Chapter 101

Adrian

I can’t pull my gaze off of Stella. She moves so smoothly through the air, gliding away from me before she piled into the car. The slam of the door continues to echo through my ears, burying itself into the front of my mind, reminding me of what it is that I have done to anger her.

My heart is stabbed with a searing pain when the van pulls out of the driveway. Stella’s body shakes and trembles. She covers her face with her hands but I know that her palms are now covered with a mixture of dried up mascara and salty tears.

I’m the reason she is feeling like this. It is because of me that Stella has been through so much emotional — and physical — torment in her life.

“Stella!” I finally yell out for her. I run down my driveway, trying to catch up with the van as it slowly turns around. “Stella, wait!”

I reach out for her side of the van but she simply turns away. The van’s engine roars as the bodyguard she brought along with her slams his foot on the pedal. The van lurches forward and its tires spin in its place, leaving tire tracks behind in its wake.

I am left in the dirt and dust that the van has kicked up. A cough leaves my mouth, waving away the fumes from the van. I watch the van with a close eye as it drives away.

The further it gets, the more and more my heart shrivels up on the inside of my chest. The once large vehicle becomes a speck in the wind. It has become a small, tiny dot that turns the corner, officially leaving me behind to pick up the pieces of the relationship that only I am responsible for breaking.

I turn around and stare at the mountain of gifts that sit in front of my door. I sigh, shoulders slumping. My feet drag against the concrete of my driveway. My head hangs low as I walk.

This is all of my fault. A piece of me knew that Stella would not appreciate something like this. She has made it so clear to me that she wants nothing to do with me anymore, that I am just a footnote in her story, a person who she wishes to erase from all pages if humanly possible.

To her, I am public enemy number one. And for that, I do not blame her.

The boxes of desserts have spilled out onto my slowly dying lawn. Chocolate frosting and cracked macaroons litter the area, their vibrant crumbs poking out through the tall grass that I have yet to cut.

I crossed a line. In the past when I was trying to get Stella on my side, I would shower her with expensive and lavish gifts like these. She has refused them before, always stating that she did not want or need me to show off my money for her or that she did not want the gifts.

Now, I truly know that luxury is not the way to her heart.

I should have known that. I should have known that Stella was not like that when she handed me the paper and ring after our divorce. With the money back in my possession — which, by the way, included all of the money I have to her as compensation for her surgeries — she showed me that she does not need my money or the luxury that I once could afford.

I reach down and pluck one of the jewelry boxes from the ground. The lid pops open and reveals a pair of diamond earrings. The rocks flitter under the morning light, specks of the rainbow flashing into my eyes.

I close the lid and my eyes. My hands drop to my side, the box falling onto the ground.

Is this was true defeat feels like?

My body is cold, numb. I feel like I simply cannot function knowing that I have ruined the only good thing in my life, the one thing that sat right in front of me that I willfully ignored and mislabeled as something it never was.

I lean down and pick up the box again alongside a destroyed bouquet of flowers. Petals fall to the ground as I walk them inside, dumping them onto the wooden floor of the foyer.

I continue this routine with all of the gifts left out on my lawn. My neighbors have come out to watch, their hands on their hips, but I pay no attention to them. All I can focus on are the gifts in front of me with the mission of getting them back inside.

Is it okay for me to resent Stella for something like this? I hate her for ignoring my obvious cries for a second chance, something that I can hang onto with the hope that she will give me the time of day. But now it feels like the tether that kept us tied together has been severed.

I am now helplessly floating through space with no direction and, quite frankly, not a care in the world of where I am going to land. If I don’t land near Stella, then I will stay away from the blessings of life and move in silence.

Maybe I will become a hermit that scares little children. I remember that from our childhood, a man who lived at the end of the street. He never left his home, only leaving about once a month for only god knows what, and he was so old it scared us kids.

I remember hiding Clara behind me, making sure that she was protected by the older man. Stella, though? Stella was the one who stood in front of me.

I asked her why she did this and she told me that if I was too busy protecting her sister, then someone had to protect me. I should have known then that there was something more between us. Even as kids, she was caring for me in ways that I never knew.

Despite the hate that I hold in my heart towards Stella, the lingering bitter taste of resentment, I still hold a lot of love for her. There will be nothing that she can do to remove the love that I feel for her. I owe her so much and she wants nothing to do with me.

So…I will do just that. I will sit back and watch as her life unravels without me in it. I will play the part as a footnote in her story and be the villain who destroyed her body and soul, the man who did not know what he wanted and let the world decide for him.

No. I can’t do this. I have to do something! I simply cannot sit and be passive in her life while others get to have an active role!

I cannot allow her to slip through my fingers again. I cannot let her think that I am giving up on us. I cannot give into the urge to follow her command, to be someone that I simply am not.

I have to do something.

I stand and grab the keys to my car. I rush outside and slam the door behind me, not even bothering to lock it, and get inside my car with one destination in mind: Stella.