Chapter 168

There’s nothing really else to be done or said. I feel utterly exhausted having revealed what I’d already revealed. Miles must understand, or perhaps he sees the tiredness on my face.

“Let me take you back to bed,” he says. “I think you need a bit more rest before we face today.”

As he scoops me into his arms, I hold onto him tightly even as I lightly protest. “We need to get started on campaigning for the general election. We can’t let that monster win.”

“We won’t,” Miles says, his voice suddenly firm and serious. I believe him, but also…

“Then we need to get back to work.”

“It can wait until later,” Miles says as he continues to carry me. In the bedroom, he gently lays me down. “You had a shock, seeing him again after all this time. You are allowed a few minutes to process.”

I sort myself on the bed, pulling the blankets up over myself. I leave his half of the bed vacant, expecting him to lie down. When he does, I cover his side to, so that we are surrounded by the safe warm veil of the comforter and sheets. Miles’s arms come around me and I lean back into him, relaxing again.

Safe in his arms, my eyes do feel very heavy.

“I’ve already given the entire campaign office off today,” Miles says. “Everyone’s going to be too hungover to properly function. Just rest. Tomorrow is another day.”

With those assurances, I drift off to sleep. Blessedly, I do not dream.

Over the next few days, I watch with growing alarm and misapprehension as Edward seems to charm the nation. While I avoid watching many of his interviews outright, afraid of another panic attack, I read the transcripts. He says all the right things. Even the interviewers seem utterly endeared to him.

It’s disgusting. If only they could see the man for who he truly is and not the veneer he wears on the surface. But life has always been unfair. Why should that change just because things have finally started to go my way?

I make notes from the transcripts, pointing out inconsistencies in Edward’s stories of his past as well as his promises for the future. Most of his policies are shrouded in mystery. While he wows the audience with tales of how selfless he is, he distracts them from asking any real questions about how he plans on helping the economy or lowering inflation.

Miles likely won’t be able to attack Edward personally, despite both of our desires for him to do so. If he does, it will seem like Miles is viciously going after some kind of saint or something. Until the truth fully comes out, Miles has to strictly attack Edward’s policies.

I compile a report with my findings and my recommendations and send an email throughout the headquarters. Then I print out a hard copy and take it straight to Miles’s office.

Miles is there, watching a recording of Edward’s speech. When he spots me at the door, he immediately turns it off, his face filling with concern.

I hate how I’m worrying him. But honestly, having the interview turned off helps me immensely. For a moment there, I felt like I had too much air in my lungs.

“What do you have there?” Miles asks, gesturing to the paper in my hands.

Remembering myself, I walk forward and place my report down on Miles’s desk. He’s sitting behind it, and lifts it to read it as soon as I let it go.

“What’s this?”

“I’ve compiled what I think will be the best counter strategy to… his campaign. It will need fine tuning, of course, and I’d love to have more opinions on it. But I think this is the best way to approach this situation at the moment, given his popularity.”

“Esther,” he says, immediately lowering the report.

If he wants to talk about it, I certainly don’t. “I’m doing my job, Miles. I’m good at my job.”

“I know you are,” he says, then inhales deeply. “But maybe you should take a little break. A few days off. A vacation.”

“I can’t take a vacation anytime from now until election day. Every minute is important, Miles. You know that. You know as well as I do that his own workers in his headquarters are coming up with similar attack plans against you and your campaign. His won’t be as nice, I can tell you that. He’ll use his infallibility as a shield to go low with you.”

Maybe this inside knowledge to the truth of this monster is what will help Miles’s campaign succeed in the end. Everyone else thinks Edward is a kind, generous man. They don’t see the cracks in the veneer, the monster underneath. They don’t know him like I do.

My abuse at his hands might serve us here. I’d be pleased if some good could come from anything I experienced.

“I know the timing isn’t ideal, but Esther… if you need time to collect yourself, no one will blame you. I won’t let them.”

The more he insists, the more I start to feel as if he… doubts me. Like he things that I can’t do my job anymore because of my past.

“Do you think I should resign?” I ask, my heart aching. It’s one thing to face the traumas of my youth. It’s another to have Miles doubt be because of it.

“What? No!” Miles stands up and comes around toward me. I back up a step, not wanting to be touched right now, not even by him, who I care about so deeply. Miles faces flashes with hurt, which makes me hate myself for a moment, but he immediately hides it under his concern. “I’m not asking you to leave forever. I’m only giving you the chance to step away for a few days, if you need it.”

Knowing he means well, I try to honestly consider the offer. Would a few days help me? Or hurt me? I’d be trapped in my house with nothing to do. That sounds like a nightmare, giving time for the memories to resurface and reply in my mind again and again.

I’d rather be working. I’d rather have things to keep me occupied and a purpose to work towards.

Yet, considering it, maybe I am simply incapable of serving Miles in this position as fully as I had before. Already, I am looking at transcripts rather than the interviews themselves. This leaves so much undetermined, like Edward’s tone of voice and his gestures.

How will I help Miles prepare for debates if I can’t bear to look at the man he’s debating against?

Maybe I should resign. Maybe that would be the best for the campaign.

“Why not take the rest of the day off, at least,” Miles says. “This is good work you’ve done. Go home. Relax.”

“Okay,” I say, feeling dismissed, even though I’m certain he didn’t mean to make me feel that way.

Even so, I turn and leave his office without another word. Everything hurts.

Despite my agreement with Miles, I don’t want to go home, so I find myself driving to a familiar house, and the two people who saved me from this nightmare last time.

I know they sent me away, but I have to try again.

So I part in front of my parents’ house, exit my car, and ring their doorbell once more.