Chapter 71

Miles makes me chicken noodle soup, then hands me the bowl with a warmer around it to keep me from burning my hands.

“You want crackers?” he asks, halfway to the kitchen again.

“No!” I call. “This is perfect.” Truly, it was. I still can’t get over how good it feels to be cared for like this. It almost feels… suspicious somehow, even though I know it probably shouldn’t. Still, when Miles sits down on the single chair beside the couch, I ask, “Why are you helping me?”

He lifts a brow at me. “Do I need a reason?”

“I’m not incapable of taking care of myself…”

He laughs. “I know that, Esther. Is that what you think? That I’m offering to help you because I think you can’t?”

I just look at him. As he looks back, he realizes I’m serious and stifles his laughter. His smile remains however, and softens into something fond. When he speaks again, it’s with more patience than humor.

“This is what people do when they care about each other. When one needs help, the other steps up.”

Yes, I definitely need to divorce my husband. I can see that so clearly now. Never once in the entire course of our marriage, did he step up to help me when I could have used it. Ever, I was the one helping him.

Maybe I’ve been dragging my feet on this whole thing, somehow believing that I still owed Garnar something. But I don’t.

I have a good job now, a stable reasonable income, and friends with prestige who would likely speak on my behalf at the custody case if I asked them.

I have to stop being scared and actually pull the trigger on this.

For now, however, I relax and enjoy the tasty soup and good company. And aside from Miles checking on me every fifteen minutes, it’s a nice time. Heck, even with him checking on me, I’m enjoying it.

Miles cares about me and my wellbeing. He could ask me questions every minute and I’d be happy.

Too soon though, the day goes by and it’s already time for the girls to get home from school.

“I have to go,” I say, though not without reluctance. Part of me doesn’t want this day to end, but I would never leave my kids hanging like that. “Can you drive me to the office so I can get my car?”

“You shouldn’t drive yet,” Miles says. “I’ll drive you home.”

“But tomorrow…”

“I’ll send a car to take you to work tomorrow morning, if you are feeling better.”

I can’t argue with that. “Thanks.”

I kick away the blanket and start to stand. Miles is there in an instant, his arm sliding around mine. His face is close like this, and my breath catches. I shouldn’t be thinking about kissing him, but I can’t help myself.

When his gaze dips to my lips, that urge gets stronger.

He blinks and looks away. “I have to drive you home now,” he says, almost like he’s telling himself.

Together, we walk back out and to his car.

I feel better by the time I make it home and am able to spend a full, fun evening with the girls. Garnar and Thea are there too, but they don’t pay attention, both too busy bingeing some reality tv show.

It’s fine. I’m happy to spend time with the girls without their looming and obnoxious presence anyway.

Over the course of the evening, my resolve hardens. Even the sight of Garnar irks me, and his laughter is like sandpaper against my eardrums. Whatever I had once saw in him, I could barely even tolerate.

The girls deserved a better example of what love could be than this display. For them, if not for me, I had to be strong and push forward. The unknown is frightening, especially not being certain I will win the custody case. But I can’t bury my head in the sand anymore.

This status quo isn’t healthy for anyone.

When the girls go to bed, I clean up and head into the living room. Garnar and Thea are still sitting together on the couch, Garnar’s arm through around the back of it where Thea is sitting.

On the tv screen, one woman is viciously chastising another. Garnar and Thea both find this hysterical, laughing their heads off.

I step in front of the screen, blocking their view.

“Down in front!” Thea says.

“Esther. Move!” Garnar snaps.

I refuse to and cross my arms. “We need to talk.”

Thea makes a disgusted face.

Garnar tries once more. “Move, Esther.”

When I don’t, he gives up and pauses the show.

“What is it then? What’s so goddamn important?”

I take a breath, readying myself for an argument, and tell him, “I’m moving forward with the divorce.”

“You are not,” he says, his lip twisting into a snarl. “You’ll have to fight me for custody. You’ll lose everything.”

Thea pulls away a little and glances at Garnar with her doe eyes and her lip pouted. “Garnar, baby…”

“Not right now, honey,” Garnar says. He stands and continues barking at me, “You need to prove you can provide a stable, loving home for the children. And even if you can, is that really what you want? To uproot them from their familial home? To take them to some unknown place and totally upend their lives?”

He’s trying to manipulate me by using our children. I can see it clearly and yet it still affects me. I don’t want Iris and Violet to be unhappy. I care about them more than life itself. Their happiness is my happiness. But…

“Things can’t go on like this,” I tell him. “This is unhealthy for you. For me. And especially for them. Do you want them to think marriage is only about hating each other? Shouldn’t it be about love?”

As much as Garnar disliked me, I knew he loved our daughters. He wasn’t a bad father, even if he was somewhat dismissive at times. But for whatever reason, he’s fighting me on this.

“The best environment for those girls is for their mom and dad to be in the same home,” he says firmly.

“Garnar…” Thea tries again.

“One minute, sweetheart,” Garnar tells her. To me, he says, “Breaking up the home will wreck them, Esther, and I—”

“Garnar!” Thea snaps, suddenly showing her full annoyance. She’s not used to being ignored, never has been. It brings out the worst in her.

Garnar startles then gives her the attention she so desperately wants. “What is it, my darling?”

“Give Esther the divorce she wants,” Thea says.

Garnar’s eyes go wide, likely mirroring my own.

“What?” Garnar asks, startled. “Why on earth would I do that?”

“We don’t need her here. She’s only in the way.”

“But the kids…” Garnar says, weaker now than when he spoke with me.

“I can be their mother,” Thea says.

“Over my dead body,” I say.

Garnar shakes his head a little. “A broken home is –”

“You don’t think I can be a mother?” Thea accuses harshly, jumping to her feet. Her eyes, her accusation, is fully on Garnar.

“I didn’t say that, but –”

“Divorce her, Garnar. Do it now,” Thea says. “Because I’m pregnant.”