Chapter 14

Garnar stares me down for a long moment, his expression dire and intense. But then, his lip curls and he bursts out laughing instead.

“You must be joking,” he guffaws.

“I’m serious,” I say. “What about anything that is happening right now that would make you think I’m being funny?”

He sobers himself to stop laughing, but his smile remains. “For ten years, you’ve ever been a dedicated wife. You gave up your male friends when I asked. You cut down on all your time spent outside the home. You even missed your father’s 60(th) birthday when I came down with the flu…”

I remember making Garnar chicken soup and staying by his side as he slept. Whenever I suggested I should leave for the party, he grabbed my hand and told me, “I need you more than he does, Esther. If you love me, you’ll stay…”

When I finally agreed, he sat up in bed and watched shows that made him laugh. His cough miraculously went away. He never did develop a fever.

I was a fool, even then. So madly in love with this man, I was blind to all else.

At my wedding, when Father walked into the bridal room, soon to walk me down the aisle, I clasped both of my hands in his and asked me, “Are you sure this is the one you want?”

The great Preston Owens seemed uncertain. This man was never unsure about anything in his entire life. But when I told him, “I love him, Dad,” Father put everything aside to see my wants delivered.

“You let me go to Vegas on my own,” Garnar adds.

“You said it was for business,” I say.

Garnar snorts a harsh laugh. “You knew the truth.”

I didn’t. I was ever the good little wife, trusting fully in my husband. When he said he needed to go on Vegas to secure his business deal, I had no reason to doubt.

He returned, lipstick on his collar, the smell of alcohol seeped into his clothes, and told me the business deal had fallen through.

He said, “The clients weren’t the kind of people who we should associate with. They tried dragging me into strip clubs, even after I reminded them I’m married.”

At the time, I believed that, and was proud of him for putting our marriage first.

Now I can see clearly: there was never any business deal. He simply went to Vegas to get his rocks off.

“You’re old and fat, but you aren’t stupid, Esther,” Garnar says now. “You knew exactly what was going on, and you let me have it. Our relationship has worked because you’ve been so complacent. You bend the knee and I take care of you and the kids. It’s no great mystery.”

No, I always trusted him and believed in him and our marriage… haven’t I?

He’s right in one aspect, I’m not stupid, even if I have had the wool pulled down over my eyes for so long.

Could it possibly be that I let myself be fooled on purpose? Have I always known the truth and just refused to see it? Instead only seeing what I wanted to see?

I wanted Garnar to be a dutiful and loving husband, so I discarded all evidence of the contrary, never believing my own eyes, my own judgement.

Garnar thinks I’ve been doing this knowingly, but that’s not true. I have my own pride.

I close my eyes, hoping to hide the shame I feel for my past gullible self, and a tear slips out, sliding down my cheek. It’s the only one I’ll allow.

Ten years of lies and deception. The best years of my life, wasted on this man and a love that was never true.

“Why?” I hate how weak my voice is. “If you’ve been so unhappy with me all this time, why not say something? Did you really think you could push everything this far, and I would never finally crack?”

Garnar, for the first time, hesitates. I open my eyes in time to see him glance at Thea, still hiding her face against his shoulder.

“Is it Thea that has made you so bold?” I ask.

Quickly, Garnar’s gaze snaps back to me. “Do not drag your poor sister into this. All of what’s happening now is your fault, Esther.”

Forcing down my tears, I steel my heart. The past doesn’t matter anymore. If it was real, if it wasn’t. The future is what I need to concern myself with now.

“If a divorce is really what you are after, you need to think more carefully,” Garnar says. His voice is sharp, his words clipped, lacking all compassion. “You may have a job at the country club now, but what is that in comparison to my position as CEO?”

“I can support myself and the children,” I say. Things would be tight, surely. The girls might not have all the luxuries they have now, which does pain me, but I would work hard to give them a happy home filled with love and laughter.

Garnar laughs again. “You’ve been a housewife for your entire adult life, Esther. All of your savings? My money. Investments? Mine. Retirement funds? Mine.”

“I’ll make do.”

“And what of our children? Do you really think I’ll let you have custody? I will fight you with tooth and nail. My lawyers will present a good case. You can’t think you’ll stand a chance against me.”

My heart sinks. He has the means to carry out that threat. I’d fight for my daughters, but how long would it take? And who knows how long everything would be tied up in the courts? Garnar has the money to afford the very best attorneys in town.

“Be sensible, Esther,” Garnar says, correctly interpreting my silence as concern. “An open marriage works best for both of us. In fact, I’m doing you a favor by suggesting it. Think of it, you get to keep your children.”

“And what do you get?” I ask.

Garnar smiles, a vicious twist of his lips.

I already know the answer. Garnar gets to keep his live-in maid and babysitter, as well as his reputation and the use of his relation to my father.

Inside of me, a small fire ignites. It burns, fueled by my rising anger.

I have never in my life hated someone as much as I hate Garnar in this moment. I’m even beginning to feel a flicker of rage for my sister, for going along with the will of such a cruel-hearted man.

Every facet of me wants to shout and cry and throw them both out of my house, but my willpower and logic trumps all emotion.

With the very real threat of losing my children looming over me, I don’t dare show my true feelings. I will have a divorce, but it can wait until I make arrangement on my own.

For now, I can play along.

“You’re right,” I say. “I have been selfish.”

Garnar’s eyes widen at first, but he recovers quickly, enough to smile. “See? I knew you could be reasonable.”

Thea turns her head to glance back at me, while still keeping the majority of her face hidden under Garnar’s weak chin.

“An open marriage could be good for us both,” I say. “Let Thea fill your Viagra prescription from now on. I’m ready to move on to a younger man.”

Garnar’s smile slips, but only for a moment. When it returns, it’s vile and mocking, “You’re a worn-out, used-up housewife. You honestly think you are going to find anyone to love you, let alone a younger man?”

“I know I will,” I say. “Because I already have.”

Garnar’s smile slips a second time. Sudden fury burns bright and hot in his eyes. “What?”

“I already have a boyfriend, Garnar,” I say. “And he’s satisfied me in ways that you never could.”