Chapter 39

It takes several long moments for me to recover enough to actually understand fully what Thea is saying. I’m in shock, I think, trying to make sense of it.

All this time, I’ve been willing to give Thea the benefit of the doubt, thinking her someone caught up in Garnar’s web. But now, I’m beginning to understand that she’s not just a young woman being influenced by an older man, but an active player in my betrayal.

I’ve focused most of my hatred on my errant husband, not realizing that my sister wanted what she wanted, and got just that.

“She’s lying,” I said, first to Thea herself, and then to our mother. “She’s lying, Mom.”

“Don’t start this, Esther,” Mother says. “My heart can’t take it.”

“But it’s true. I’ve never cheated on Garnar. He’s the one who cheated,” I say. I look back to my sister. “With Thea.”

“Bullshit,” Thea snaps.

“Language,” my father corrects.

“Thea has been having an affair with Garnar for who knows how long,” I say. “I’ve only recently discovered the truth myself, when they stopped hiding it. Ask anyone at the club. Garnar’s been introducing her as his girlfriend.”

“I’ve been offering Garnar comfort in his heartbreak,” Thea says. “We’ve always been good friends, and I can’t stand what you’ve done to him. You’ve broken him, Esther. He truly loved you.”

“That’s the bullshit!” I say.

“Language, girls,” Father snaps again.

While Mother covers her face with her handkerchief, I look to my aunt and uncle for support. Uncle George is having a cigar and looking out the window. I’m not sure he’s been checked in for any of this conversation. Aunt Barbara though is looking right at me. She’s smiling but it doesn’t meet her eyes.

She doesn’t believe me. I know it before she even opens her mouth.

“If Thea is the one lying, why didn’t you come forward first, Esther? You never said a word of Thea’s betrayal to them.”

My desire to protect my parents, and Thea, and keep my family whole is now backfiring spectacularly right into my face.

“I didn’t want to burden anyone,” I admit.

Aunt Barbara’s smile fills with pity. She still doesn’t believe me. “You can tell us the truth. There’s no reason to keep a secret any longer.”

“I am telling the truth, Aunt Barbara. Mom. Please believe me.”

“You are asking me to choose between your story and Thea’s,” Mother says through her sniffling. Father, for the first time, begins to pat her shoulder. “We can’t believe both, Esther.”

They’re choosing Thea’s story, Thea’s side. Their biological daughter over their adopted one.

I shouldn’t be so surprised. Things often slant this way when Thea and I are pitted against each other. I don’t know why I thought it would be different this time. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe that’s the real reason I didn’t tell them the truth the moment it happened.

Whether I knew or should have known doesn’t really matter. It still hurts.

Davis steps into the room. “Dinner is served.”

We all look at each other. No one moves a muscle for a long moment. I think I should just leave.

But then Father stands. “Let’s eat,” he says. He has a way of making things sound like orders, so we all fall in line behind him.

In the dining room, I sit between my mother and Thea, with Aunt Barbara and Uncle George across from us. Father sits at the head of the table, as always.

“How can you do this to me?” I whisper to Thea.

She scoffs at me. “You’re no saint. It’s time they finally realize that.”

I have never thought of myself as a saint, and I’m certain my parents don’t either. It’s Thea they’ve always favorited. She’s the one who could do no wrong. I’ve ever been the one that needs critiqued and disciplined.

Maybe Thea is too young to remember what things were like when we all lived together.

That’s still no excuse for this betrayal now.

Davis and the cook bring out soup first. It’s delicious, as always, but I wish I could be anywhere in the entire universe other in this room, sitting in awkward silence, being watched and judged by people that are supposed to love me unconditionally.

If they were any other group of people, I would run out screaming into the night. But this is my family, the only one I’ve ever really known. They took me in, raised me, gave me an education.

I will never turn my back on them, even when they treat me with such disbelief and coldness. I love them. Even Thea. Even after all that she’s done.

We all finish our soup in silence. Davis and the cook take away our plates, then bring out the main course. Father loves his steak and potatoes, so it’s no surprise that this is what ends up on my plate. When I cut into the steak, it warms me to see that the cook remembered how I like mine prepared.

Small signs like this keep me going. I belong here. I belong.

“How is Garnar, anyway?” Aunt Barbara asks, likely just to break the tension.

“He’s fine,” Thea and I say at the same time. We look at each other, then quickly away.

Aunt Barbara seems a bit embarrassed, having asked. She tucks her head down for a moment.

There must be something I could say or do to redeem myself in their eyes. At least, somewhat. I know they never liked Garnar. Even now, they can’t be thrilled that he’s with Thea, though they aren’t yet saying so.

I need something, anything, that can endear them back to me. The girls are doing well at school, but if I bring that up, Mother will only be upset that I left them again. Even though I’ve never left them. I see them as much as I’m able. We spend more time together now than we did even when I lived at the same house.

Then I remember my job.

“Father,” I begin. “I was trying to tell you earlier, before we were interrupted…” I clear my throat. Stick to the topic at hand, Esther! “My connections at the country club have led me to a new job.”

Father stops cutting his steak, instead, lifting his gaze up to me. “Oh?”

“Hugo Harbinger offered me a job with his news company,” I say. No need to get specific with the details here, I decide. Father likely wouldn’t approve of me having earned this job as a reward for a golf contest. “I’m going to be a journalist again.”

“You didn’t have a real job before you were married,” Father says dryly. “You can’t say again.”

I swallow down my shame. “No… I suppose not…”

“But,” Father says. “I can see the value in this… if it’s a position you can maintain.”

“Of course I can,” I say at once. I guess I need to add my father to the list of people I must impress with this job. “Hugo believes so, at least. And I intend to reward his faith in me.”

Father hummed as he studied my face. “Time will tell,” he says.”

My heart sinks. He doesn’t believe in me, even in this?

“I can do it, Father. You remember how high my grades were in school…”

“There’s a big difference between schooling and reality, Esther,” Father says. “You’ve been out of the workforce for ten years. You can’t expect to jump in and succeed.”

Maybe he’s right. I know it would be easy.

But I’ll show him. I’ll show everyone who doubts me.

I’m going to succeed.