Chapter 137

At once, a variety of emotions wash over me. Hurt, yearning, a satisfaction that Miles still cares about me, guilt, trepidation.

Among all these feelings, however, confusion reigns supreme.

This is what Selena wanted to talk to me about.

“I don’t understand,” I admit, because Selena seems to be waiting for me to reply somehow. How am I supposed to reply to Miles’s current fiancé telling me, his ex-fling, that Miles has been sad without me?

“He misses you, Esther,” Selena says, infinite patience in her voice.

Her reply only makes me more confused.

Surely it’s not how it sounds. She must mean, from her perspective, that Miles misses me as a friend and nothing more.

“Miles and I decided to go our separate ways…” I carefully say.

“He said that you sneaked out in the middle of the night,” Selena says.

Oh. Okay. No confusion there.

Selena is definitely aware of the nature of Miles and my relationship, then.

“Uh…” I try to formulate words, but I’m at a total lost.

At least she doesn’t seem angry, I guess?

“I know this sounds unusual,” Selena says. “But my situation with Miles isn’t exactly typical. Anyway I’m hoping that we can reach an understanding.”

Does she… want me to continue to see Miles even while he is engaged to her? That can’t be. I would never go for something like that, if I was in her position.

If Miles gave me a ring, I’d want him for my own. I’m not big on sharing.

Is Selena suggesting some kind of polyamory situation?

“I’m not being clear,” Selena admits.

“You aren’t,” I reply.

“I’m asking that you and Miles continue to seeing each other again,” Selena says. “Of course, you will have to be secretive, meeting as you did at the library. We can’t risk any of our reputations. But if you are careful, I don’t see any reason why this relationship can’t continue.”

This conversation has veered so far off the rails of what I expected that I’m struggling to keep up.

But this… This is too much, too far. I don’t want to believe that she’s serious, but I can hear in her voice that she is.

Maybe if I hadn’t been cheated on, I might have been more open to something like this. As it is, with all the pain and heartbreak I’ve been through and all the time I’ve wasted over the years dedicated to a man who didn’t really love me, I refuse to be the other woman. Even if the primary woman knows about me.

Even if she encourages it.

“I’m with Hugo now,” I tell her. My voice trembles with temptation. It’s not easy to pass on any chance to be with Miles, even one as strange as this. But I’m determined to stick to my principals on this.

I was weak before, when I met Miles at the library. I would not replicate that weakness.

“You feel the same for Hugo as you did for Miles?” Selena asks.

Things with Hugo aren’t as explosive as they had been with Miles, but I’m not telling her that. This conversation is so strange, I really want to find my way out of it.

Maybe Selena is trying to trap me. She could be lulling me into a sense of comfort, making me think that she’s alright with Miles and me, just so I’ll tell her my secrets.

Alternatively, she could really be genuine and she wants Miles to be happy. Perhaps she has her own secret partner on the side?

Either way, this feels like a trap. Even if it isn’t, it’s still weird.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you and Miles,” I tell her. “But it is between you and Miles. I’d really rather not be involved with whatever is going on between you two.”

“But, Esther –”

“Please. Figure yourselves out however you’d like, but leave me out of it.”

“I don’t think you understand. I mustn’t be explaining myself properly.”

“I follow along well enough,” I say. “Now, if you will excuse me, I have other things to attend to.”

“Esther –”

“Goodbye, Selena,” I say and hang up.

With my heart pounding wildly in my chest, I drop the phone onto the counter and bury my face in my hands.

What the hell?

To think I’d be the willing mistress in their marriage? No way.

I detested cheating. Even if Selena would be aware of it, I am an all or nothing kind of woman. I have no intention of sharing the man that I love.

And I also didn’t like the way that conversation made me feel about my budding relationship with Hugo. Selena accused me of not feeling for Hugo what I do for Miles. Of course I wouldn’t. I saw Miles for longer than I’ve been seeing Hugo. It was an unfair comparison.

Maybe I’ve been unfair too.

Hugo deserves a real, actual chance with me. I’ve been treating him as a backup, not his own man for me to fall genuinely in love with.

That changes. Right now.

Picking up my phone, I open a text to Hugo.

When can we go on our second date?

He calls me a moment later. I double check the caller ID twice to be sure it’s him before I answer. That conversation with Selena has me feeling paranoid and unnerved.

“Hello? Hugo?”

“Esther,” his voice is calm and steady. Listening to it, I immediately relax somewhat. “I’m not displeased by your request, though it does admittedly come very soon after your request for Selena’s number. Is everything alright?”

Oh, God. Of course he would think that. I should have waited at least a little while to contact him.

“The conversation was strange,” I tell him. “But it seems everything is in the open, so I have no reason to feel as much guilt anymore.”

“That’s good. Did you tell her the truth?”

“She already knew,” I say. I don’t want to lie to Hugo, and it would take some weight off my chest to talk about this with someone. “She wants me to start seeing Miles again. Secretly.”

Hugo goes very quiet on the other side of the phone. After a long moment, he says, haltingly, “I see.”

“I’m not doing that,” I tell him.

“Good,” he says quickly, relief in his voice. “I’m glad.”

“I told her I’m dating you.”

“Good,” he says. Satisfaction adds in with the relief.

“Which is why I’d like to plan for our second date,” I say. “We deserve every chance to see where this new thing between us goes.”

“I agree,” Hugo says. “What are you doing later today?”

“Today?”

“Why wait?” he asks. “I can pick you up at four. We’ll go to a movie.”

Watching a movie next to Hugo did sound enjoyable, but we wouldn’t be able to talk.

“How about somewhere quieter,” I say. “Somewhere you and I can just talk.”

“I’d like that, too,” Hugo says. “There’s a little café I know that sells macarons. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.” My stomach is already rumbling.

Hugo laughs lightly. “I was worried from our last date. When I’m nervous, I’m sometimes not the best conversationalist.”

“I think you did fine,” I say. “Else I wouldn’t ask for a second date.”

Hugo laughs again. “Yes, I suppose that’s true.” His laughter slowly fades away, but the smile remains in his voice as he says, “I’m glad you are choosing me, Esther.”

“Me, too,” I say, though it hurts inside, just a little.

It probably will for a long time to come.