Chapter 91

I’m heartbroken and humiliated. Even the producers and handlers working for Miles can see that, and start ushering the camera crews away.

There are conversations that need to be had, likely therapists that need to be hired. But none of that needs to happen right here.

“I love you, Iris, and you, Violet,” I say. “That has not and will never change.”

Iris rubs the back of her hand over her eyes and nose. “Whatever,” she says. “I’m going back to the swings. Come on, Violet.”

I’m entirely frozen in place as Violet pries away from me and follows her sister to the playground.

Miles comes to stand beside me. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. His presence is a calming source of strength. It helps pick me back up again, at least for now.

“I’m sorry about this,” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “She doesn’t know yet that you’re doing the right thing for your whole family. Deep down, she knows you love her though, despite what she says. And I’m sure she loves you too, despite how she acts.”

“I’ve been called a bitch before,” I say, “But never like this. It’s never hurt nearly as much as this does right now.”

“She didn’t mean it,” Miles says. “She’s just parroting things Garnar’s saying.” He turns toward me. “You have to get them out of that house, Esther.”

“I know,” I tell him. “Trust me, I know.”

Once we get back home, Iris runs up to her bedroom and slams her door closed.

“Sorry, Mom,” Violet says.

“It’s okay, honey,” I tell her. “I love you so much.” I give her a big hug, which she returns. “Want to watch some tv?”

“I’m going to go upstairs,” Violet says.

Disappointment creeps into me, pulling me down. “Okay,” I say, faking a smile.

Violet goes upstairs.

At that moment, Garnar comes out of the study. I can’t even look at him without feeling repulsion, but still I snap, “Don’t use foul language in front of our daughters.”

He looks at me and doesn’t say a word.

Whatever game he’s playing, I don’t want to bother with it. So I rush to my own room and lock the door.

I take a nap and type on my laptop. I think about buying a small television for this room, but I suppose I can stream on my laptop well enough.

Around dinner time, I force myself out of bed and slink back into the main of the house. I’m thinking… pasta for dinner. Something simple. I have some meatballs already made up in the fridge.

Yet when I walk into the kitchen, I’m stunned to find Garnar already there, sliding something on a pan into the oven. When he rights himself, he spots me standing, gaping from the doorway.

“Ah, Esther. Perfect timing. What kind of potatoes do you want with dinner tonight, baked or mashed?” he asks.

I’ve entered some kind of alternate dimension, I think. Or maybe I’m having a nightmare? I pinch myself. No, Garnar is still in the kitchen, wearing a ‘kiss the chef’ apron and a big smile.

“What’s happening?” I ask, not believing my eyes.

“I’m making dinner,” he says. “Baked or mashed?”

I glance around. “Where’s Thea?”

“She’s not coming over tonight,” Garnar says. “In fact, she won’t be coming over for a while. If you don’t decide, I’m going with baked.”

Maybe Garnar hit his head? “Did you have some kind of accident?” I ask.

“Nope. Feeling fine. Great actually.” He grabs four potatoes and places them on a cutting board. “I’m assuming we want these fully loaded? Cheese? Bacon bits?”

I don’t know how to react to any of this. Maybe he’s going to poison me? No, he’d never get away with it.

Not sure what else to do, I turn and walk right out of the room.

“I’ll call you when dinner is ready!” he says after me.

And not all that long later, he does.

“Food’s on! Everyone to the table!” Garnar announces at the base of the stairs.

I step out of my room, still confused.

The girls are confused as well, moving slowly down the stairs.

“You cooked, Dad?” Iris asks.

“Your mom does a lot around here,” Garnar says. “It’s past time I start picking up the slack.”

Maybe Garnar has been abducted by an alien and this is an imposter impersonating him. That could happen, right?

I’m suspicious as hell at this sudden change in behavior, but the girls are delighted. Their whole downhearted moves shift as they now hurry down the stairs and rush into the dining room.

Garnar moves to follow, but I stop him.

“What is all this about, Garnar?” I ask. “It’s a little late to start acting nice.”

Garnar winks at me, then pulls away and enters the dining room.

The girls are seated at their places. The food is on the table. It does smell good.

I suppose there’s no harm in eating this dinner…

Cautiously, I move to my usual spot and sit down. Garnar is already in his chair by now. He starts spooning out the dinner, making sure everyone gets a portion and a loaded baked potato. I grab my own, still not entirely convinced that poison isn’t the name of the game here.

“Are you going to make dinner more?” Violet asks Garnar.

“Is it good?” Garnar asks.

Violet nods.

“Then I definitely will. If your mom’s okay with it, of course.”

All eyes turn to me. Why would he need my permission? “That’s… fine….”

Iris watches Garnar and me with a hawk-like gaze. “Does this mean you two are staying together?”

“It does,” Garnar says, just as I say, “I’m sorry…”

We look at each other. Garnar’s shit-eating grin somehow stretches impossibly farther.

“Your mom has been acting all this time, don’t you see? Threatening divorce, threatening to leave us, it’s just so I will get my act together and start chipping in around the house.”

“That’s not true, Garnar. Don’t like to them like that.”

“I don’t understand,” Violet says.

“Stop being a…” Iris says to me, but then stops herself.

“Say it,” Garnar says, his smile too wide now. He’s starting to look a bit crazed.

“Don’t you dare make her say it.” I stand up. “Girls, pack your things, we are going to stay at Cynthia’s.”

“You would kick them out of their own home?” Garnar says.

“I don’t want to go!” Violet says.

“You can’t make our daughter call me a bitch,” I snap.

“I can if you are being one!” Garnar says, as forcefully.

Violet starts crying again.

Iris looks right at me. “You should leave Mom, if that’s what you want. But I’m not going anywhere.”

I look at everyone in the room with growing horror. This situation has spiraled out of control and I don’t know what to do anymore.

It takes a moment, but I eventually calm down enough to say, “I’m not leaving my daughters behind,” and I sit back down.

“See?” Garnar says. “Was that so hard?”

I hate him, I realize right in this moment. I’d always defended him as a father, but these actions are inexcusable. I understand his anger at me, but to take it out on them, to make them swear and to lie to them about me.

I feel like I’m in a losing battle. Like the rest of the world is going insane.

There has to be a way out of this marriage while keeping my children healthy and happy, and I’m going to find it.