Chapter 26

With the power disparity between Garnar and me, I know I will need all the help I can get in my divorce, especially to maintain custody of my two daughters.

In that regard, Miles’s offer of help is wildly generous. He doesn’t owe me anything. He’s only known me a handful of days, really. In that time, we’ve had a night of wild passion, and he saved my life. But that doesn’t make us dating. It doesn’t make us anything, not even friends.

“Thank you,” I say, attempting to be courteous. “But. I can’t accept your help.”

He looks at me strangely, like he can’t understand my rejection. Somewhat stricken, he says, “No? You know who I am and how much influence I carry. You are just going to throw that away.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Miles does have power and influence aplenty. Theoretically, he could save me, or at least set me on the track for potential success. I wouldn’t be near as floundering as I am now.

But the very real, very glaring problem with that is that continuing to spend any time around Miles is just too risky.

Whenever I’m around him, the air sparks between us. My body heats up, and he’s all that I can focus on. He’s worse than a distraction, he’s someone that I could see myself falling for.

What a terrible idea that would be.

How could I ever even chance losing my heart to Miles, someone so much younger than me, when I know deep down that he would never want to keep it – keep me?

This is a game to him, some kind of cat and mouse. A challenge to see if he can actually pull an older woman.

If I give in, he would grow bored. He would drop me in an instant.

Then I’d be divorced and broken-hearted.

“I can handle everything on my own,” I say, realizing Miles is still waiting for an explanation.

“I’m not saying you aren’t capable,” Miles replies. “But everyone needs help. You have an uphill battle, you said so yourself. Here I am, trying to level the playing field for you, and you’re… turning me down?”

He still can’t seem to believe it, almost like he’s never been turned down before.

Maybe he hasn’t. He seems so confused for a long moment. But then, slowly, his expression clears.

“You’ve have a terrible shock today,” Miles says. “You could have died, and that’s taking an effect on your ability to make decisions.”

“That’s not it…”

“Take some time,” Miles says. “Think of things more clearly. Then, in a few days you can give me a proper answer.”

Frustration irks through me. Yes, I have had a shock today, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of decision-making! Besides, if I was effected, wouldn’t I be more inclined to continue to accept help from the man who saved me?

His reasoning doesn’t hold water.

“I assure you that I am in total control of my thoughts,” I say. “I simply do not want your help.”

“You would make everything more difficult for yourself? I thought you actually wanted to win this custody case for your kids?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then accept my help.”

Damn he’s so stubborn. With him like this, I imagine that even if I gave him the real reasons I don’t want his help, that he wouldn’t accept them. My fear of growing even more attached to him would likely be met with mockery.

He’d only see it as an opportunity to tease me endlessly, and I’d fall even further into my feelings for him.

“No,” I say, and attempt to make it sound final. He opens his mouth, likely unwilling to accept this rejection. He’s a politician, after all. He’d probably argue until he turns blue in the face if it’s for something he truly believes in.

That he counts his helping me as something he truly believes in does tug at my heartstrings. But not enough to make me give in.

“I don’t need your help, Miles,” I say. Thinking quickly, I know I need to say something else to fully seal this deal. “Why don’t you spend more time with Amber and not worry about me so much?”

Miles’s mouth hangs open for the length of several breaths. Then he closes it with a snap. “Excuse me?”

I didn’t really mean to bring up Amber. Of all my reasons to push back on Miles’s offer of help, Amber wasn’t even in the top ten.

Yet… her closeness with Miles annoys me in a way that I don’t understand and therefore can’t explain.

“What does Amber have to do with any of this?” Miles demands, his face scrunched up in irritation.

Good. Now we can both be annoyed.

“She would prefer you spend more time with her,” I say. “So maybe you should. Focus less on me.”

Miles narrows his eyes. “Is that really what you want?”

No, I very much don’t want that. But it’s what needs to be done. Miles and Amber are both young and full of vigor. They would make a good match, as loathe as I am to admit it.

They are a match that makes sense.

Not like Miles and me.

Miles, however, doesn’t seem to be buying it. He inches closer to me.

“You aren’t saying anything, Esther. You need to answer my question. Do you truly wish that I would spend more time with Amber? Wouldn’t you rather I spend that time with you…?”

God knows that I would. What I would give to have another night with Miles, for him to crawl on top of me and bring me untold pleasures that I’ve been denying myself for years? Just like he did the last time we were together.

But I couldn’t allow that to happen. Not this time.

Miles is a distraction I just can’t afford anymore.

So, gathering all of my willpower, I take a small step backwards, placing more distance between us.

Miles’s expression doesn’t overtly change, but I watch some of the light in his eyes dim. I’ve ruined his fun.

“I’m grateful for your saving my life today,” I tell him stiffly, formally.

Miles replies in the same manner, “Think nothing of it.”

“Miles!” a woman calls from nearby.

We both turn to see Amber scurrying up the hill toward us.

“There you are,” Amber says. “I’ve been looking all over for you. You can’t just accept your award and sneak out of your own party!”

She smiles at Miles, but the minute he glances away, she shoots a glare at me instead.

“You don’t mind me stealing him back, do you, Mrs. Graham?” She places a hard emphasis on the missus part of my name.

“No,” I say. “Of course not. Go. You both deserve to enjoy the party.”

Miles gives me a searching look. I meet it with a blank stare. I’ve expressed my feelings enough, now I’ll hold them at bay.

Miles and Amber are a good match. As much as the thought of them together makes bile rise in my throat, I will hold it back to spare myself this embarrassment.

“If you are sure, Esther…” Miles begins.

“I’m certain,” I reply.

Miles straightens a little. “Very well.” He flashes me a roguish smile. “Your loss.”

Turning, he offers his arm to Amber. She takes it and together they walk away from me.

I hate everything about this moment. The two of them, together. Me, watching, alone.

But this is exactly what I want… isn’t it?