Chapter 141

“It’s time,” Hugo says. “Let’s get started.”

“Very well,” Miles says.

Too late to back out now.

“Nice to see you again, Esther,” Selena says as she approaches. She and Miles sit on the couch, while I take the arm chair. While we are sitting, microphones are fastened to our shirts. After a mic check, we are ready to start the interview.

The producers have a specific series of questions for me to ask. These questions were preapproved by Selena and Miles so there wouldn’t be any surprises.

I feel like the only one who hasn’t seen these questions yet is me. But as a professional, I can turn on the charm when needed, though I’m still not totally sure that I’m meant to be in front of the camera.

Even so, this is my job, and I will see it done.

Looking at the camera, I begin the interview. “Welcome everyone to an exclusive interview on Harbinger News Company. Tonight we are pleased to sit down with Representative Miles Hamilton and his new fiancé, Selena.” I turn my attention to Miles and Selena. “Thank you both for joining me tonight.”

“Thank you for having us,” Selena says.

“Thank you,” Miles says, more briefly.

Glancing down at my questions, I begin the interview.

For a time, it goes on well enough. I ask Miles about his campaign, and Selene about her charity work. Both answers are friendly and charming. Miles seems his old self for a moment, talking about his goals for the nation’s future.

When he’s speaking to me with such passion, it’s so easy to ignore the woman sitting beside him. His eyes on mine, I’m lost in them for a long moment while he once more regales me on how he’s set to repair the economy and keep taxes from soaring too high out of control.

Remembering the camera, I quickly break eye contact to look back down at my cards. As Miles winds up his answer, he turns to look straight into the lens, as if speaking direction to the people.

I hope they can see the earnestness in his eyes as clearly as I could. Whatever else is going on in Miles’s personal life, he loves this country and would make for a good leader.

People should be able to see that.

“I will do everything in my power to make life better for the people of this nation,” Miles says.

I believe him. Despite my personal reluctances with this interview, I feel relieved for having witnessed this. Miles will still have my vote in the election.

But then I read the next question and everything stops.

I have to ask it. The questions were previously decided. I can’t just skip one because I personally don’t want to hear the answer.

“So,” I hear myself say. “Tell me about the engagement. How are the wedding plans coming along?” I ask the question with a big smile – entirely fake. I hate this question and everything about it. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to hear about their wedding and how happy they are.

“Well, we haven’t set the date officially yet,” Selena says, then starts talking about telling their families and the engagement parties they’ve had or are yet to have.

All the while I feel like my heart is about to be ripped out of my chest.

Miles, I notice, doesn’t answer. He will chime in an agreement here or there, when Selena asks him to, but he is otherwise silent.

His gaze stays on me. Once, I dare looking up and make eye contact with him. Selena’s voice fades to the background as I am once more totally engulfed by him and his presence. He’s almost like a drug to me, I’m addicted and it’s hard to look away.

Those blue ocean eyes I adore so much. That I’ve been dying myself for so long.

Right there, in front of me.

It’s difficult to look away.

“Does that answer your question, Esther?” Selena says loudly, pointedly, reclaiming my attention. I don’t startle as I look back at her, but it’s a near thing.

“Yes,” I say, recovering quickly and smoothly. When I glance back at Miles, his gaze is elsewhere.

This gives me the strength and focus I need to complete the interview.

The rest of the interview is a blur. I know I asked the questions, I know I smiled and nodded at the correct times. But I don’t retain anything that Selena and Miles said from that moment on.

As an interviewer, I must have embarrassed myself, though no one calls me out on it. Not during the interview, and not after.

“Congratulations everyone,” one of the producers says, once the cameras are turned off. “A very successful interview.”

Another producer moves in to try to speak to Selena and Miles. With them distracted, I attempt to make my escape, heading toward the exit. Before I can reach it, a warm hand curls around my wrist.

“Esther,” Miles says. Turning back to him, I look up into his eyes. “Esther I have to talk to you.”

“I can’t,” I say, the words catching in my throat. Even now, just talking to him at all, makes me want to apologize and beg and fall back into everything that we were to each other up until the moment we weren’t anything to each other.

“Please,” he says, voice soft.

“Miles…” God, I want to say yes. But I have to hold onto my principles, not just for me, but for my family. For my daughters who are already being teased relentlessly at school because of my previous scandal.

For Selena, who deserves to have an engagement unmarred with her partner sneaking around.

And for Miles himself, who might have these same mixed up feelings as I do. We are attached to each other, even if it’s not love. Affection. Lust. Who can explain it really?

He deserves a true engagement too. A woman who is dedicated to him, not just in name but in heart and soul.

Maybe Selena could be that person, maybe she couldn’t. So long as I’m in the picture, she’ll never have that chance.

And neither will Miles.

“Esther,” Miles says again, a small whisper of my name that sends shivers down my spine.

It would be so easy to give. All I have to say is yes.

I open my mouth, maybe to do just that. Or maybe to say no. I don’t know.

Nothing comes out before Hugo is suddenly there at my side. Eyes on Miles, Hugo slides his arm around my waist.

“Esther, there you are. I need to speak with you back in my office about that topic we were discussing earlier,” Hugo says.

At once, I realize what this is: a rescue. Hugo is attempting to save me.

He is too good for me.

“Oh, yes,” I say, as if remembering. “That’s right. How silly of me to forget for a minute.”

“It’s fine,” Hugo says. To Miles, he says, “You don’t mind, do you, Miles? You know how these things are. Esther and I have some important business to discuss yet.”

“Of course…” Miles says, though his voice is distant.

Following Hugo’s lead, I let him turn and lead me away.

When we are far enough out of reach, Hugo gives me a sideways glance, and in his eyes I can see his hurt.