Chapter 140

Hugo and I kiss softly, chastely, with only our lips pressing together. Eyes closed, I lean into him, savoring the closeness. I’m going through the motions of what it should be like to kiss a man I adore. And it’s fine. Sweet, even.

But mostly fine.

Kissing Hugo does not elicit the same jolts of pleasure and desire rushing through me as kissing Miles did.

It’s an unfair comparison, one that isn’t fair to either of them or to myself. Yet, I can’t stop myself from making them all the same. It’s this treacherous heart again, putting itself where it doesn’t belong, holding onto feelings for Miles while Hugo is right here in front of us. Available. Willing.

The kiss ends without fanfare and we quietly step apart.

“I hope that was alright,” Hugo says.

“It was,” I assure him. “Thank you.”

His face puzzles slightly. “I must really be out of practice.”

“What makes you say that?” I ask.

“I was hoping for better than alright,” Hugo says with a small smile.

“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It was a very nice kiss, Hugo.”

Nodding, he takes another step back. “It’s alright. I understand.”

“We’re going slow,” I remind him. “We don’t need to rush these things.”

“You’re right, of course.” He still seems disappointed. I can’t help but feel bad about it.

I need to try harder and commit more.

As I search my mind for all the supportive things I can say, Hugo turns away from me and returns to the other side of his desk.

“I was thinking,” Hugo says. “And feel free to say no. But I thought perhaps it would help you if I was on the production crew for the interview. I could be there personally, and give you all the support you need while facing Miles again.”

I blink, surprised. “You would do that?”

That can’t be easy for Hugo. He already dislikes Miles, and he has the potential to see Miles and I making eyes at each other, something I will try my hardest not to do. It remains a possibility, though. And something I’d rather not subject him to.

But that being said, having him there would greatly diminish the possibility that I would push my judgement aside and fall into bed with Miles again.

Hugo could be my focus and my reminder of the kind of stable life I want to live now.

“It’s no trouble,” Hugo assures me.

“Then, yes,” I tell him. “Please be there. Thank you so much.”

Calls are made, and the interview is scheduled for that night. To make things easier, they agree to meet in one of the studios at the office to conduct the interview. This is somewhat of a relief. Now they won’t have to contrive a reason for Hugo to be on the production crew. He can simply appear on site.

Conducting the interview later at night means that most of the employees will be gone for the day, at least from the side of the building where Esther typically works.

On the television side, there’s always a crew working to keep the 24-hour news network on track. Though even that will be slimmed down for the evening, with most of the executives gone for the day.

The set we’ve chosen for the interview is smaller, with a loveseat for the couple and an arm chair for me. The backdrop gives the appearance of a library, with a wall of bookcases. There are plenty of books stacked there. Apparently this is set they typically interview authors in. After the interview is over, the author’s book gets added to the shelf.

It has a nice ambience. If I wasn’t so nervous about all this, I might even enjoy the room itself, despite the three separate cameras that are being arranged in the room to give the most angles of the interview to come.

I didn’t have time to go home and change, so I’m wearing my work clothes from the day. Fortunately, I chose a good outfit this morning – a nice white blouse and a pair of dark slacks. A beautician sets to fixing my hair and makeup, refreshing it better than I ever could have done.

By the time she is done, I look fresh and ready.

I want to be, even as my heart pounds nearly out of my chest.

I stand in the library set, ready and waiting, while the camera crew check the lighting and the producers discuss some things among themselves, when Hugo enters the room.

He comes to me, his face a blank slate. “Miles and Selena are here.”

It’s fair warning, I try to brace myself. Yet nothing truly prepares me for the way my entire body trembles as Miles walks into the room.

I haven’t seen him in the flesh since that night at the library.

He’s no less handsome, though the bags under his eyes are slightly more pronounced than before, and his frown seems permanently set now.

He takes one step into the room and immediately his focus zeros in on me. Our gazes lock, and I’m lost adrift a sea of deep blue.

God, I missed those eyes. That face. This entire man.

He walks toward me. I know there are other people in the room, but Miles is all I can see at the moment.

“Esther,” he says, and I nearly close my eyes, overwhelmed by the pleasure of hearing that voice say my name once again.

“Hello, Miles,” I say, my throat already dry. It’s taking everything within me not to fling myself at him, to hold him and beg him to take me back. To accept Selena’s offer, to hell with my principals.

Fortunately, Hugo clears his throat, dragging me back into the current place and time. That simple throat clear was all I needed to remember myself and who else is in the room with us right now.

I drop my gaze at once, breaking eye contact with Miles.

“Good to see you again, Mr. Hamilton,” Hugo says cordially.

“Yeah. Hello to you, too, Hugo,” Miles replies without as much friendly politeness.

“Where is – ah, there she is. Selena. Your fiancé,” Hugo says, enunciating each word as if reminding Miles that he is in fact engaged and likely should not be making those kind of eyes at me.

Inwardly, I deeply apologize to Hugo for nearly losing myself. At the same time, I also thank him immensely for stepping in before things could get out of hand.

I’ll have a lot of explaining to do, later. Although, with Hugo, he’s just as likely to say, I understand, and not probe too far into my behavior.

He’s a good man. I need to do better for his sake, and for my own.

I have to be the professional I know I can be.

Selena comes to join us. I notice, despite my best efforts not to, that she stands a few solid inches away from Miles, as if there is an invisible barrier there that neither really want to cross.

I’m thinking too much about it. I’m reading too much into it.

But then Miles looks at me again, and I look at him. And I nearly lose myself all over again.

This is a terrible idea. Why did I ever agree to this? How am I ever going to make it through this interview?