Chapter 108

Stella

I hate how easily I gave into Luca’s wishes. I should have fought more, fought for Sebastian, but the look on my boyfriend’s face told me everything that I needed to hear. It gave me the reassurance that I needed to leave with as much dignity as I could.

Silas and I sit in the car together. It is silent. Not even the radio plays, just the hum of the SUV’s engine and the faint clicking sound of the car’s blinker whenever Silas changed a lane or turned down a street.

We share the occasional look every now and then. I know that the two of us want to speak about what happened but we have never been close enough to have a conversation like this to begin with. I wish that we could, but I don’t know if Silas wants to have that kind of relationship with me after finding out about my relationship with Sebastian.

I stare at my cell phone. It sits in my lap, buried beneath the black fabric of the skirt of the dress. I want the screen to light up with either Sebastian or Luca’s name on the screen, reassuring me that things will be okay and that nothing will ever change now that Sebastian and I are together.

But that does not happen. The text or call that I wish to come remains a shot in the dark, something out of my control that I am forced to be reckoned with.

I hate the uncertainty of it all. I hate how brash Luca can be and I hate how Sebastian always does what he thinks is best. And I most certainly hate the fact that Silas went along with what Luca said, following orders like a soldier instead of taking it over like brothers.

I turn my phone on and press on Sebastian’s name. My fingers dance across the keyboard, tapping as fast as I possibly can while the car comes to a slow stop in front of my apartment.

Stella: I’m at my apartment. Please come by when you are done. I want to make for sure that you are okay.

The passenger car door swings open. I look up at Silas and take his hand as he helps me out, his gun tucked into the waist of his dress pants. He slowly walks with me, my body now suddenly tired from the constant state of worrying that I find myself in.

We stand in the elevator, still remaining in a limbo of silence. It feels like purgatory. It feels as if I am being whisked away to my execution for committing a crime. The closer I get to my apartment, the better I feel, but the longer I stand in silence with Silas, the more uneasy I begin to feel.

We walk down the hallway and Silas opens up the door for me, holding to open, and watches as I step inside. I turn around to speak to him but he simply shakes his head, shoving his hands into his pockets, before turning away and walking back down the hall.

I moving into my bedroom and peel the black dress off of my body. I work in silence, changing into a pair of comfortable pajamas before getting into my bed. The sheets act like armor from before, protecting me from the reality that I now find myself sitting within.

Anxiety shoots throughout my body. I am unable to think, straight or think clearly, and I cannot form a coherent thought to save myself.

Is Sebastian okay? Has Luca gone too rough with him? The silence on the other end of the phone is killing me, it is deafening, acting like a white noise that sits between my ears and the depths of my brain.

Hours passed by and there's still no word from Sebastian.

It is just another constant reminder that my life is exactly as it was before with Adrian. It reminds me of all of the countless nights I spent sitting at the dining room table, waiting for Adrian to come back home from a long day of work.

Adrian always came home. He always walked through the door, never really sparing me a smile, and walked to his room and resignation, ready to be done and over with the day.

Is this a life that I wanna live? This makes me more sad than I have ever felt before. I do not wish to be with a man who my family does not want me to be with. I deserve to be happy.

Just as I am about to fall asleep, the front door of my apartment quietly opens. I jump out of bed and run out of my bedroom, the door swinging open and hitting the wall.

Sebastian stands on the doorway. The light from the hallway cast the shadow along the wooden floor of my apartment. Through the light, I can see the scratches on his face, the way Luca brutalized him.

I rushed towards Sebastian, wrapping my arms around his neck. He places his hands on my hips as I press a kiss to his cheek. I hope that my affection can help him feel better.

I guide him to my bathroom, flicking on the light, and set him down on the edge of the bathtub. I work in silence as I grab the first aid kit that is stashed beneath my bathroom sink. I turn around and look down at the man, wondering what it is that Luca could've done to justify the reaction he gave.

Sebastian looks up at me with glossy eyes. I know that he does not want to show weakness around me, wanting to be a dominant force in my life, someone that I can rely upon, but this is one of those moments where he can be weak. I want him to feel safe and comfortable with me to bring down his walls that he has built up so high.

I reach forward and begin to wipe away with the blood that forms on his skin. Sebastian pushes into my touch, his eyes closing. The silence between us is comfortable.

Once I am done, Sebastian stands I help him remove his suit jacket, slowly, unbuttoning the black dress shirt that he wears, revealing the bruises that sit underneath the dress shirt. I saw, looking down, shaking my head.

“How could he do this to you?” I whisper.

“I deserved it,” Sebastian weakly says, “I'm the one who crossed a boundary.”

I look up at Sebastian, my vision now blurry. Sebastian reaches out in cups my cheek, tilting his head to the side as he looks down at me. He let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head.

“It is a boundary that I would cross again if it means that I get to look into your hazel eyes one last time,” he says the words with such affection that it makes my teeth rot.

Do I feel the same way about him, though? This whole situation has made me feel more confused than ever before. I do not know if Sebastian and I are meant to be, but he is the only man who has treated me with respect and dignity.

I take Sebastian's hand away from my face, lacing our fingers together. Slowly, I walk backwards, guiding him into my bedroom. He follows me and his eyes never leave mine.

I drop his hand and turn around grabbing the sheets and yanking them back. Sebastian gets into bed and I follow suit, our bodies molding together into one. Sebastian wraps his arms around my waist and I place my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, the guilt of our relationship weighing me down.