Chapter 144

A chill starts from within Miles and slowly spreads outward, stretching down his legs and arms until it reaches the tips of his fingers and toes. He’s cold and numb. Even his mind goes very quiet and still, which is odd for him. He’s usually always thinking, always planning.

Right now, he feels like he’s entirely short-circuited.

Esther is dating Hugo. They could be serious.

Miles’s hands curl into fists. He kind of wants to break something, or rage, or throw Cynthia’s phone across the room, but how could he? What kind of hypocrite would he have to be to be mad that some other man has moved in on Esther when he was the one who had to push her away?

Yes, he did so to protect her. But he knew it would hurt her.

He should have found another way to protect her reputation without breaking both of their hearts, but time had been of the essence.

He made his bed, and now he had to lie in it.

“I want you to be happy,” Miles says, and that, at least, he means. He won’t lie and tell her something meaningless like he’s happy for her, or Hugo’s a good guy. The truth is, Miles wants Esther all to himself, to hell with Hugo Harbinger.

But. Above his own selfish desires of wanting Esther, he wants her happy. If that’s not with him…

So be it.

“I am,” Esther says, but then quickly amends. “I could be. It’s early yet.”

That admission gives Miles a small measure of comfort. Maybe he hasn’t totally lost her yet.

“Was that your question?” she asks. “If that’s all, I should really go.”

She’s dodging him again. She clearly has time to talk, as she was the one to call Cynthia. But Miles can admit this conversation has turned awkward. With his own heart aching somewhat, he doesn’t particularly want to ask any more questions or hear any more answers about Esther and Hugo.

“Thank you for your time,” Miles says.

“Goodbye, Miles,” Esther replies.

In a flash of movement, Cynthia scoops up the phone off her kitchen island, turns off speakerphone, and brings the phone to her ear.

“Yeah, sorry. No, I’ll call you back later. Okay. Bye.” Cynthia hangs up the phone. Then she looks at Miles.

Before he can brace himself, she asks bluntly, “Why do you care if Esther is dating Hugo? You are the one who proposed to someone else. If you wanted a say in who Esther dates, maybe you shouldn’t have broken her heart first.”

Miles could explain himself to Cynthia. She might even listen to him.

But then what? Nothing could change.

Miles is engaged to Selena, and likely will be for the foreseeable future. Though they don’t intend to fully marry, even if he is able to convince Esther to take him back, she will still have to live in the shadows.

Can he really ask her to do that? Assuming he even could convince her to?

“I care about Esther,” Miles says. “I want to make sure she’s in a good match.”

“You don’t like Hugo,” Cynthia says. A statement, not a fact.

“We have some history. But that doesn’t mean he will mistreat Esther.”

There is no love lost between Miles and Hugo, but even Miles can recognize that Hugo would treat Esther right. He wouldn’t physically or emotionally hurt or manipulate her. He has a steady income and a sizeable inheritance to support Esther in anything she might need or want.

The main problem Miles has with Hugo and Esther dating is, that would mean Esther is dating someone other than Miles.

As if Esther being married to Garnar wasn’t bad enough. Now he has to watch her fall for someone else right in front of him.

Cynthia watches Miles like a hawk. He’s a good liar, he hopes he’s hiding the true depths of his feelings well.

“You could have her back, you know,” Cynthia says. “If you were to break your engagement.”

Of course Miles has considered that. But if he breaks up with Selena to pursue Esther again, that puts Esther back in danger of being discovered and her reputation defunct.

Miles has to maintain this engagement to protect her.

Besides, he’s not sure he should jeopardize her newfound happiness, even at the cost of his own.

So he replies, “It’s impossible,” and ignores the look of pity Cynthia shoots his way.

Talking to Miles on the phone has made an already long day even considerably longer. I don’t even feel like finishing my wine anymore. Honestly, right now, I just want to go to bed.

I dump my wine in the sink and rinse out the glass. Then, grabbing my phone, I head into the bedroom. After leaving the phone on the nightstand, charging, I grab some comfortable pajamas from my dresser and head into my bathroom for a hot shower.

Standing under the spray, I indulge in a longer than normal shower. The warm water droplets beat down on my skin, chasing away the negative feelings while surrounding me in calming mist and steam.

By the time I leave the bathroom, I am a puddle of relaxation, my mind switched off. No thoughts are welcome at the moment. I just want to go to bed.

Yet, after brushing my teeth, as I make my way toward my soft-looking mattress, my phone starts to ring.

That’s not entirely unexpected. I did anticipate Cynthia might call me when Miles left.

Except it’s not Cynthia calling. It’s Garnar.

Did something happen with the girls?

Fear clenching tight in my chest, I grab the phone and answer it.

“Hello? Is everything alright?”

“If you are planning on having people over, at least make sure you give them the correct address,” Garnar snaps. “I shouldn’t have to be your middleman.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Someone was here, looking for you. I gave them your new address. Something you should have done from the start.”

“I didn’t –”

Just as I was about to deny inviting anyone over, not that it would have been Garnar’s business if I had, my doorbell rings, interrupting the conversation.

“Don’t make this a habit,” Garnar grouses, then hangs up.

The doorbell rings again. Who could that be?

Hugo and Cynthia know my new address, as do my daughters. Though if my daughters were the ones coming over, Garnar would have told me.

The only other people who might visit…

Could it be Miles?

My heart rises, getting caught in my throat.

If it’s Miles, I don’t know what I’ll do.

I don’t think I’d have the strength to send him away tonight.

Maybe never again, if it’s him at my door.

My pulse beating out of control, I rush out of my bedroom and head toward the door. Without thinking, I fling it open without checking the peephole.

Only one word runs through my mind, blocking out all others.

Miles. Miles. Miles.

Again and again, he’s all I can think about.

I’m desperate to see him again. If it’s him, I’ll likely jump into his arms, even knowing how wrong it is.

I’m so lonely, and I miss him so much.

Yet…

That’s not Miles standing on the other side of the door.

It’s Selena.