soundly.

Once I am fully dressed, I back up to the door. Hopefully the security guard doesn’t need Miles permission to let me out or to let me leave.

Turning the knob, I slip out into the library.

The security guard lifts his flashlight to my face. Then he lifts his phone and starts texting. I can only pray he’s texting the person with my car and not Miles asleep in the room behind me.

After a second, he receives a response. Not likely, Miles then, who is still sleeping.

“Come on,” the guard says and starts leading me back through the library.

Every step away from Miles tears a fresh hole in my heart. I’ll have to go numb to recover from this. Even then, it might still ache.

As soon as Esther closes the door behind him, Miles sits up and reaches for his phone.

Every fiber of his being demands he chase after Esther and bring her back, but he holds himself back. He wanted to see what she would do: if she would stay or if she would leave.

She left, and he has to respect that.

Even if it hurts like hell.