Chapter 187

I drive as quickly and safely back to the house and then usher the girls inside. They are startled by my panic, I can tell. Iris keeps asking me what’s wrong. Violet watches me like she wants to cry.

For their sake, I try to calm myself down, but it’s difficult. Every time I blink, I’m back in that room. I keep telling myself I’m not that little girl anymore, but my foolish heart doesn’t understand. It only knows fear right now, combined with the overwhelming desire to keep my daughters safe.

Someone else should be here. Cynthia, maybe. But no, she’s out of town again.

I can’t ask Hugo. And Mom and Dad have their hands full with Thea. We still haven’t had our conversation.

There has to be someone else.

But the only person I can think of is Miles.

He’s at his event. I shouldn’t bother him.

But he did tell me if I needed him, I could call. He would come.

“How about if I invite Miles over to hang out with us?” I suggest to the girls, hoping to seem more excited than afraid.

“Okay,” Violet says.

Iris looks at me longer. “That’s fine.”

Nodding, I usher them into the kitchen. I don’t really want them to be out of my sight right now. They humor me by sitting down at the kitchen table.

I pull out my phone and call Miles.

He answers on the second ring. “Esther?” There’s loud noise behind him. God, I hope he isn’t standing in the middle of banquet hall to take this call. “What’s happening? Do you need me?”

I don’t want to worry him. I should tell him no.

Instead, what comes out is, “Yes, please.”

That gives him pause. It’s not like me to come right out and ask for help and we both know it.

“I’ll be there soon,” he says and hangs up.

I try to smile as I look at my girls, but they both look at me strangely. I’m not pulling this off at all.

“Mom, what’s going on?” Iris asks.

“That man… Edward Zimmer… who was there tonight.” It makes me sick just saying his name. “Have you met him before?”

“No,” Iris says, followed by Violet, who says, “No.”

“Has he ever been to the house before?”

“Not while we’ve been there,” Iris says.

I exhale a long, low breath of relief. At least, so far, they’ve been safe.

“Who is he?” Violet asks.

“He’s running for president,” Iris says. “The teacher has a picture of him on her desk.”

I shake my head. “He’s a bad man,” I tell them. “You can never be alone with him, okay? If he ever shows up, anywhere that you are, I need you to contact me at once and I will come get you. Any time of day. Any place.”

Violet wraps her arms around herself.

“You are scaring Violet, Mom,” Iris says, though she seems scared too.

Damn it, that wasn’t my intention either. I just want them safe, not scared. I want to protect them from the things I suffered, not have them tremble in fear of ghosts of my past.

“I’m sorry,” I tell them. “You don’t have to be afraid. Just call me. Everything will be okay.”

“Daddy will protect us too,” Violet says, but there’s a question in her eyes. This recent development with Rachel has made them believe that their father might not be their most stalwart protector. I hate that they feel that way.

I need to find some way to speak to Garnar alone. If I can tell him what the girls said about Rachel, and convince him not to let them be alone with Edward…

I rub my forehead, a headache coming on as the adrenaline fades.

“Of course your Dad will protect you,” I tell Violet. What else can I say? Little girls should expect their fathers to defend them. I will simply have to have a proper talk with Garnar, then everything will be fine.

“Why don’t I make dinner,” I say.

“What are we having?” Iris asks. And for a while, it’s nice. Knowing they are safe, I can almost return to normal.

Still, the memory of Edward looking at me – seeing me – shakes me with an occasional tremble of fear.

Before too long, there’s a knock on the door. My breath catches in my throat. He wouldn’t come here would he? Garnar could have told him where I lived, just like he did Selena that time, and I –

“Esther?” That’s Miles’s voice. He used his key to open the door. Closing my eyes, I exhale, releasing all the worries that had built up in that second or two.

“In here, Miles!” Iris calls.

Miles follows Iris’s voice into the kitchen. Once there, he looks at the girls, then at me.

“Perfect timing,” I say with a shaky smile. “I was just making dinner.”

Looking at me, Miles’s eyes go wide with concern. He moves toward me at once. He doesn’t embrace me, not in front of the girls, but he leans close, gifting me the comfort of his closeness.

“Are you alright?” he asks me lowly.

The girls are both watching, this is no time to talk. I give him the briefest details. “I went to speak with Garnar and he was having a party.”

“Okay…”

I swallow hard. “Edward Zimmer was there.”

Miles stills.

A whisper, I breathe, “He saw me.”

“Girls,” Miles says. Turning to them, he flashes them a grin. “Why don’t you head in and watch television for a minute. I’ll take care of your mom.”

“She’s being weird,” Iris says.

“She’s being scary,” Violet adds.

My heart cracks.

“She just needs some adult talk,” Miles says. “Then she’ll be okay.”

The girls nod and file out of the room, toward the living room. The minute they are out of my sight, my heart lurches and my fear nearly breaks me. I need to see them. I need to know they are safe.

“They’re watching television,” Miles says. “They are safe. And my guard is at the door, don’t worry.”

Miles’s assurances are the only thing that seem to calm me and slowly, I push away the fear. It’s down and dirty kind of fight. The fear doesn’t want to give up easily.

“He saw you?” Miles asks.

“He looked right at me,” I say.

“Did he recognize you?”

“I don’t know.” How terrible it would be if he did! I don’t want to be on his mind at all. Yet, at the same time, how terrible it would be if he didn’t! How many other victims has he had if I’m just one of the faceless among many?

Both option hurts me.

“Hey. Here.” Miles gently takes the spoon from my hand and stirs the mac and cheese which had started to bubble over. Like this, with him near the stove and me at his side, he wraps an arm around my waist. Immediately, I turn and bury my face in his shoulder.

Breathing in his scent helps. As does feeling his strong arm.

He’s here. He’ll protect all of us. I don’t have to do it alone this time.

“You aren’t alone,” Miles says. “You’ll never be alone again.”

I can almost believe him. But seeing Edward, having him see me…

Will I ever be able to escape my past? Or will it finally catch up to me, after all these years?