Chapter 146

I could be with Miles right now. That thought runs through my head again and again on a loop all night long, keeping me from sleeping for more than a few stolen moments out of sheer exhaustion.

I could be with Miles right now, but I would have to hide in the shadows again. I’d have to give up Hugo. I’d have to accept that I would be the other woman until Miles and Selena break their engagement.

Even then, even if I ever dated Miles publically, we’d have to lie about when we got together. We could never hint that the timeline overlapped, or it could be detrimental to both our reputations.

For the rest of our lives, we’d have to keep that secret.

And Hugo…

Our relationship has been progressing smoothly. He’s the kind of caring, generous man that I should want to be with.

Should I really just cast that aside for a chance to be Miles’s mistress again?

That question on my mind, I make plans with Hugo for our third date. As we sit across the table from each other, at a local restaurant of his choosing this time, I weigh the pros and cons of our potential future relationship.

For one, Hugo is steady. He’s not overly expressive, but he’s also not overly emotional. A life with Hugo would be one without drama of any kind.

He’s also a rock, supportive and uplifting. He would never make a scene, but he would casually stand by my side as I pursued my own interests. He’d also be right next to me if I ever needed anyone to lean on.

He has a good job, a solid upbringing, and lots of money in the bank. I’m not after him for his money by any stretch, but it’s nice to know we would be covered if anything ever happened medically or otherwise. We’d never be stranded without a theoretical boat.

He’s practical, seeing things from angles that I’m sometimes immune to.

He’s also handsome. Charming in his own reserved kind of way.

He has so much to offer any woman. The fact that I’m floundering at all is an insult to him.

“Something’s bothering you,” he says, as he finishes his salad. He places down his fork. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly,” I admit.

He doesn’t push. Another good quality, he trusts me to speak up if I need something from him.

Hugo is the full package. Really, the only thing I can even think to place in the con’s column is that he’s not Miles.

That can’t be a good enough reason to throw a whole nearly-perfect man away.

“Whenever you want to talk about it, I will be ready to listen,” Hugo says.

I nod.

“Actually, I have something of my own to discuss with you,” Hugo continues. “I thought about keeping it to myself, but… how can I ask you to feel comfortable speaking to me about anything you wish without me doing the same with you?”

That’s a very good point. “Did something happen?” I ask.

“Not yet. I don’t want you to worry, Esther, which is why I have kept this from you, but that has been unkind of me. You deserve to know the hardships our relationship may face moving forward.”

Hardships? “What kind of hardships?”

Hugo sighs. “Even with Kimberly acting as our professional middleman, I’m afraid I have been receiving some pushback about our relationship, given that I am your boss and you, my employee.”

“You have? From who?”

“Some producers the other night at the interview saw the way that I held you and reported it. I’m not angry with them. In any other situation, I would want that reported. Unfortunately, this has brought our relationship forward at the company, and many of my executives have been warning me of the potential consequences.”

My stomach drops. “What kind of consequences?”

“Things are fine at the moment,” Hugo says. “As we are just dating. However, if our relationship were to progress to something more serious. A more committed relationship, perhaps, or eventually something more… I could be charged with a breach of ethics. One of us would have to quit our job.”

Hugo looks at me steadily for a long moment.

His last name is on the building. He’s not going to be the one to quit, regardless how he phrases it here and now. When the time comes for decisions to be made, if I want to stay with him, I’m going to have to be the one to put in my notice.

“That’s not fair,” I say.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at the situation.”

This isn’t Hugo’s fault. We knew from the start there would be complications with a boss/employee relationship, no matter how many steps me made to protect ourselves.

At the time, I thought we’d be able to weather the storm. Now, I’m adding to my con column, Have to leave job.

“I like you, Esther. A lot. But I can’t give up my family’s company. Nor can I ask you to give up your dream.”

“Now, wait,” I say. “Let’s not get hasty.” He’s making it sound like he’s breaking up with me. Maybe he is. Maybe I should let him. That would clear the way for me to be with Miles.

Except that doesn’t solve all the other problems Miles and I would face.

I’m not ready to make that decision yet. Hugo is still a good option for my future. I refuse to cut him out because some executives don’t approve. If and when we break up, it should be on our own terms.

“I could look for a different job,” I say. “You’ve gotten my foot in the door, Hugo. I’ve built up a name for myself at Harbinger. I’m sure, by now, I have enough accolades and references that I should be able to find another job in the field.”

“Harbinger would hate to lose you,” Hugo says. Then he sighs again, louder. “But so would I. I don’t want to be selfish here, Esther. I enjoy our time together, but this is a big life choice for you. Whatever you want to do, I will support.”

“Give me some time,” I say. “A couple of weeks at most, just to see what other jobs are out there. Then we can talk about this again, okay? Maybe I’ll find something right away and none of this will matter by then.”

Hugo gives me a halting look, like he’s not quite sure. I hold his gaze, hoping he can see my determination.

Harbinger News Company was a big step forward for me, ushering me back into the workforce for a passion I thought I had long since given up. But it doesn’t have to be my last stop. It can simply be a rung on a ladder that I use to keep moving upwards.

Maybe I’m not entirely sure what to do with Hugo and me, and me and Miles. But I want to at least keep my options for now.

Honestly, with how much it hurts to cover Miles and Selena, maybe I should pivot away from journalism altogether…

But to what?