Chapter 45

Celeste

My eyes widened at Matt’s question, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. The candlelit dinner had been going wonderfully until he had asked why I always wore my mask. I knew the question was inevitable, but that didn't make it any easier to answer.

“I… Um…” I stammered, struggling to come up with a response.

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to,” Matt said quickly, his eyes searching mine as if he could read the turmoil in my heart. “I just thought it was something you might want to share.”

I shook my head, tears welling up in my eyes. “It’s not that I don't trust you, Matt,” I said. “It’s just... I’m not attractive at all, and I know that you wouldn’t like me if I took my mask off.”

He frowned, reaching across the table to take my hand. “Rose, looks don’t really matter all that much. Not to me, at least. And besides, I’m sure you have a beautiful face.”

I looked down, tears spilling down my cheeks. “I’m fat, too,” I choked out, the words barely audible.

Matt’s grip on my hand tightened, and he looked at me with such compassion that I felt my heart ache. “Why do you talk about yourself in such a negative way?” he asked.

My eyes widened slightly at his words. I couldn’t deny the fact that I was taken aback by his genuine question, by the concern on his face.

“Because it’s true,” I said. “I’m out of shape, I’m ugly, I’m lazy, I’m stupid…”

“Hold on.” Matt’s eyes flashed with what looked like anger. “Who told you all of these things?”

“Just about everyone in my life,” I said. “When I’m not wearing my mask, people stare. They whisper. I’m an outcast.”

Matt simply shook his head, taking me by surprise once more that night. “Do they really do all of that, or do you just think that they do all of that?”

“What?” I asked, wiping a tear from my eye.

Matt sighed. “You sound like you have really low self esteem, Rose,” he explained. “Look, I get it. I used to be that way, too. And when you have low self esteem, it can feel like everyone is judging you; but people are thinking about themselves. I’ll bet that most people aren’t paying any attention or judging you, and if they are, then who cares? That just shows that they’re the ones with problems. Not you.”

Matt’s words left me reeling. Was it true—that people really weren’t judging me as much as I thought?

But my brother… Sabrina… Sabrina’s friends… They all judged me. They picked at everything.

“There are certain people who find joy in insulting me,” I said, shaking my head slightly, “and I know they’re not lying. It’s awful.”

Matt squeezed my hand tightly. “There will always be bullies, Rose. You have to rise above them.”

A silence hung over us for a while after he spoke. Maybe he was right; maybe Jack, Sabrina, and the others were just plain old bullies and nothing more. The voice of the few often outshines the voice of the many, right?

“And besides,” he said gently, “I, for one, love your curves. And I’ve noticed you seem to have put on some muscle lately. You have a lovely body. Hell, you were the prettiest girl on the stage when you were dancing last night. I really can’t believe I stumbled upon such a perfect girl in a dark bathroom, of all places.”

I blushed, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. “You really think so?”

He smiled, his eyes warm. “I know so.”

“But what if you still don’t like what you see if I did take off the mask?” I asked, my voice trembling. “What if you hate me if you see my face?”

“Rose,” he said, his voice filled with sincerity, “when you’re ready to take the mask off, I wouldn’t care even if you had a huge scar covering your entire face. I already find you beautiful just from your personality.”

I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest. His words were like a balm to my soul, soothing the doubts and fears that had plagued me for so long.

“You really mean that, don't you?” I whispered.

“I really do,” he said, squeezing my hand.

We sat in silence for a few moments, his words sinking in. Finally, I looked up at him, my eyes filled with hope and gratitude.

For a few moments, I almost considered taking my mask off. My fingers were itching to do it, begging me to finally reveal my true self. Maybe Matt wouldn’t be angry with me if I took the mask off now, rather than later.

The longer this went on, the more likely he was to feel hurt and betrayed. But if I got it over with now, like ripping off a band-aid, maybe he would forgive me. Maybe we could truly explore the feelings we had for one another.

Instinctively, my hand raised to my mask. Matt’s eyes widened.

“Are you sure?” he murmured, his eyebrows raising in anticipation.

I hesitated just as my fingers found the edge of my mask. It felt so inviting, so tempting to remove it.

But I couldn’t take the mask off. It was bound to end in tragedy. I was the ugly little sister of Matt’s friend. Besides, even if Matt wasn’t too angry with me, my brother would kill me.

My hand fell back to my side, and I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Matt,” I said. “But I can’t. I hope you understand.

Matt nodded understandingly, although his face betrayed his disappointment. “It’s alright,” he said.

I looked down at the table, seeing how the waiter had placed the check down while we were talking. Matt paid the bill, and slipped his wallet back into his coat.

“Thank you for tonight,” I said, standing. “It was a nice date. I’ll remember it.”

However, Matt just looked up at me with an almost mischievous expression on his face. “The night isn’t over just yet, Rose,” he said, his voice laced with a hint of playfulness. I still have one more event for you tonight.”

I looked down at him, curiosity in my eyes. “Another event?” I asked, my mind swirling with possibilities. What could he have planned next? Almost instantly, my mind wandered to one possibility; it was something that I had somewhat anticipated, but now that it was sitting in front of me, I didn’t know if I could bring myself to do it.

The thought of sleeping with this sweet and caring boy, knowing fully well that I wasn’t ever going to talk to him again, made my chest hurt. I couldn’t do that to him. I also knew that I would get too attached and it would only make matters worse.

“Yes,” he said, standing to his full height and towering over me. “Another event. Assuming you’d like to come, that is.”

I cocked my head to the side, admittedly intrigued. “What is it?”

He grinned, his eyes twinkling. “That’s a surprise, Rose. But I trust that you’ll feel comfortable enough to remove your mask during this event.”