Chapter 49

Celeste

“Of course. Let’s chat later and make a plan.”

Matt’s response came within minutes after I sent it. I felt my heart swell with an almost sickening combination of anticipation and dread; while it was incredibly exciting to see Matt again, there was always the looming dark cloud of the lies I had been threading throughout our short-lived relationship.

When I arrived home after spending the night with Fiona, my thoughts were still buzzing from the dream and the decision to see Matt again. The excitement was tinged with nervousness, my secrets hanging like a shadow over the happiness I felt.

As I walked up the path to the house and pushed open the front door, the familiar smell of home filled my nostrils. But the comfort it usually provided was absent. I felt like an intruder in my own life, my secrets threatening to expose me.

Jack was in the living room, watching TV, but he turned as I entered, his eyes narrowing slightly upon seeing me.

“Celeste, there you are. How was your sleepover with Fiona?”

“Hey, Jack!” I exclaimed, injecting false cheer into my voice. “Oh, it was a blast. We watched movies, ate junk food, gossiped about boys, you know, the usual.”

He frowned, pausing to study me. “Really?” he asked, not seeming to be entirely convinced by my act. “You seem more chipper than usual. You sure that’s all you two did?”

I felt a jolt of panic, but I forced a smile. “Yes,” I said. “I’m just in a good mood. It’s nice seeing her.”

The lie slipped from my lips with surprising ease, and a cold knot of guilt settled in my stomach. I was lying to my brother, and the worst part was, I was getting good at it.

“Alright, whatever,” he said, seeming to lose interest. “Don’t get too ambitious, though. If you start spending so much time with her that your grades start slipping, I won’t be so lenient. And you’d better not be keeping secrets from me.”

I nodded, but the words stung. Secrets. Lies. They were becoming a part of who I was, and I didn't like it. Was I becoming a fraud? Was this new ability to deceive going to taint my character?

“I promise, Jack. No secrets,” I said, my voice trembling slightly.

Jack, with a disinterested grunt, turned back to watch his sports game.

As I climbed the stairs, I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders. The lies were piling up, one on top of the other, and I was beginning to lose track of what was real and what was not.

I stopped outside my bedroom door, my heart heavy. Was this who I was now? A liar? A deceiver? Was this what my alter ego—Rose—was turning me into?

I knew that I had to see Matt, that I couldn’t let go of the connection we had. But the cost was high, and I wondered if I was paying too much.

I sighed, pushing open my door, the room dark and quiet. The person who walked into this room was a stranger, even to me, and I couldn't help but wonder what I was becoming.

The excitement of love was still there, but it was now tinged with a sense of loss, a fear that I was losing myself in the process. The lies were a necessary evil, a way to protect what I had, but at what cost?

As I lay down on my bed, my thoughts a whirlwind, I knew that I was treading on dangerous ground. The lies were becoming a part of me, and I feared that they would change me in ways I couldn't even begin to understand.

…

That night at dinner, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I froze, my heart leaping into my throat. It was Matt. What if Jack saw? What if he knew?

I glanced at my brother, but he was busy with his meal, his eyes focused on his plate. I quickly hid my phone, my mind racing.

“I feel a bit sick,” I blurted out, my voice higher than usual. “I think I need to go… to the bathroom.”

Jack looked up, disgust on his face. “Ew,” he said. “I don’t need to hear about it. Just go.”

“S-Sorry,” I stammered, pushing back my chair and hurrying from the room.

Once I was safely locked in the bathroom, I pulled out my phone and answered Matt’s call, my heart still pounding.

“Hey, Celeste,” Matt’s voice came through the speaker, warm and familiar. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” I said, my voice trembling. “How about you?”

“We still on for our second date?” he asked, his voice filled with excitement.

“Yes, of course,” I replied, my nerves giving way to anticipation. “I can't wait.”

We talked for a while, planning our next meeting, our conversation easy and comfortable. But as the minutes ticked by, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was playing with fire.

Finally, I hung up, my emotions a mixture of joy and anxiety. What was I doing? How could I keep this from Jack?

As I stepped out of the bathroom, my thoughts were interrupted by Jack’s voice, his tone sharp.

“Sick, huh?” he said, narrowing his eyes. “It sounded like you were talking to someone.”

I froze, panic washing over me. “I was just playing a video on my phone,” I lied, my voice shaky.

Jack looked at me, his gaze piercing. “You’d better not be up to anything, Celeste.” He paused for a moment, taking in my appearance. “And what’s with the weight loss lately, by the way? I told you not to go to the gym. Are you sick or something?”

“I’ve just been careful about what I eat,” I said, my voice faltering. “And Fiona has been wanting to walk a lot, so maybe that’s why.”

He looked me up and down, his eyes critical. “Wear baggier clothes. Guys will get the wrong idea if you dress like that.”

I nodded, my heart sinking. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”

I retreated to my room, my thoughts a whirlwind. The excitement of the second date with Matt was overshadowed by the fear that the truth would come out. The walls seemed to close in on me, and I felt trapped, torn between the desire to be myself and the need to protect my secrets.

That night, as I lay in bed, the images of Matt filled my mind, his smile, his eyes, the way he made me feel. But alongside the happiness was a nagging fear, a doubt that gnawed at me.

What if Jack found out? What if Matt discovered the truth? The questions loomed, threatening to unravel everything.

I wanted to believe that Matt would accept me, that he would see beyond my secrets and love me for who I was. But the fear was real, and it weighed heavy on my heart.

As I drifted off to sleep, my thoughts were filled with a mixture of excitement and dread. The second date with Matt was something I longed for, but the stakes were high, and the risks even higher.

Would I be able to keep my secrets? Or would everything come crashing down, leaving me exposed and alone?