Chapter 8

Celeste

“Alright,” I murmured, leaning back against the brick wall behind me. “I’ll tell you the real reason.”

There was a silence as Fiona waited patiently, her arms folded across her chest.

Drawing in a shaky breath, I finally let it out. “Fiona, I… I have a crush on Matt.”

Her eyes widened, shock taking over her features. “On Matt?” she echoed, her voice choked with disbelief. “As in, Matt, the Matt we just saw in the store, who also happens to be your brother’s best friend?”

I nodded, my heart pounding as I watched her absorb the news.

“But Celeste, that's… that's not a good idea,” Fiona warned. “Secretly crushing on your brother’s best friend? That could lead to all kinds of trouble. What if Jack finds out? He would be furious!”

“I know, I know,” I admitted, my fingers playing with the hem of my shirt nervously. “But that’s why I’m going to the ball in disguise. To see him. To be around him without… without all the judgments, you know?”

Fiona's frown deepened. She was quiet for a moment, clearly contemplating my words. “Celeste, that’s not healthy.”

I smiled weakly at her. “I didn’t say it was. But it’s… It’s what I want. What I need to do.”

Fiona shook her head. “Celeste….”

She didn't continue, but her frown said enough. She thought this was a bad idea. I knew she was right, I was putting myself in danger. But the yearning in my heart was too strong to ignore.

Not just the yearning, but the desire to gain confidence, to feel wanted to finally lose my virginity and no longer be a loser… To be like Nina. Those were even stronger feelings.

Fiona sighed. “Alright,” she murmured. She reached out and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’ll support you in this. But don’t be surprised if it goes south and you seriously regret it.”

I managed a weak smile and a nod. “If that happens, I’ll give you every right to say ‘I told you so’,” I said.

Fiona chuckled and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Until then… Since we’re in town, wanna grab some coffee at the cafe?”

We spent the rest of the afternoon in town, enjoying each other’s company. However, I couldn’t shake the guilt in my chest… The aching pain caused by not being entirely truthful with my best friend.

I was telling the truth when I said that I had a crush on Matt. I had always thought that he was cute, but the crush was fresh, new.

But there was more to it than that; I didn’t tell Fiona the full truth. I didn’t tell her about my secret rendezvous with Matt in the bathtub.

I didn’t tell her about my secret sexting account. She didn’t know about any of that, and frankly, I wasn’t sure if I could bring myself to ever tell her about it. That was a dark side of me that I wanted to keep in the dark, in the shadows.

Later, we arrived back at my house. It was busy as usual, Jack chatting up a storm with his friends. I could hear them laughing and goofing around as soon as Fiona and I walked in the door; thankfully, upon peering around the corner of the living room, I saw that Matt wasn’t there.

“Hey, it’s the barmaid,” the same girl from the party hissed, pointing her slender finger at me. Jack chuckled as he glanced in my direction; but as soon as he saw the bag in my hand, however, his jovial attitude evaporated.

“I’ll be right back,” Jack said to his friends. He got up from the couch and came over to where I was standing, forcefully grabbing my arm and pulling me into the kitchen, out of sight and out of earshot. I could only obey and follow him, and Fiona could only watch in a state of shock.

“What’s this?” he hissed, snatching the bag out of my hands. Before I could stop him, he plunged his hand into the bag and withdrew the cornflower blue dress. I watched in terror as his hand tightened around the silky fabric, crushing it and wrinkling it in his fist.

“This is far too form-fitting for someone like you,” he said, a cruel smile playing on his lips. “You shouldn't be going to the ball anyway.”

“But it’s not—” I began, but he wasn’t listening.

“You’re not going,” he repeated, still gripping the dress with white knuckles. “Don’t even think about it. Do you understand how embarrassing that would be for me?”

Fiona intervened once again. “It’s my dress,” she murmured, stepping between us. “Not Celeste’s.”

Jack laughed, the sound grating against my raw nerves. “It’s too big for you, Fiona. It must be for my fat sister. Do you both take me for a fool?”

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but it was too late. With an evil grimace, Jack opened the trash can and forcefully shoved the dress inside.

A cry caught in my throat as I watched him push it down hard into the garbage. Smelly gunk from a discarded meal oozed through the fabric, ruining it.

I felt my heart shatter. I wanted to scream, to cry, to tell him how much of a jerk he was. But the words stuck in my throat and my eyes stung with the tears I refused to let fall.

“Go home, Fiona,” Jack hissed, pointing at the door. “Celeste needs to think about her actions.”

Fiona’s blue eyes narrowed. “She’s eighteen, Jack. Not a child who you can—”

“Fiona…” Jack took a step toward her, his voice so low it was hardly more than a growl. “Get out of my house, now, before I never let you come back here again.”

My friend shot me a look. I nodded over Jack’s shoulder, assuring her that I would be fine. When she was gone, Jack turned to look at me; but I was already leaving. Without a word, I rushed up to the stairs and to my room, where I slammed and locked the door behind myself.

Once inside the sanctuary of my bedroom, I allowed myself to break down. Hot tears streamed down my face as I clutched a pillow to my chest, and I sank down onto my bed into a heap of pain and sadness.

After a while, the sobbing subsided, and I lay sprawled across my bed. I knew I shouldn’t, but I opened up my phone, hoping for a distraction.

And there it was: a new message from Matt.

My heart leapt in my chest as I opened it. It was a shirtless mirror selfie of him, showing off his toned physique. Attached was a message that read, “Can’t wait to see you at the ball… T-minus-three days! Do you have a dress yet?”

I was torn between laughing and crying again. I swiped the tears from my eyes and allowed myself a small smile.

For now, this was my reality: my real-life interactions with Matt were a disaster, but our online relationship was still intact.

That was my only solace as I prepared for the daunting task ahead: getting my dress back from the trash and fixing whatever damage my brother had done to it.