Chapter 18

Clara

After Prince Gideon saw the pregnancy test, his attitude towards me changed. His touch was careful and his voice was gentle.

He insisted on escorting me from my room to the kitchens, and back to my room when my duties were finished. I realized he was protecting me from the other servants.

I knew he thought I was pregnant. Why else would he suddenly show so much concern for someone he despised?

I tried to maintain a polite distance from the prince. I could not stop him from walking me to my room. I did keep my hands folded together, so that I would not touch him.

I remembered my promise to myself and to Nora. I would not do anything to hurt her. I would not encourage Prince Gideon’s new found kindness.

I sat on my bed, alone in my room. I held the test in my hands. I had not taken it yet.

The test came with instructions. They said that the test was most accurate if taken first thing in the morning. So it was best to wait.

I wasn’t just waiting to be certain the test was accurate, though. I was waiting because I was afraid. I was afraid it would be positive.

As long as I didn’t use the test, I could convince myself that it wasn’t true. The nausea and the fatigue could be something else. My wolf had needed to heal me often over the last few days. Maybe she was drawing on my body’s reserves. That would leave me feeling weak and sick.

It was reasonable to wait until morning. But I could not wait any longer than that. Prince Gideon would ask. And he had a right to know the result. If I was pregnant, then he was the father. I had never been with any other man.

If I was pregnant with Prince Gideon’s child, what would he do? Would he marry me? I didn’t want that. He was Nora’s mate! She should be the one to carry his pup, not me.

But Prince Gideon was a good man. He would hate me for taking the place of his proper, fated mate. But he would do what he felt was right, and take responsibility for the pup.

If I was pregnant, I would hurt not only Nora, but Prince Gideon, too. I could not do that. I would not do that.

I knew that I could not bring myself to terminate the pregnancy. I would keep the pup. I would be the best mother I knew how to be.

If I gave birth to Prince Gideon’s pup, I would ruin everything. There had to be another option.

I rubbed a hand over my belly. It was still flat. It would be a while before I started to show outward signs.

If I stayed, Prince Gideon would claim the pup, and take me as his wife out of guilt and responsibility. That wasn’t right.

So, the only possible answer was that I could not stay. If Prince Gideon never learned about the pup, then he would not feel responsible for it. I had to leave the royal compound.

I shivered at the idea. I had lived my entire life within the walls. I had been raised by a palace servant. I dearly wished my adoptive mother was still alive. She would know what to do.

I didn’t know how to survive as a Rogue. But what else could I do?

Someone knocked on my door. I feared for a moment that it might be Prince Gideon. Maybe he expected me to have taken the test already.

I opened the door hesitantly, and then threw it open when I saw Nora standing there. She rushed inside and hugged me tight.

“Is it true?” she asked.

I looked at her. I was pretty sure she was asking about the pregnancy, but how would she know about that? Did Prince Gideon tell her?

“I heard the servants talking,” Nora said. “They claimed you bought a pregnancy test today.”

I nodded, and looked away. I didn’t want to see the pain in her eyes.

“They also said Prince Gideon escorted you to your room.”

I winced and nodded again.

“He is protecting me from the bullying,” I was quick to sign. “Nothing more.”

“Because he thinks you might be pregnant,” Nora said. “With his baby.”

I handed her the test to show her I hadn’t taken it yet.

“I don’t know,” I signed. “I might not be pregnant.”

“But you might be,” Nora said.

“I hope I’m not,” I signed.

“If you are, you have to tell Gideon,” Nora said. “He won’t let you hide it.”

I nodded miserably.

“You can’t get rid of it, either,” Nora said. “Killing the Prince’s pup, even before it’s born, would be treason.”

My eyes widened. I hadn’t thought about that. I wouldn’t terminate anyways, but now I was even more afraid. What if I was pregnant, and something happened to make me miscarry? I would be blamed, and no one would believe I hadn’t done it on purpose.

“It’s okay,” Nora said, taking my hand in hers. “I know you didn’t mean for this to happen.”

My shoulders slumped. She understood I hadn’t done any of this on purpose. At least my friend believed me.

“I have to leave,” I signed.

“Leave?” Nora asked. “What do you mean?”

“I can not stay,” I signed. I pointed to the test. “He will ask. If I am pregnant, I ruin everything.”

Nora leaned back. “I don’t want you to go.” She looked down at the test. “But maybe you’re right.”

I explained my reasoning to Nora. She nodded when I was done.

“Yes,” she agreed. “You have to go. It is just too dangerous for you to stay.”

I hadn’t been certain. Leaving meant becoming a Rogue. It meant trying to care for myself out in the wilds beyond the castle walls.

I had no idea how I would do that. I didn’t know where I could go. But I had no other choice.

Because Nora would not tell me to leave if I had any other option.

“We have to come up with a plan,” Nora said. “You have to leave right away, before Prince Gideon comes to find out what the test says.”

I agreed. The longer I waited, the harder it would be to get away.

“You’ll need supplies,” Nora said. “Your wolf can hunt for food for you. But you need a way to cook it, and warm clothing and blankets. You’ll need something to keep water in. And a weapon. There are Rogues out there.”

“I’ll be one of them,” I signed.

Nora shook her head. “This is no time to joke around, Clara.”

“You’re right,” I signed. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I just,” Nora wiped her eyes. “I’m going to miss you so much!”

I hugged her. I would miss her, too. She was my best and only friend. But if I stayed I would ruin her life.

“I’ll get the supplies,” Nora decided. “You’ve already been accused of theft. If you’re caught, you’ll be punished again.”

I nodded and thanked her.

“You need to sneak out. Do you think you can make it to my old room?” Nora asked. “Without anyone seeing you?”

“Yes,” I signed.

I had learned to move quietly and stay unseen. It was necessary to avoid the worst of the bullies.

“Good,” Nora said. “I’ll meet you there with the supplies. There’s a crack in the wall between my room and yours.”

“There is?” I signed.

Nora nodded. She looked down at her hands. “Yes. I never told anyone. I used to daydream about slipping through the gap, and escaping. You know. Him.”

I hugged her. Of course she dreamed of escaping her awful mate. I was so glad she had a better mate now. I wished I could be around to see her marry Gideon and be happy.

I packed my few belongings and crept through the palace grounds. I was careful to avoid the night guards and the few servants wandering the halls.

I found Nora’s old room by memory. It was dark and silent. Her old mate had either fled or he was asleep. I waited behind the building, with my back pressed against the wall.

Nora came to me soon after I arrived. She handed me a heavy pack and led me to a crack in the wall. It was well hidden by vines. I would never have found it on my own.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Nora whispered.

It was too dark for me to sign a goodbye. I hugged her instead.

Then, I slipped through the hole in the wall and fled for my life.