Chapter 116

Stella

Before I can even realize what is happening and what Sebastian just agreed to, he is pulling me out of the house, and we walk towards the car, my feet stumbling against each other as the days breeze brushes across my face. I stare at the back of his head, shaking my own in a silent disagreement. As soon as we reach the car, Sebastian opens up the passenger door for me, but I drop his hand and cross my arms over my chest.

Sebastian looks down at me, a look a confusion flashing across his face, before he realizes what it is that I am still hung up over. His body slightly relaxes, and he reaches out for my hand, but I take a step back in away from him.

“why would you accept terms like that? Don't you realize what you've just agreed to?” I ask him. There is slight irritation in my voice, a quiet and hidden an anger that I now begin to feel towards him.

“Stella,” my name, rolls off his tongue, but it lacks the effectiveness that it usually has. I do not feel any kind of resolution or comfort when he says it. I just feel…neutral.

“Why would you agree to such a thing? What if things do not work out for us in the long run? It just means that you were out of a job, your future, and you would've lost the only family that you have ever known,” I speak with passion in my voice.

I wanted to know that what he has agreed to is like a death sentence. I know what it is like to have a family be ripped away from you. When Clara woke up, I began to miss the slight fondness that her parents held towards me while she was asleep. I do not want Sebastian to feel the same coldness in isolation that I did with my old family and my old life.

“Why are you so hung up on this?” Sebastian asks. He takes his step forward towards me, closing the distance, in my heart inside of my chest. “is there something you need to tell me? Do you not see us making it?”

“I didn't say that,” I divert my gaze and look towards the ground. Sebastian's shoes come to you, and I feel his finger tilt my chin up to look at him.

“Then what is it?” Sebastian follows up, his voice quieter than it was before. “I need you to know that I am in our relationship for the long run. I know that you just left your old relationship and that you may need time to warm up to me into the idea of committing to somebody again.”

I don't respond. How can I? I feel that no matter what I say, Sebastian will take it in the wrong way and think that I do not wish to be with him, that I am only dating him because he was one of the better options compared to the ones that my father tried to set me up with.

“Stella, you must know that I am willing to wait for you,” he says with a quiet sigh. “it does not matter how long it takes for you to open up to the idea of me wanting to be with you for the rest of our lives. I will wait for you.”

A quiet gasp leaves my lips. Sebastian takes my left hand in his own, his fingers gripping my ring finger. His eyes look at it and the empty space where a ring used to sit, a ring that did not belong to him nor me.

“This family is as much yours as it is mine,” I respond in a quiet voice. “I am just worried that things may not end up the way that you want to, the way that you have it planned out in your head. You deserve to have them in your life and not be ripped away because we did not work out.”

“I did this to show you how serious I am about you,” Sebastian says, his voice, quiet and hushed, “I agree to it because all I want is you.”

I remain quiet, unsure on how to respond to him. Is it bad that in this moment I think of my relationship with Adrian? Is it horrible that I am scared that Sebastian and I will end up the same way that Adrian and I once did?

Will we end up learning to low than resent each other? Will we seek each other out in the most random places in the night, causing each other only more grief and misery than solace and comfort?

Perhaps this is just me overthinking. My anxiety has always gotten the best to me in situations like this, and I simply do not wish to ruin another life because of a rash decision that I made.

“Stella,” Sebastian looks up at me. My mouth goes dry. “are you serious about me too?”

Now that is a question. A question that I do not wish to answer in this moment, selfish, or not. It is loaded question that I know we set the tempo for the rest of our relationship, something that Sebastian will hold onto as our time together progresses.

Sebastian takes in my silence. I can see his face, slightly twisted and torque, as I remain quiet, not giving him any relief or providing an answer to his question. He takes a step back, dropping my hand.

“Stella,” his voice is dangerously low and quiet. It shows me to my core. “Do you have any leftover feelings for Adrian?”

If I had thought his question before was loaded, then this one must be a nuclear bomb ready to destroy everything that we have built together.

I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. Silence is my answer for him, and I know that it will never be good enough, that I will never be good enough.

Sebastian slowly nods, a quiet scoff, leaving his mouth. He looks around and shoved his hands into his pants pocket before turning around towards the car. He closes the passenger side door and looks at me from over his shoulder.

And just like that, Sebastian walks around the car and gets inside the driver seat, driving away from me, leaving me behind in the dust cloud that picks up from beneath his tires.

My eyes fill with tears. I close them, developing my vision and darkness, in allowing my body to slowly release all of the tension that shakes my aching muscles and bones.

I turn on my heel, facing the house, and I open up my eyes. Tilting my chin up, I noticed my father, watching from the second floor, his face prominent in one of the windows.

I try my best to hide the tears that form in my eyes. I do not know if he sees them from the far distance. All I can do is stand in the house's driveway and watch as my father turns around and disappears for my view, leaving me all alone just like Sebastian did.