Chapter 167

I woke with a gasp, my heart hammering in my chest. The terror of the nightmare lingered, and I sucked in air, trying desperately to calm down. Every night, it was the same. I was standing in the dark woods, and there across the clearing stood Matt. Only, I never got to him in time. I ran and screamed, begging him to get away, but Ronan always appeared to tear out his heart. I’d have to watch him fall to his knees, blood staining the snow.

“Hey, are you okay?”

The sound of his voice brought me back to myself. A heavy arm was draped across my hip, and I clutched his hand. He was here with me. He was okay. I forced a shuddering breath through my lips and let it out slowly.

Matt leaned over me, and I looked over my shoulder at him. His eyes glowed in the dim light, and his hair was sleep-mussed. The other bed sat untouched.

“It was just a dream,” he murmured. I nodded, never taking my eyes off him. It took a few more minutes, but my heart rate eventually slowed, and my breathing returned to normal.

I shifted in his arms, turning to face him. He pulled me against his chest, and I tucked my head against his neck. His pulse thrummed beneath my lips.

“I get them too,” he whispered. “I have since the war. Sometimes they’re about the things I had to do.” He leaned his cheek against the top of my head. “Recently, they’ve been about losing you.”

“I watch you die every night,” I admitted, my voice shaky. I gripped the fabric of his black t-shirt, his chest rising and falling in an even rhythm beneath my hand.

He held me tighter. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay,” I breathed. “Okay.”

He pulled the blankets up over my shoulders and settled deeper into his pillow. He fell back asleep before I did, and I listened to his steady heartbeat. Eventually, I fell asleep to it, drifting into blissful emptiness.

When I woke up again, it was morning. Soft light drifted around the edges of the curtains, and the shower was on. I sat up, stretching my arms above my head with a yawn. A cup of steaming sat on the bedside table, an empty one beside it.

I picked it up and took a sip. It was lukewarm and bitter, but I drank it, anyway. The shower turned off, and I heard Matt moving around in the bathroom. He emerged a moment later, dressed in jeans and a black crewneck sweater.

“Hey,” he said, smiling gently at me. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah.” I returned the smile. “Thanks for the coffee.”

I climbed out of bed and crossed over to the bathroom. I tried not to linger in the shower, but it was hard not to. It was warm, and for the first time in months, I didn’t have to go fight with Alyx and Jeremy. It was my first morning off in a long time.

Afterwards, I wrapped a towel around myself and returned to the room. Matt had my clothes laid out on the bed. The same ones Ted bought the day before.

Matt watched me gather up the clothes, then return to the bathroom. When I came back out, I was wearing a pair of soft blue jeans and a pink sweater. It was slightly too large on me, and the sleeves hung down over my hands.

It felt good to be in normal clothes again. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to wear something other than plain shirts and cargo pants. Even weirder not to be wearing black. I’d always loved colorful clothes, and for the first time, I felt excited to experiment more with my outfits. Maybe it was a silly thing to think about with everything going on, but I couldn’t help it.

“You look cute,” he said, still smiling. It was so nice to see him smile. I had the feeling he hadn’t in a very long time.

I looked him over. “You do too.”

He chuckled and crossed the room, pulling me into his arms. I titled my head up, and his lips met mine. The kiss started off sweet, but quickly turned heated. He pulled me even closer to him, his mouth trailing down to my neck.

I let out a soft sigh as he sucked at the skin on my neck. He’d shaved but hadn’t trimmed his hair. I ran my fingers through the silky strands, marveling at how long it was. I gave it a gentle tug, and he groaned.

His mouth slanted over mine again as his hands drifted down my back, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

I kissed his jaw, and then his neck, and his hands moved up my shirt. His palms were warm against my skin, but still, a shiver moved through me.

I followed suit, feeling the sharp planes of his stomach under his sweater.

We were kissing again, backing up toward the bed, when a loud knock on the door interrupted us. Matt groaned, more in annoyance than pleasure, as the knocking resumed.

“Go away,” he called. Then he was kissing me again, cupping my breasts through my bra.

The knocking resumed, and Matt leaned away from me, a scowl on his face. His eyes met mine.

“Maybe we should get that?” I said reluctantly.

He sighed but stepped away from me. He adjusted his clothes, and I did the same. Then he walked over and opened the door.

Jack stood on the other side, a scowl on his face. The scowl only deepened as he looked between us. Matt’s hair was messy from my fingers, and I imagined mine wasn’t much better. I refused to fix it though, not while he was giving me that look.

“Can we help you?” I asked my brother.

“We need to head out,” he answered, glaring at Matt. “We can’t spend too much time here.”

“Fine, we’ll be out in a minute,” Matt said, then he shut the door in Jack’s face.

“Prick!” Jack yelled, but he moved away from the door.

I leaned down to pull on my boots. “No love lost, I see,” I said as I tied the laces. Matt was already wearing his boots. He just pulled on the leather jacket Ted bought him and held up the pink coat meant for me. How Ted knew I wouldn’t want to wear black again, I didn’t know.

I finished with my boots, and Matt helped me into my coat. “Your brother is a pain in the ass.”

“Oh, I know.”

I turned to face him, and Matt held onto the edges of my coat. His eyes danced with mirth, though there was still a hollowness to them I knew would only go away with time.

“We shared a room,” he admitted. My eyebrows went up. “He was the only one as desperate as me to get you back. The only one I could stand to be around most of the time.”

“The others didn’t want to get me back?”

He shook his head. “No, they did. They just weren’t willing to go to the lengths I was. They weren’t willing to risk as much.”

I cupped his face. “You shouldn’t have been either.”

“I would risk anything for you.”

I couldn’t find the right words, so I leaned forward and kissed him. Hoping it conveyed everything I felt. That I loved him and trust him. That he was everything.